Locks & the Social Contract

For centuries, Our Heavenly Father Blessed Our Nation for adhering to traditional Christians values in personal grooming with prosperity and military victories over the evil-doers, unlike the French, whose women's unshorn pits have resulted in countless military losses. This all changed when Bill & Hillary C. ushered in "The Sixties," in which the radical deviation from Judeo-Christian standards of hygiene led to our defeat at the cameltoes of Jane Fonda and her leotard-clad Viet Cong insurgents.

This malaise isn't limited to the battlefield. As liberals convince ladies to spend less time exalting Our Creator with hairstyles in keeping with Christian Womanhood, our businesses, except for brief periods under the Reagan and Bush II presidencies, have lost their competitive edge. The latest example of this is taking place at BP, where The Left is kneecapping this upstanding global citizen with politically correct hairdos:

A black woman says she was fired from British Petroleum (BP) for wearing a dashiki and for wearing her hair in braids.

Melphine Evans was a vice president and CFO for two BP ofshoots. Now, she is suing those companies and nine individuals, saying she was told that how she dressed was only appropriate “during ‘culture day,’ black history month or special diversity events/days,” and that it was making her colleagues “uncomfortable.” ...

Still, in her 24-page lawsuit filed with the Orange County Superior Court this week, Evans says that her supervisor told her, “‘You intimidate and make your colleagues uncomfortable by wearing ethnic clothing and ethnic hairstyles,” according to Courthouse News. Her so-called “ethnic hairstyles” were braids or twists, common ways for an African American woman to wear her hair.

“If you are going to wear ethnic clothing, you should alert people in advance that you will be wearing something ethnic,” Evans says she was told.

As someone who lives in constant fear of hoodies-clad hooligans wielding fun-packs of Skittles, I understand this supervisor's defensiveness. When will black people realize that they could have ended racism long ago if they quit insisting on making white folk uncomfortable?

Aside from the detrimental effects this woman's braids had on capitalism, I can't help but wonder how they may have led to the Deepwater Horizon oil spill of 2010. Who's to say that her coworkers weren't so threatened by her menacing weave and bold tribal prints that they couldn't adequately perform the functions of their job? Liberals love to blame the petroleum industry for these sorts of environmental catastrophes, but the truth of the matter is that their nihilistic denigration of the Canonical hairstyles of Nancy Reagan and Sarah Palin is what's causing the world's ecological woes. Only by returning to the Values reflected in the tresses of our foremothers can we hope to return Our Nation to its former Glory. Praise Him!