Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Melons of Mass Destruction

As the leading theologians of our day have noted, Baby Jesus weeps every time a poor person sees a doctor, and the recently passed "health care reform" bill conflicts directly with the Values of Our Christian Nation: "Gather ye premiums from the masses, and terminate yon policy upon the filing of the first claim," the King of Kings instructs us in His Sermon on the Mount. However bad this bill is for our Moral Character, though, it also presents a grave threat to National Security:
Female homicide bombers are being fitted with exploding breast implants which are almost impossible to detect, British spies have reportedly discovered.

The shocking new Al Qaeda tactic involves radical doctors inserting the explosives in women's breasts during plastic surgery — making them "virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines."
As you are well aware, not only does this bill provide unlimited federal funding so skanks can have abortions, it also provides ample subsidies for women to get their cans augmented. How many of these women, whose bitter hatred of America is already evident by their willingness to even use subsidized health care, will have their hooters pumped full of TNT so they can blow up a 747? It goes without saying that this bill needs to be repealed immediately, but that's only a start. From now on, breast enlargements should be limited to those women who embody Traditional Family Values. Praise Him!

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  • At March 25, 2010 8:19 PM, Blogger Lulu Maude said…

    Thank God you're back! A voice of reason in this wilderness!

  • At March 28, 2010 12:26 PM, Blogger zeppo said…

    Many, many offensive puns could be made at this time, several involving nipple rings and hand grenades.

  • At April 02, 2010 8:52 AM, Blogger zeppo said…

    Given what happened in Russia the other day regarding two female suicide bombers and the deaths they caused, I am rather sorry I made that glib comment the other day.

  • At April 03, 2010 8:54 PM, Blogger Sister Nancy Beth Eczema said…

    Sister Lulu Maude: Thank you for the warm welcome. As you well know, Persecution of Christians has been especially fierce lately, in America in general and at Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace in particular, and I will try to stoke the fires of Righteousness as circumstances allow.

    Brother Zeppo: Clearly the terrorists are reading this blog. I have begun forwarding my Sitemeter reports to Liz Cheney.

  • At April 14, 2010 5:31 AM, Blogger Lulu Maude said…

    Another earthquake!

    The Rapture Index must be jumping.

    Get out of Southern California, Sister Nancy. Missouri may be a safe haven. I just read a letter to a quilting magazine from a reader who objected to a picture of a quilt featuring a Naked Young Lady, a photo which Bordered On Pornography.

    Make haste to higher ground!


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