Ancient Chinese Secret

Even though the malignant effects of "gay" marriage are widely known, Our Nation continues to struggle with this scourge. In a horrific updating of the domino theory, state after state continues to succumb to the Lavender Menace, with the good people of Washington State now joining the boys in the band (skin flute, first chair). So imagine my delight to learn via my Prayer Warriors at World Net Daily that one country had found a way to preserve the Sanctity of Marriage: by exerting crushing amounts of pressure on the cocksuckers to conform.

There may be as many as 16 million women on the Chinese mainland who are married to homosexual men, a leading expert has estimated.

Professor Zhang Bei-chuan at Qingdao University, an authority on AIDS and HIV, says that due to traditional family values in China, about 90 percent of homosexual men get married because of pressure to conform.

I'm typically hard-pressed to say anything favorable about our goldfish-tending friends from the Orient, but this willingness to do any job, no matter how personally distasteful they may find it, raises their standing in my eyes immeasurably. Maybe if The Left ever finds a few billion dollars for one of those high-speed railroads they're always threatening to sock us taxpayers with, we can import some Chinese homosexuals to build it! As a gesture of gratitude, we can let them marry some of our comely American daughters. If history is any guide, they will ascend the ranks of the Republican Party establishment and become our future mayors, senators, and God willing, maybe even president. This is exactly the sort of work ethic America needs. Praise Him!

Incontinental Breakfast

The rustic accomodations of bed & breakfasts have had an exalted spot in the hearts of Christians ever since Our Heavenly King was born at the inn in Bethlehem. The unconscious touches of Americana found at your typical B&B -- the quilts, the cozies, the salt & pepper shakers in the likeness of John Quincy Adams -- emphasize how deeply a Christian nation America is. Striking a blow against these veritable Temples of Wholesomeness is something only someone who despises America would want to do, so it comes as no surprise to learn that radical homosexual activists are trying to do just that:

A bed and breakfast in Illinois that is currently under attack by a homosexual couple is now getting aid from Alliance Defense Fund.

Complaints were lodged with the state Human Rights Commission by two men who objected to the owners of the TimberCreek Bed and Breakfast refusing to allow their property to be used for same-gender civil union ceremonies, which are now legal in Illinois.

ADF attorney Bryan Beauman says about the owners of the bed and breakfast, “They're willing to host weddings for marriages, but they decline to host any civil union ceremonies for both same-sex or opposite-sex couples. But we just believe this discrimination charge is baseless.”

Having dealt with my share of hysterical queens and their knee-jerk accusations of hydrophobia over the years, I find the ADF's sangfroid to be the best way to respond to The Left's tantrums. Baseless indeed:

An e-mail reply from [TimberCreek owner] Jim Walder stated: “We will never host same-sex civil unions. We will never host same-sex weddings even if they become legal in Illinois. We believe homosexuality is wrong and unnatural based on what the Bible says about it. If that is discrimination, I guess we unfortunately discriminate.”

When informed by Todd Wathen of the new law, Walder replied in an e-mail, “The Bible does not state opinions, but facts. It contains the highest laws pertinent to man. It trumps Illinois law, United States law, and global law should there ever be any.”

In a later e-mail, Wathen wrote, “Hi Todd, I know you may not want to hear this, but I thought I would send along a couple of verses in Romans 1 detailing how the creator of the universe looks at the gay lifestyle. It’s not to late to change your behavior.”

We should all strive to strike such a moderate and dispassionate tone. By conducting ourselves evenhandedly and with restraint, we can show that our actions are motivated by Christian Love, and not by animosity towards those perverted dick suckers. Praise Him!

Marriage Made in Hell

Ever since California experimented with promoting same-sex marriage at the expense of opposite marriage, my family has suffered terribly. I personally have experienced irreversible weight gain, increased sensitivity to light, dishpan hands, and hangnails, while my niece has had to endure the torment of split ends, and my brother had gallstones. Clearly the effects upon the citizenry have been grievous, and sadly, the people of Washington DC are about to have similar agonies inflicted upon them by radical homosexual activists:

The Supreme Court on Tuesday refused to block the District of Columbia's gay marriage law, freeing the city to issue its first marriage licenses to same-sex couples the following day.

Opponents of gay marriage in the nation's capital had asked Chief Justice John Roberts to stop the city from issuing the licenses on Wednesday while they appealed. They argued that D.C. voters should have been allowed to vote on the issue. Local courts have rejected the opponents' arguments.

"It has been the practice of the court to defer to the decisions of the courts of the District of Columbia on matters of exclusively local concern," said Roberts, writing for the court.

This is judicial activism at its most perverse, which shows why it is imperative that Republican majority be restored in Congress, so that liberal judges like Roberts can be sent packing back to UC Berkeley.

More disconcerting is the horrendous loss of Freedom this represents. Already, a year into Barack Hussein Obama's purple reign, we risk losing the Freedom to be defended by straight or deeply closeted armed service members. We can only Pray that Republicans (& mainstream Democrats like Ben Nelson & Blanche Lincoln, who's probably a lezzie) will have the strength to abide by the power of their convictions and continue to do nothing. Praise Him!