Always Horses Coming

What little girl couldn't resist a horse with a giant wang growing out of its forehead?

In elementary school, I recoiled in horror as my classmates fell under the spell of getting a pony. The very thought of all that monstrous equine junk in my face was enough to give this Christian girl the vapors, and I've long suspected that the pony lobby was really a front group for radical homosexual activists trying to normalize man-on-box turtle action: Start them out on Black Beauty & National Velvet early enough, and they'll be pot-smoking earthmothers with DayGlo unicorn posters on their dorm room walls come freshwommyn year at Wellesley. Fortunately for those of us who cherish the Christian Value of Modesty, there's a movement afoot to obscure all that tubesteak from public view:

New by-laws in Dublin mean that horses in the city center will have to wear diapers.

The carriage drivers will have to attach the so-called dung-catchers to the rear of the horse in a bid to keep areas such as St. Stephen's Green and the Guinness Store House clean.

Obviously the letter of the Irish law addresses excrement as opposed to animal exhibitionism, but given the continuum of perversion, this is really a distinction without a difference. So, my hat's off to you, Dublin governing council, and I hope that this trend catches on for all domesticated animals here in the US of A. Praise Him!