Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

shepherding His flock

Nothing rends the Sacred heart of baby Jesus like watching His young followers abandon their Faith and become Democrats, except maybe the continued presence of David Letterman on CBS. The snuffing out of each of these tiny candles will lead Our Nation into a spiritual darkness, and we risk being led like moths to the lights of false prophets like Barack Hussein Obama and Joy Behar. Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily shine a little Light of their own on this phenomenon, and the factors in why young people leave church are surprisingly counterintuitive:
Ken Ham, known for his Answers in Genesis creation-science ministry, says a major study he commissioned by a respected researcher unveils for the first time in a scientific fashion the startling reasons behind statistics that show two-thirds of young people in evangelical churches will leave when they move into their 20s. ...

The survey found, much to Ham's surprise, a "Sunday School syndrome," indicating children who faithfully attend Bible classes in their church over the years actually are more likely to question the authority of Scripture.

"This is a brutal wake-up call for the church, showing how our programs and our approaches to Christian education are failing dismally," Ham writes in the book.

Among the survey findings, regular participants in Sunday School are more likely to:
  • Leave the church
  • Believe that the Bible is less true
  • Defend the legality of abortion and same-sex marriage
  • Defend premarital sex
Evidently what they learn in the Bible conflicts with what they learn elsewhere, and their Faith ultimately loses. The solution to this problem, then, is crystal-cathedral clear: Forbid premarital Bible-reading. I never read the Bible, and my Faith in The Lord is unwaivering. I get all the Spiritual instruction I need from religious elders like Pope Benedict XVI, Bill Donohue, and Mel Gibson.

Sadly, even this might not be enough to ensure our young people's Devotion to the Word. Fortunately there are plenty of other tools to keep your child true to his Christian beliefs. Ad hominem has a special place for maintaining fidelity to Christian doctrine; its Latin name shows that it is especially beloved by Our Heavenly Father. The phrase loosely translates to "Your adversary is a homosexual," and it should be employed against all those who use any of Satan's trickery to lead children from the path of Righteousness, be it evolution, sex education, or algebra. Denial is also a powerful weapon of the Spirit, one that has gotten me through many of my own personal crises, as well as the one that guided Our Nation through its greatest era. With parenting strategies like these, there's no reason your children won't grow up to be a lifelong Christian and a leader in the conservative movement. Praise Him!

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4 Comments:

  • At June 16, 2009 5:19 PM, Blogger Y | O | Y said…

    LOL @ "Joy Behar."

     
  • At June 17, 2009 1:43 PM, Blogger proudprogressive said…

    I just want to know what the H double L hockey sticks the World Net Daily is even doing going near scientific studies - they are falling down on the job - brutal awakening for the church indeed.

    and you hit spot on , thanks to your devine direct pipeline and all the time you spend with Jesus. Praise Him. More ad Hominen , clearly, it obvious there is not near enough smoting in Sunday School or Services. Did you see what the heathens socialist pinkos, have taken to calling it - Bible Battering ...just shows to go you - those liberal homosexual heathens would try and cook up anything for H'ors deorves ...fried bibles..

    its the work of Satan. Frying bibles.

     
  • At June 19, 2009 1:26 PM, Blogger Lulu Maude said…

    I understand that our last Dear Leader didn't read the Bible itself; he read pamphlets about the Bible, faithfully, daily.

    So much preferable to confusing oneself with the actual text, which, as we know, has been mistranslated by disreputable types who delete crucial references to free market economics.

    Praise Him!

     
  • At June 21, 2009 6:45 AM, Blogger Sister Nancy Beth Eczema said…

    Brother YOY: It's funny because it's true.

    Sister PP: Bible battering sounds strangely delicious... I'm sure deep-fried and put on a stick, they'd be quite the hit at the country fair.

    Sister LM: I prefer those delightful religious comic books myself.

     

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