Holy spirits and otherwise

Sister Nancy Beth was pleased as punch to see that the Vatican is offering courses on exorcism to its priests - perhaps my local parish will offer Learning Annex-style courses to us in the laity. I personally attribute my many years as a selfish hedonist to being possessed by a fornicating demon, and if exorcists were as abundant as tanning salons here in West Hollywood, I'm sure I could have started on my path of doing the Lord's work decades ago.

On the topic of education, Sister Nancy Beth has great aspirations, and someday I hope to attain the equivalent of a high school diploma. With this in mind, I was poking around UCLA's website for the names of biology professors so I could email them pictures of dismembered pre-children to lovingly dissuade them from participating in stem-cell research. At some point, the term "biology" has become passe, because it doesn't show up anywhere on their roster of departments - this ivory tower has been hijacked by perverts offering courses in "oral biology" and urology (and hopefully never the twain shall meet). What's more outrageous is that a university as prestigious as UCLA doesn't even have a cosmetology department! After I make my millions, I'm going to be sure to leave a large enough endowment to found the Sister Nancy Beth Eczema School for the Cosmetological Arts, and offer degrees in waxing, man/ped, and coiffure.