Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Putting the blame on meme

Greetings, Christians! Sorry for the blogging blackout here, but a doctor's appointment kept me out of the writing frame of mind. Evidently I have "scuffing" of cartilage in my right knee, which explains why it clicks like a pair of castanets all the time. I imagine it's something of an occupational hazard among us sisters, what with all the kneeling we do, so I'm not especially concerned. I didn't get too much explanation about the mechanics of the injury (honestly, the place felt like a mill for processing personal injury claims), so if the upcoming MRI shows that I need additional care, I'm transferring to someone who will take the time to explain my diagnosis. In the meantime, Loyal Nancy-con Robot Buddha tagged me with the latest of these meme dealios, which seems like a good enough way to re-enter the world of blogging. Since there are no questions about cosmetics or the Book of Revelation, I'll let my inner selfish hedonist field this one.

Seven things I say

"My diet pill is wearing off." Said in moments of crankiness, borrowed from Female Trouble.
"Run along, child. Auntie needs fuel." Borrowed from Auntie Mame.
"That is a point for endless speculation" Great words of Sri Lankan mysticism from Sister Chandrika.
"Write about it, pray over it, talk it over with a friend." But for the time being, just shut the fuck up already.
"Ann Coulter/Michelle Malkin/Maggie Gallagher/whoever seems to be having some difficulty adjusting to her new life as a woman." My apologies to the trannies, but sometimes you gotta take one for the team.
"I would rather wipe my ass with stinging nettles." To politely point out I do not favor the proposed course of action.
"Praise Him!"

Seven books I like

The Survivor - Terrence Des Pres
Beautiful Losers - Leonard Cohen
The Case Worker - George Konrad. I was surprised to see Robot Buddha listed a Konrad book as well. No one knows psychic oppression like those Central Europeans!
The Country Between Us - Carolyn Forche
Nico: The Life & Lies of an Icon - Richard Witts
Moosewood Cookbook - This fell into my hands shortly after I left home to go to college. I consider it my crash course in hippie lesbianism.
Helter Skelter - Vincent Bugliosi. Essential reading to fully understand Los Angeles.

Seven movies I enjoy

Mommie Dearest
Auntie Mame
Girls Will Be Girls
The Cockettes
Wild Strawberries
Fitzcarraldo
White Chicks

Seven things I enjoy about cities

Aloofness. You don't have to speak to anyone in LA.
Leather bars.
Enlightened Consumerism - let your inner earth mother wear out those charge plates with her expeditions to Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, etc.
Independent record stores.
Ethnic food galore.
Abundance of services of all stripes (custom framers, orthopedic surgeons, wine merchants).
The homeless -- they're hilarious!

Seven things I cannot do

Schmooze.
Get to work less than 5 minutes late.
Listen to Bjork. Honestly, that woman sends my colon into spasms.
Separate egg yolks from the whites.
Keep an orchid alive. Many have paid the price for my folly.
Go dancing -- I'm too self-conscious to feel anything other than foolish.
Abandon the Democratic Party -- though I'm always tempted.

Seven things I must do before I die

Go to Madagascar.
Own my own home and landscape it to my liking.
Learn to play guitar like John Fahey.
Adopt & raise a kid or two (with Jesus, natch).
Bench-press 300 at the gym (that's a long ways off).
Start a small record label, issue a limited vinyl-only release of something obscure, and call it a day.
Go back to school of some sort and finish it.

I hereby tag the following, though I'm not going to point it out to them. They can always play dumb and pretend they never saw this:

Waremouse
Lulu Maude
Rain Storm
Blue Gal
Chasing the Wanderlust (whose blog I like & would add to the list of "Whores of Heresy," but I'm not especially looking to alienate more people at this particular juncture.)

All right, folks. You know the drill.

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