O Canada!

Great news, Christians: Our former adversaries in the Great White North have finally earned the right to be called that once again after kicking out the dope-crazed liberal homosexuals. Conservatives, enjoying an overwhelming mandate of 36%, can now welcome the Messiah by implementing their heavenly vision of reduced taxes, repealing gay marriage, and increasing militarism. Maybe they'll even invade an oil-rich Middle Eastern country of their own! I suspect Rapture Index will be graded downwards as a result, which is always a mixed blessing, but it does give some of you wayward Christians a little more time to get your house in order. Praise Him!