Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Friday, September 16, 2005

Holy spirits and otherwise

Sister Nancy Beth was pleased as punch to see that the Vatican is offering courses on exorcism to its priests - perhaps my local parish will offer Learning Annex-style courses to us in the laity. I personally attribute my many years as a selfish hedonist to being possessed by a fornicating demon, and if exorcists were as abundant as tanning salons here in West Hollywood, I'm sure I could have started on my path of doing the Lord's work decades ago.

On the topic of education, Sister Nancy Beth has great aspirations, and someday I hope to attain the equivalent of a high school diploma. With this in mind, I was poking around UCLA's website for the names of biology professors so I could email them pictures of dismembered pre-children to lovingly dissuade them from participating in stem-cell research. At some point, the term "biology" has become passe, because it doesn't show up anywhere on their roster of departments - this ivory tower has been hijacked by perverts offering courses in "oral biology" and urology (and hopefully never the twain shall meet). What's more outrageous is that a university as prestigious as UCLA doesn't even have a cosmetology department! After I make my millions, I'm going to be sure to leave a large enough endowment to found the Sister Nancy Beth Eczema School for the Cosmetological Arts, and offer degrees in waxing, man/ped, and coiffure.