Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Friday, August 28, 2009

No such thing as a free lunch, etc.

Fight the real enemy.

As a Christian living under the despotic regime of Barack Hussein Obama, I've gotten quite a taste of what life was like for the Jews of Nazi Germany. Whether it's denying us our right to breathe polluted air or expanding health insurance coverage to shiftless layabouts, the legislative aims of this administration are just like Hitler's. And when I thought we couldn't possibly be any more Persecuted by The Left, I learn they're now robbing our children of that most precious Freedom: the right to widen their already fat asses:
When Michelle Obama and her fifth-grade partners harvested lettuce and peas in the White House garden this spring, she made a point of saying that American children are "not eating right and not moving their bodies at all," and she cited what they eat in school as part of the problem.

On just about every schoolyard, the nation's obesity problem is apparent: A fifth of U.S. children are overweight or obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. ...

One portion of the bill would give the Department of Agriculture authority to update decades-old standards for the food children buy at school stores and vending machines, as well as foods such as pizza and French fries that are sold a la carte in cafeterias.
This is an Outrage of the highest order. Without question, the intent of this bill is to indoctrinate public school children with the sinister hidden agenda of risotto, arugula, and Dijon mustard. I am referring, of course, to the unspeakable perversions of the homosexual lifestyle. After all, in the mind of The Left, why give a child a hamburger if you could give him almond biscotti and a sex change instead?

Christians, in light of the menace being served up daily on your child's cafeteria tray, it's imperative that we fight childhood nutrition programs with the same vigor we are opposing health care reform. Bring your anger, bring your airhorns, bring your firearms to those townhalls. Our failure to do so can only result in that homosexual holocaust otherwise known as endive stuffed with goat cheese and prosciutto-wrapped muskmelon served as appetizers before dinner. And would somebody please tell Sarah Palin? Praise Him!

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Friday, August 21, 2009

Sister Nancy Beth's Health & Happiness Show

Actual liberal death panelist in action.

The Left loves to chortle about how conservatives are in disarray, but Barack Hussein Obama has unified Real Americans in opposition to his totalitarian power grab. Since The One announced his plans to force compulsory abortions on all heterosexual white women and euthanize elderly Republicans, many of Conservatism's keenest intellects -- Victoria Jackson, Sarah Palin, & Chuck Norris -- have weighed in. But we've yet to hear from the most important voice in this debate: mine. I am rectifying this horrible omission forthwith.

The Obama plan, in its un-Holy quest to cover as many Americans as possible, assaults Freedom in the most fiendish ways imaginable: by limiting copayments for preventive care and prohibiting rescissions and exclusions for pre-existing conditions -- JUST LIKE ADOLPH HITLER. I can only imagine that shredding the Constitution in this manner gives our "president" some perverse Islamic thrill. As an assistant adjunct member of the janitorial staff who often beat the chalk out of the erasers after constitutional law classes, surely he would know that the Freedom to go without health insurance is perhaps one of the most precious gifts the Founding Fathers gave to us. And Christians, this Freedom isn't free. Every year, approximately 101,000 Americans make the ultimate sacrifice of saying "Thanks, but no thanks" to the atheist commie homosexuals who want to force them into routine care. Don't let their patriotic efforts be in vain. Help keep Americans uninsured; otherwise, the terrorists will have won. Praise Him!

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