Edicts of Nancy

Whitney With an Upsilon

2012-02-12T20:59:00.000-08:00

Because of their intense hatred for the stability of the conventional family, radical homosexual activists worship troubled divas with a history of drug and relationship problems. Homosexuals reacted to the death of Judy Garland by violently rioting for the past 43 years. And in Greece, the birthplace of homosexuality, we are seeing the same sort of lawlessness after the death of Whitney Houston:

Lawmakers in Greece voted early Monday to approve another round of austerity measures, sought in return for a new eurozone bailout of the debt-stricken country, while protests raged in the streets.

As lawmakers debated, police turned tear gas and stun grenades on demonstrators outside Greece's Parliament. Several buildings, including a bank, cafes and a movie theater, in Athens were set ablaze.

The complaints of the Greek homos, if you'll pardon the redundancy, assert that austerity measures harm the people least responsible for the financial crisis. This mirrors the Occupy Wall Street message, leaving me to wonder: Are the OWS protesters actually a giant group of dick-suckers? Is the social safety net they're so adamant about preserving actually a giant sling, like the ones found in their perverted sex clubs, by which they will violate Our Nation's hershey-hole? Obviously these are the ramifications that the liberal media won't tell you about, leaving it to us courageous conservative bloggers to tell you the harsh truths: If America is to have any chance of enjoying the robust economic growth of the Bush administration and preserve its Christian heritage, we need to start shrinking the economy, severely, through budget cuts to the sick and poor. It's what Our Lord Himself has decreed. Praise Him!

Insolent Shock

2012-02-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

One of the most effective Alinskyite tactics used by liberals is to side with thugs and hooligans when our noble law enforcement officials give them a richly deserved ass-kicking. This shameless pandering allows The Left to posture as some sort of champion of civil rights and garner more votes from special interests; meanwhile, the rule of law and respect for Traditional Values is eroded further. This war against Our Nation was plainly visible yet again this week, and there's no surprise which tribe of vicious hoodlums they were defending. If I said Halle Berry, Della Reese, and Sugar Ray Robinson were members of this exalted caste, would there be any doubt about who I was referring to? Of course not; it's diabetics:

Adam Greene is on his stomach as a pack of police officers pile on him, driving their knees into his back and wrenching his arms and legs. One officer knees him in the ribs; another kicks him in the face.

"Stop resisting," officers on the video yell, but Greene, his face pushed into the pavement, hasn't resisted. He doesn't even move -- maybe can't move -- because he's gone into diabetic shock caused by low blood sugar. ...

Greene was released without a citation, and officers apologized to him for "beating him up," the lawsuit said.

He immediately went to a hospital, where he was treated for the broken ribs and the bruises to his hands, neck, face and scalp, the lawsuit said.

Despite the liberal media's attempts to paint Mr. Greene as some sort of "victim" of police "brutality," they're only giving you half the story. You wouldn't know it from the favorable coverage the lamestream media gives "Diabetic-Americans" (as they insist on being called), but there is a pervasive culture of nihilism in the diabetes community, with the constant glorification of senseless violence and wanton sexuality promoted by gangsta rappers like Wilford Brimley.

Sadly, this incident will only be used by The Left to further undermine the Moral authority of our police officers, and it will feed into the sense of victimization many diabetics falsely have. They'll wrongly conclude that police officers routinely abuse their authority in the most routine of circumstances, rather than learning the true lesson of this incident: that they should be grateful to live in a country where even the poorest among us can achieve a level of ill health formerly reserved for the upper classes. Praise Him!

Ancient Chinese Secret

2012-02-04T21:44:00.000-08:00

Even though the malignant effects of "gay" marriage are widely known, Our Nation continues to struggle with this scourge. In a horrific updating of the domino theory, state after state continues to succumb to the Lavender Menace, with the good people of Washington State now joining the boys in the band (skin flute, first chair). So imagine my delight to learn via my Prayer Warriors at World Net Daily that one country had found a way to preserve the Sanctity of Marriage: by exerting crushing amounts of pressure on the cocksuckers to conform.

There may be as many as 16 million women on the Chinese mainland who are married to homosexual men, a leading expert has estimated.

Professor Zhang Bei-chuan at Qingdao University, an authority on AIDS and HIV, says that due to traditional family values in China, about 90 percent of homosexual men get married because of pressure to conform.

I'm typically hard-pressed to say anything favorable about our goldfish-tending friends from the Orient, but this willingness to do any job, no matter how personally distasteful they may find it, raises their standing in my eyes immeasurably. Maybe if The Left ever finds a few billion dollars for one of those high-speed railroads they're always threatening to sock us taxpayers with, we can import some Chinese homosexuals to build it! As a gesture of gratitude, we can let them marry some of our comely American daughters. If history is any guide, they will ascend the ranks of the Republican Party establishment and become our future mayors, senators, and God willing, maybe even president. This is exactly the sort of work ethic America needs. Praise Him!

Thank You For Smoking

2012-01-24T17:48:00.000-08:00

Despite their support for raising the minimum wage and providing social services for the needy, liberals have somehow managed to claim the mantle of caring about poor people. That's why I'm grateful to my Prayer Warrior P.J. O'Rourke for exposing the hypocrisy of this so-called compassion of The Left's punitive anti-smoking laws in public housing:

And poor people do have a lot of troubles. Sometimes, when you’ve got a crap job and are going to get laid off from it besides and your crack-head daughter has three kids by four fathers and your oldest son is on the front in Afghanistan and your youngest son can’t decide which drug crew to join and the cable company has cut off service and somebody’s jimmying the twelfth lock on the sheet-metal door, you’d like to sit down on your own damn chair in your own damn kitchen and have a smoke.

Well, forget it. The progressive elites are already charging you $7 for that pack of king-size filter tips, and pretty soon they’re going to add the price of eviction. Because they hate your guts.

While I think Brother P.J. may be a little off-message here about the taxes paid by the poor on their cigarettes -- can they ever truly be high enough to compensate for the drag they are on our job Creators? -- I fully agree with his underlying conceit: that liberals demonstrate their contempt for the poor by legislating away life's small pleasures.

That's but one example. What would be more edifying for our underclass than sitting on their toilets, taking a gentlemanly dump, and reading The National Review, The Weekly Standard, or perhaps even the liberal New Republic? Doing so would open their eyes to what parasites they are and inspire them to go out and so something productive, like maybe even getting a job at a conservative think tank! But unfortunately, thanks to the Democrats' incessant calls for stricter food safety regulation, they'll never experience the enlightenment (or the quick weight loss - did you hear that, Michelle Obama?) that a bout of chronic diarrhea from food poisoning can provide. Naturally, the lamestream media will paint the libtards as altruistic heroes and revile us conservatives as heartless villains, but that's just the sad facts of life until Obama is sent packing back to Kenya. Praise Him!

Deen Screem

2012-01-22T14:23:00.000-08:00

As those of us who've ever enjoyed the deliciousness of deep fried food know, partially hydrogenated fats are the delectable taste of Freedom. This is why The Left is so determined to take them away from us, and why the First "Lady" is forever threatening to crush Our Nation's children like so many walnuts with her titanic ass for eating cookies. Initially I thought this sort of tyranny dressed up as nanny-statism was just another way of desensitizing us to the steady loss of Constitutional rights we've experienced under Barack Hussein's imperial rule, before he ships us all off to his re-education camps. But thanks to my Prayer Warriors at Fox News, I see that it's really just an assault on the culture of Real America by effete liberal elites. Look away, Dixieland!

Georgia's down-home diva Paula Deen was this week treated to an unhealthy serving of self-satisfied condescension after she admitted she has been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. But nowhere was the response more unsavory than on the New York food scene with its resident lothario Anthony Bourdain leading the assault. ...

From food to faith, the mythic Dixie--soulful and abundant, passionate and insubmissive--has always clashed with the rigidly cosmopolitan north, which keeps an ever watchful eye on we, her unlearned, drawling wards.

Yet the northern perspective of the South amounts to little more than a crude distillation of the most specious of stereotypes, the uncouth yang to their cultured yin. Reserving unparalleled contempt for the region's myths and manners, fundamental to northern exceptionalism is the notion of southern inadequacy.

I fully recognize this liberal contempt for the Glorious customs of the South, as I was treated to this same sort of derisive sneering and eye-rolling from the homosexuals at my former workplace whenever I brought in my patriotic three bean salad. "Oh great, I was looking for some nutritionally devoid calories," they'd hiss at me, and then titter like schoolgirls among themselves, and go back to debating the merits of foreskin, or whatever it is those people talk about.

The only conclusion I can draw from these events is that "nutrition" is another one of those liberal junk sciences like "climatology" and "chemistry" brazenly used to advance the radical homosexual agenda of physical fitness, whereby we all have taut bodies and the endurance for marathons sessions of anal sex at their Unitarian swingers retreats. So, Christians, you know exactly what to do. Every pound you gain is a victory for Jesus, so supersize it, in the name of The Lord. Praise Him!

The Inconvenient Truth

2012-01-19T15:21:00.000-08:00

Liberals possess many annoying traits, chief among them their "concern" for society's laziest members, and their reflexive hostility to Traditional Values. But if there were any one characteristic that most shows how frivolous our hippie friends are, it's their tendency to get worked up over things that simply don't exist. "Global warming" is a favorite hobby horse The Left likes to ride whenever they feel like attacking the Free Market, which is practically always, because it allows them to blame Our Nation's job creators while validating their own pathetic inability to afford a halfways decent SUV. Their latest bleating comes via Agence France-Presse (ooh la la!) and represents the high water mark for this sort of libtard hysterics:

Last year broke records for extreme weather in the United States, with 14 events each causing at least a billion dollars in damage, US authorities said on Thursday.

Also, 2011 marked 35 years in a row that global temperatures have been warmer than average, according to data released by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. ...

Separately, the US space agency NASA announced that 2011 was the ninth warmest year on record since 1880 in global average surface temperature, with nine of the 10 warmest years in history taking place since 2000.

What's so absurd about the global warming truthers is that the link between homosexuality and extreme weather events such as tornadoes and hurricanes has already been well established. However, anything that threatens their fragile worldview or risks causing dissension in their ranks is summarily dismissed.

If liberals were serious about preventing extreme weather events, they'd put their money where their syphilis-ridden mouths are and support a move to a Virtue-based economy in which vice is taxed to pay for the damage it does to the environment. Gross polluters like homosexuals could buy surplus credits from us Christians to offset the destruction caused by their sinful lifestyle. Gradually, Our Nation's economy would realign itself so that industries that promote homosexuality (interior decorating, the floral trade) become so cost-prohibitive that they become relics of the past. Given The Left's hatred of capitalism, I doubt we'll see this sort of intellectual honesty from them. Instead, expect more handwringing for our sob sisters on The Left and more baseless attacks from their enablers in the Lamestream Media. Praise Him!

Satan's Velvet Holster

2012-01-17T08:21:00.000-08:00

Ever since he ruthlessly seized power in 2008's bloodless coup, Barack Hussein Obama has shredded our beloved Constitution in his quest to destroy America. He has imposed levels of taxation unseen since colonial rule, turned our healthcare system into something out of a totalitarian state, and has made the public expression of Christianity grounds for a public stoning. Perhaps his greatest blow to Freedom, though, has been the way he has methodically chipped away at the Second Amendment. Initially I thought this aggressive push for gun control was to make us more compliant for when the New Black Panther Party shock troops march into town with their nightsticks, but now I see its true purpose — promoting anal sex:

A man who was pulled over for a traffic violation in North Carolina was found this week with a gun in his jail cell — a big gun that authorities believe he hid in his rectum.

The man, identified as Michael Leon Ward, 22, of Canton, Ga., was in the Onslow County, N.C., jail after his arrest Monday morning. He is awaiting extradition to Georgia, where he is wanted on a fugitive warrant in a murder investigation. ...

Deputies told NBC station WITN of Washington, N.C., that Ward was searched and then strip-searched before he was put into a holding cell. Jailers also made Ward perform what they call a "squat and cough" procedure.

Only later did they find the gun — a .38-caliber revolver, with a 4½-inch barrel. While it wasn't loaded, it worked just fine when officers loaded a bullet and test-fired it.

The Founding Fathers would weep if they read this. Here they thought they were enshrining our Sacred right to bear arms in our precious Constitution, not in our anuses.

What I find particularly chilling are the broader implications of this: Which of our Freedoms will we only be able to enjoy by sticking things up the tradesman's entrance? Will Democrats pass a law mandating that The Bible only be available in suppository form? Will that be the only location where we are free from warrantless searches & seizures, thus replacing my trusty handbag and fanny pack? Whatever the final toll to Our Nation, it is imperative that we Christians work to remove Obama from office this year so we can take our guns out of our asses and put them back where they belong — in bars, schools, and national parks. Praise Him!

Sapphron Revolution

2012-01-12T22:11:00.000-08:00

As a Christian, sending your child to college is the worst mistake you could possibly make. Liberal indoctrination begins the moment your child begins receiving the glossy recruitment materials featuring a smiling student body of all races and all sexual persuasions. The brainwashing doesn't relent until graduation, and by then it's too late, when your little Johnny graduates with a degree in Menstrual Studies with a minor in Blaming America. College graduates as a whole tend to congregate in decadent urban enclaves where they have ready access to Craigslist hookers and drugs, willfully reject the Glory of His Creation, and perhaps worst of all, reliably vote for the Democrat Party. "President" Obama understands this; thankfully so does Rick Santorum, who is courageously speaking out about the national scourge of higher education. Sadly, the guerilla war against Our Nation has intensified, and I doubt you'll be surprised to learn who's leading this fifth column:

The federal government is partnering with dozens of U.S. colleges to provide women from Muslim counties with a "world-class" education in science, technology, engineering and math.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced the NeXXt Scholars partnership last month, and her remarks were posted on the State Department Web site Monday.

"Today's next Madame Curie could be sitting in a high school classroom in Cairo, Jakarta, or Mogadishu, yearning for opportunities to explore her potential. The United States is determined to help give her that chance."

Clinton said the scholarship program will "create new opportunities for women from predominantly Muslim nations to pursue world-class undergraduate educations in science, technology, engineering, and math."

Hillary Clinton's affinity for, ahem, Arabian carpet is well documented, which makes the hidden dimensions of this news all the more terrifying: Chairman Hillary, with the blessing of Barack Hussein Obama, is training a secret army of Muslim lesbians to subvert our already weakened Constitution and install the Caliphate! Well, "ladies," this infidel will not submit, and Christians, neither should you. Please join me in securing America by demanding an end to affordable college education for America's children, as well as any foreign ones. Praise Him!

Toss Those Cookies!

2012-01-10T16:52:00.000-08:00

If there's anything that fills me with Outrage, it's how The Left has polluted the Values of Our Nation's young people. Not too long ago, America was a nation of chaste, virtuous, law-abiding Christians. Then Hillary popped her first birth control pill on her way to a Peter, Paul & Mary concert, and it's been one headlong plunge into the Moral sewer ever since. The result of this decay has been catastrophic: Homosexuals may marry and hold jobs in certain parts of the country, women defer starting families into their 40s (if ever), and uppity minorities can sass their betters with impunity. Perhaps the most devastating thing, though, is the decline support for Republicans by the post-Baby Boom generations and women of all age groups.

At the vanguard of corrupting our children is the Girl Scouts of America. Rather than teaching today's Christian ladies the finer points of embroidery and how to apply cosmetics, they've instead adopted a program of cultural jihad that reads like a chapter out of the Al Qaeda training manual, with merit badges for crushing men's testicles and being a global warming patsy. So you can imagine how Rapturously thrilled I am to learn that one of their young charges has had enough of their liberal indoctrination:

A reportedly 14-year-old Girl Scout has joined with parents and Scout alumni to call for a boycott of the widely popular Girl Scout cookies, claiming the organization is using cookie proceeds to push a radical homosexual agenda at the expense of the Scouts’ safety.

The girl, identified as Taylor from Ventura County, Calif. – but whose parents have asked her last name and troop number be withheld – made a YouTube video calling for the boycott after she was shocked to discover Girl Scouts USA, or GSUSA, has been admitting transgender boys who claim to be girls into scout troops.

After controversy arose over the potential admission of Colorado 7-year-old Bobby Montoya last month, The Girl Scouts of Colorado released a statement explaining, “We accept all girls in kindergarten through 12th grade as members. If a child identifies as a girl and the child’s family presents her as a girl, Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout.”

I'm so inspired by young Taylor's brave stand for Traditional Values that I'm going to make one of my own: Membership in the Girl Scouts should be restricted to men 45 years of age or older. This will prevent our impressionable Daughters of Eve from being exposed to the poisonous ideas that inevitably lead to a ruinous future of an apartment full of cats and a career as a gym teacher. More importantly, it will help reverse the demographic trends that threaten to lead the Republican Party to extinction. Praise Him!

Perverted By Language

2012-01-08T15:09:00.000-08:00

One of the most effective means The Left has of persecuting Christians is by strictly controlling the acceptable terms of debate. Diverge from the liberal script even slightly and you're branded a racist, a hydrophobe, or worse. Just last week, Rick Santorum caught flak for implying that Blah Americans are lazy welfare sponges; had he used the term endorsed by the PC Politburo, "African-American," no one would have refudiated him.

Liberal control of public discourse goes even further than this, however. Another effective weapon in the hippies' arsenal is to mandate the use of coarse language to make their decadent crusades "relevant" and confer legitimacy upon them. Radical homosexual activists have had the most luck with this, as the perverted connotations of "bottom" & "MSM" have left them unfit for use in polite society. Unsurprisingly, the teachers unions have now adopted this tactic, and they're using it to turn today's Christian youths into ravenous sex maniacs:

A New York lawmaker is demanding that state health workers remove a taxpayer-funded video series that promotes “raw-dogging” and other graphic sexual activities to teenagers as young as 13-years-old. ...

The graphic videos feature young actors talking about sex while using street lingo – including words like “raw dogging” – having sex without wearing a condom.

“This video is raunchy,” State. Sen. Martin Golden told Fox News & Commentary. “It’s wrong, it’s shameful and they shouldn’t be doing it.” ...

Golden said the videos portray unprotected sex as “so good, so juicy.”

Not only is this Morally wrong to teach kids that sex is fun, but it's also factually incorrect: The sex act, when performed correctly, is arduous, dirty business that leaves both parties filled with pain and stinging regret.

The answer to America's "sex" "education" crisis is plainly obvious. It should be conducted entirely in the language of the King James Version, so that children are bored rather than titillated at the prospect of sexual congress. I don't know what "raw dogging" is, but by the sounds of it, I would imagine it to combine the charms of self-flagellation with the wholesome appeal of a Lassie movie -- who wouldn't be tempted to delve further? I know I am. But tell a teenager that "The jackal that hath been uncooked shall be unclean," and he'll keep those pants firmly zipped. What we have here, my friends, are Common Sense Conservative Solutions in action!

Virtue will only be restored to Our Nation when Conservatives can participate fully in national discussions without being ostracized for speaking obvious Truths. Until we can gain equal footing in this debate, we will remain America's most Persecuted minority. Praise Him!

Incontinental Breakfast

2012-01-07T22:23:00.000-08:00

The rustic accomodations of bed & breakfasts have had an exalted spot in the hearts of Christians ever since Our Heavenly King was born at the inn in Bethlehem. The unconscious touches of Americana found at your typical B&B -- the quilts, the cozies, the salt & pepper shakers in the likeness of John Quincy Adams -- emphasize how deeply a Christian nation America is. Striking a blow against these veritable Temples of Wholesomeness is something only someone who despises America would want to do, so it comes as no surprise to learn that radical homosexual activists are trying to do just that:

A bed and breakfast in Illinois that is currently under attack by a homosexual couple is now getting aid from Alliance Defense Fund.

Complaints were lodged with the state Human Rights Commission by two men who objected to the owners of the TimberCreek Bed and Breakfast refusing to allow their property to be used for same-gender civil union ceremonies, which are now legal in Illinois.

ADF attorney Bryan Beauman says about the owners of the bed and breakfast, “They're willing to host weddings for marriages, but they decline to host any civil union ceremonies for both same-sex or opposite-sex couples. But we just believe this discrimination charge is baseless.”

Having dealt with my share of hysterical queens and their knee-jerk accusations of hydrophobia over the years, I find the ADF's sangfroid to be the best way to respond to The Left's tantrums. Baseless indeed:

An e-mail reply from [TimberCreek owner] Jim Walder stated: “We will never host same-sex civil unions. We will never host same-sex weddings even if they become legal in Illinois. We believe homosexuality is wrong and unnatural based on what the Bible says about it. If that is discrimination, I guess we unfortunately discriminate.”

