Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

The waves we were

I have been avoiding bringing this up, perhaps it is because it involves speaking less than favorably of my President and my Party, but Sister Nancy Beth, like many of her fellow conservatives, has been deeply disappointed by the nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court. Tending to one's appearance has always been a passion of mine, and Ms. Miers, despite her loyalty to the President and obvious enthusiasm for giving glamour a go, is sadly not up to the task. And that, according to Sister Nancy Beth, is grounds enough for disqualification. Princess Sparkle Pony offers a loving retrospective of Harriet's hairdos, showing that it wasn't always this way, and I can't help but think that each passing 'do represents the fortunes of the party, starting with the promise of youth but ending up in the dire straits in which we presently find ourselves.

Let's begin with 1983, when Harriet's locks have all the bounce and promise of those early Reagan years. "Gee, the present Republican administration smells terrific," the man next to her seems to be saying, and Harriet can only blush at this undeniable truth: How wonderful it is to be alive during Morning in America. But winning a cold war is hard work for the Republicans, and it requires sacrifice from its members. Signaling her committment to the Party, she even adopted the somewhat less flattering Nancy Reagan-inspired cut. Take that, Evil Empire!

The first Bush administration and the Clinton years were obviously time spent wandering in the wilderness for true conservatives, and Harriet's mane shows this holding pattern. But here comes 1998 and George W. Bush's landslide victory in the Texas governor's race! Harriet's locks are newly invigorated, and she's even adopted his fondness for all things Mexican, as evidenced by her wearing the sort of gown normally seen on cocktail waitresses at Don Jose's.

It's all smooth sailing through the first term, as the blazer and power-pearls clearly have Osama on the run. But somehow, things have gone terribly wrong. Declining support for war in Iraq, indictments for Tom DeLay, investigations of Frist & Rove, Hurricane Katrina -- is this how it's going to end for us Republicans?

Sister Nancy Beth says no. My thinking is to let glamour be our guide, and it's high time for the Republicans' Extreme Makeover -- desperate times call for etc., etc. I fervently hope that someone of as unquestionable masculinity as Ken Mehlman will be receptive to my advice. My unceremonious departure from beauty school was hastened by my innovative approach to beauty, and it would be a squandered opportunity if The Man, once again, didn't hear me out. I know liberals happen upon this blog, so I won't provide the details, but RNC, you have my email address, so get in touch.