Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Friday, November 04, 2005

Sweet Nancy-Con

Today I am proud to unveil my first foreign policy initiative, the Project for the Nancy-American Century. The objective of the Nancy-Con movement is simple: to use America's uncontested military superiority to advance the cause of beauty worldwide. Iraq, sadly, has already been spoken for, though I'm willing to let President Bush rally 'round the mascara wand and claim our invasion of Iraq was all to promote the cause of international glamour, should this democracy business fail to take off. Syria, Iran, and North Korea, however, remain up for grabs, and all could use substantial makeovers. Michael Ledeen, call your manicurist!

My first order of business is to appoint a board of directors. The choice for executive director is obvious:
The e-mails show that Brown, who had been planning to step down from his post when the storm hit, was preoccupied with his image on television even as one of the first FEMA officials to arrive in New Orleans, Marty Bahamonde, was reporting a crisis situation of increasing chaos to FEMA officials.

"My eyes must certainly be deceiving me. You look fabulous — and I'm not talking the makeup," writes Cindy Taylor, FEMA's deputy director of public affairs to Brown on 7:10 a.m. local time on Aug. 29.

"I got it at Nordstroms," Brown writes back. "Are you proud of me? Can I quit now? Can I go home?" An hour later, Brown adds: "If you'll look at my lovely FEMA attire, you'll really vomit. I am a fashion god."
It's exactly this kind of vision PNAC needs as it embarks on its crusade to bring America's ideals of style to the world. Sister Nancy Beth has learned through difficult experience that what looks good under incandescent light may not look so good in natural sunlight, and God help anyone under fluorsescent tubes. Here we have a man who was walking into a situation where electricity was spotty and there may not have been any lighting at all, and he still managed to pull it off. Brownie (if I may call him that) embodies the exacting level of diligence we need to run America's next war effort, and I promise to do his colors myself if he comes aboard.

Our next board member is National Review media critic Cathy Seipp, who offers tantalizing hints about the the theological undergirdings of Jewishness and neatly manicured eyebrows in this recent blog post, but never really delivers. Perhaps Cathy can expand this post into PNAC's first white paper.

My last appointment to the board for today is Michelle Malkin, whose understanding of skintones makes her my "Foundation of Freedom" scholar, a postion that includes a small honorarium to buy concealer and collagen injections for that especially pouty look.

I extend my most heartfelt congratulations to all board members, and plan to introduce more as worthy candidates make themselves known. Posted by Picasa


  • At November 04, 2005 2:13 PM, Anonymous Lynnie said…

    I really think belueve that Phyliss Schafley should also be included on your board. I know that she is rather elderly now, but has always advocated that the women of the world do their best to make themselves and their homes lovely places of respite for their menfolk. I'm sure that she would have lots of tips to offer to both young women and the more mature matron.

  • At November 04, 2005 7:41 PM, Blogger Princess Sparkle Pony said…

    OMG, that's Maybelline, isn't it? Maybe!

    Please tell me I'm right.

  • At November 07, 2005 10:02 AM, Anonymous Sister Nancy Beth Eczema said…

    Lynnie: Oh no, I forgot Phyllis! I might has well have forgotten Poland. I plan to add her and her lady friends to my prayer warriors soon, just to prevent this sort of egregious oversight from happening again.

    Princess: Of course it's Maybelline! You only use the best cosmetics for something this important.


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