Satan's Velvet Holster

Ever since he ruthlessly seized power in 2008's bloodless coup, Barack Hussein Obama has shredded our beloved Constitution in his quest to destroy America. He has imposed levels of taxation unseen since colonial rule, turned our healthcare system into something out of a totalitarian state, and has made the public expression of Christianity grounds for a public stoning. Perhaps his greatest blow to Freedom, though, has been the way he has methodically chipped away at the Second Amendment. Initially I thought this aggressive push for gun control was to make us more compliant for when the New Black Panther Party shock troops march into town with their nightsticks, but now I see its true purpose — promoting anal sex:

A man who was pulled over for a traffic violation in North Carolina was found this week with a gun in his jail cell — a big gun that authorities believe he hid in his rectum.

The man, identified as Michael Leon Ward, 22, of Canton, Ga., was in the Onslow County, N.C., jail after his arrest Monday morning. He is awaiting extradition to Georgia, where he is wanted on a fugitive warrant in a murder investigation. ...

Deputies told NBC station WITN of Washington, N.C., that Ward was searched and then strip-searched before he was put into a holding cell. Jailers also made Ward perform what they call a "squat and cough" procedure.

Only later did they find the gun — a .38-caliber revolver, with a 4½-inch barrel. While it wasn't loaded, it worked just fine when officers loaded a bullet and test-fired it.

The Founding Fathers would weep if they read this. Here they thought they were enshrining our Sacred right to bear arms in our precious Constitution, not in our anuses.

What I find particularly chilling are the broader implications of this: Which of our Freedoms will we only be able to enjoy by sticking things up the tradesman's entrance? Will Democrats pass a law mandating that The Bible only be available in suppository form? Will that be the only location where we are free from warrantless searches & seizures, thus replacing my trusty handbag and fanny pack? Whatever the final toll to Our Nation, it is imperative that we Christians work to remove Obama from office this year so we can take our guns out of our asses and put them back where they belong — in bars, schools, and national parks. Praise Him!