Takin' it to the streets

I've been slowly coming to the awareness that Christianity isn't all about costume jewelry and makeovers. You also have to apply your faith to your daily life from time to time. Yesterday's bus ride to pick up the Praisemobile (which now drives as though God Himself changed the serpentine drive belt and cv boot) has renewed my sense of mission within the Church, and I have committed myself for the month of November (I bought a pass) to bringing my Gospel of Glamour to the poor, who -- as you may know -- are mentioned periodically in the Bible.

Over the years, I have amassed a sizeable library of books and instructional guides dealing with the science of cosmetology and its related fields. Some of these titles are obscure, like Lois Wyse's Blonde, Beautiful Blonde, which may very well be Sister Nancy Beth's personal Natural Right and History. Color Me Beautiful, however, is widely known and abundantly available. Whenever I run across a used copy at a thrift store or yard sale, I'll pick it up, usually for a quarter, with the intent of giving it to some hapless soul in need.

Armed with a slightly dogeared copy of the revised 1984 edition (but including the original color swatches), I boarded the 304 and looked for my first convert. There she was, a stout Latin American woman in an ankle-length cotton skirt and a t-shirt that read, "U Can't Touch This," though repeated washings had removed a lot of the lettering. "Senor," I said, "usted no tiene glamour."

"Que?"

"No tiene glamour." I tried fishing Color Me Beautiful out of the Shroud of Turin handbag Sister Chandrika gave me (to which I added some rhinestones, for a truly BeDazzling effect), but she flipped her hair at me and stared off in the other direction. I'll admit my Spanish may not be all it ought to be, because like I said, I didn't take the Ethnic Hair Care module in beauty school, but I'm pretty sure "que" in this context means "Why is this white bitch getting in my face?" and not "What," like those multicultural whitewashers at Babelfish want me to believe. I figure for the ride home tonight, I'll have the book in a more convenient spot, so I can pass it off as quickly as a drug dealer.

This morning's experience may have been disappointing, but over at Renew America, I see that, sometimes, we can put our Christian faith into action and get results. Here's a particularly heart-warming excerpt:

"Sills, who leads anti-abortion rallies outside Sacramento-area Planned Parenthood offices three times a week, complained to school administrators last year about a classroom presentation on domestic violence, said Gail Erlandson, a theology teacher for 11 years at Loretto.

"Sills objected to brochures listing agencies that offer help for women because they included Planned Parenthood, which supports abortion rights. The brochure was later revised.

Mrs. Sills, on behalf of battered Christian women everywhere, I'd like to thank you. Even in their darkest hour, I'm certain they realize that they'd be safer with their abusive husbands than with those ghoulish babykillers. While the Sills family's story is still unfolding (the domestic violence protest is just a teaser of their activities) , it does serve as an example of positive impact Christian families can have, and I hope someday my achievements can be measured against theirs.