Melons of Mass Destruction
As the leading theologians of our day have noted, Baby Jesus weeps every time a poor person sees a doctor, and the recently passed "health care reform" bill conflicts directly with the Values of Our Christian Nation: "Gather ye premiums from the masses, and terminate yon policy upon the filing of the first claim," the King of Kings instructs us in His Sermon on the Mount. However bad this bill is for our Moral Character, though, it also presents a grave threat to National Security:
Female homicide bombers are being fitted with exploding breast implants which are almost impossible to detect, British spies have reportedly discovered.As you are well aware, not only does this bill provide unlimited federal funding so skanks can have abortions, it also provides ample subsidies for women to get their cans augmented. How many of these women, whose bitter hatred of America is already evident by their willingness to even use subsidized health care, will have their hooters pumped full of TNT so they can blow up a 747? It goes without saying that this bill needs to be repealed immediately, but that's only a start. From now on, breast enlargements should be limited to those women who embody Traditional Family Values. Praise Him!
The shocking new Al Qaeda tactic involves radical doctors inserting the explosives in women's breasts during plastic surgery — making them "virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines."