Mongolian Candidate

Moonbats are having an obvious field-day with President Bush's doorknob malfunction in Mongolia, but that's just a red herring to detract from the importance of this mission. Our President's willingness to travel to a country populated entirely by retards or whatever they like being called today is truly Compassionate Conservatism in action. Since I am largely unfamiliar with Mongolia, I looked it up on the internets to see what valuable contributions (aside from its 120 troops in Iraq) it can make to the Global War on Terror. Here are some ideas:

† Mobile home decorating on the fly. While the bulk of my ministry is devoted to cosmetics and jewelry, one cannot discount the salutary effect the proper interior design has in advancing Christian-style Democracy. These Mongolians have found that even the nomadic lifestyle presents no obstacle to the human need for chicness:

"Such an honor to be here," Bush told Mongolian President Nambaryn Enkhbayar. They met inside a ger, a white tent, in a courtyard of the government building.

Gers are round, easily packable felt tents that are well-suited to Mongolia's harsh climate and nomadic culture. The ornate one used by the presidents had a red-and-yellow design on the roof and red wood doors. Inside were red brocade chairs, tapestries, Oriental carpets and a towering, white statue of Genghis Khan, the legendary horseman-warrior and country founder whose empire once stretched as far south as Southeast Asia and west to Hungary.

I myself would never do my living room in Genghis Khan, prefering instead a more traditional geese-with-ribbons look. But people do things differently in other parts of the world. Crazy!

† Mongolia's leading export appears to be barbecue restaurants. Barbecuing, as any happy Fourth-of-July picnicker can tell you, is one of the most cherished traditions of any democratic society. Opening a chain of Mongolian BBQ restaurants in Baghdad is sure to have a democratizing affect.

† Compassionate Conservatism sometimes calls for some tough love. Mongolia can serve as an example to the people of Iraq or even here in America that just because they're enjoying life in a democracy, they won't always get luxury items like schools, jobs or health care:

Fifteen years ago Mongolia became the first communist country in Asia to break toward freedom. But the pursuit of democracy meant the end of economic help from Moscow, and today Mongolia struggles with a poverty rate of nearly 40 percent. Foreign investment is scant, and Mongolia's schools and health system are in a shambles.

As an aside, the CIA Factbook makes absolutely no mention of the Mongolian people's consumption of makeup or fragrances. Is this another example of the faulty intelligence they routinely serve up to our foreign policy decision-makers?