Wear Your Love Like Heaven

I am pleased to announce the opening of Sister Nancy Beth's Christian Crafts Mart, destined to be your one-stop destination for all your shopping needs. Our inaugural item is the Edicts of Nancy thong. Pamper your ladyparts into a state of Heavenly Grace that would be the envy of Our Holy Queen herself. Bask in the security that comes from having Sister Nancy Beth's trusty mascara wand serving as the terrible, swift sword that keeps the barbarians outside the temple walls. It makes the perfect gift for any occasion: Christmas, Easter, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, graduations, First Communions, etc. The children of Bangladesh are working around the clock to bring you this, the finest in ladies' intimate apparel, so stock up and be sure to have plenty on hand.

[advertising copy re-worked Monday a.m.]