When informed by Todd Wathen of the new law, Walder replied in an e-mail, “The Bible does not state opinions, but facts. It contains the highest laws pertinent to man. It trumps Illinois law, United States law, and global law should there ever be any.”

In a later e-mail, Wathen wrote, “Hi Todd, I know you may not want to hear this, but I thought I would send along a couple of verses in Romans 1 detailing how the creator of the universe looks at the gay lifestyle. It’s not to late to change your behavior.”

We should all strive to strike such a moderate and dispassionate tone. By conducting ourselves evenhandedly and with restraint, we can show that our actions are motivated by Christian Love, and not by animosity towards those perverted dick suckers. Praise Him!

Yom Of Finland

2012-01-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

As a Christian, I consider one of the most important foreign policy goals Our Nation can achieve is keeping Israel free: free of Muslims, free of Arabs, free of "Palestinians," and other than those crazy schwarzes who took a wrong turn at Sukkot a few thousand years ago, free of negroes. Our Nations share a deeply Spiritual bond, one that can only be strengthened by the likes of middle-aged men hollering at an 8 year old girl & calling her a whore. Like Mama Grizzly, I too have decorated my home office entirely in Star of David... which is why it feels like a knife in my hear to read the following:

JERUSALEM - The Israeli government is launching a program to recruit[!!!] homosexuals to be unofficial envoys.

In a bid to boost its international image, the country's ministry of Public Diplomacy and Diaspora Affairs has established a cadre of diverse volunteers who speak about Israel around the world. In a recent post on its website, the ministry encouraged minorities and members of the homosexual community to step forward.

I find it terrifying that international homosexual recruitment is now being conducted under the guise of "diplomacy." A more chilling thought, however, is that this could be the future of our own country. Just think about it: In order to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell, radical homosexual activists frequently held up the IDF as an example of how perverts could openly serve without compromising military readiness. If we are following the same trajectory, it's only a matter of time before our native-born homosexuals begin enticing the nancies from overseas to invade our shores. This country is already filled with plenty of people I can't stand -- some of whom are even straight -- and this is only going to make matters worse. Christians, if there were ever a reason to vote for a candidate who would reinstate DADT, this is it. Praise Him!

Workers of the world, disrobe

2012-01-03T07:28:00.000-08:00

According to the lamestream media, the Occupy Wall Street movement is an organic reaction to the unprecedented levels of privilege enjoyed by Our Nation's Job Creators, despite the fact that the OWS wish list comes straight out of the Communist Manifesto. To hear the liberal apologists tell it, the socialist utopia envisioned by our aromatic hippie friends would hold corporate malfeasors accountable for their actions rather than rewarding them, make full employment of the workforce a policy goal, and reduce income inequality to levels beneath their Gilded Age levels... basically anything to avoid Personal Responsibility for their own pathetic lot in life. Recent actions, however, lead me to believe that their purported objectives are mere camouflage for their real agenda: a return to the clothing-optional lifestyles of the 1960s. According to my Prayer Warriors at FoxNation, a recent love-ins took a turn toward the lascivious when the pungent OWS flower children should have been Occupying a Brassiere:

A Eugene woman is speaking out after she and her family accidentally stumbled upon a topless protest outside City Councilor George Poling's house.

The woman says she was taking her six and eight year old boys out to look at Christmas lights when she saw a group of topless women, with bags over their heads and red paint on their bodies.

Reading this left me absolutely panic stricken. The Left has been tailoring the OWS class warfare message to capitalize on voter discontent. What happens if they let the mask slip away entirely and conduct this campaign totally in the nude? Barack Hussein Obama has already shown an unprecedented willingness to use the First Nipples to shore up support among his base of exhibitionists and homosexuals. Who's to say the presidential wang isn't soon to follow?

I wouldn't be so disheartened by this turn of events if I thought our presumptive nominee had the Character to resist this sort of pandering, but I have no Faith that Mitt Romney wouldn't show up shirtless at the next debate if he thought it would enhance his appeal to independent & RINO nudists. Hopefully, the good voters of Iowa will send Mitt & his opportunistic man-teats back to Taxachusetts and vote for the guy who always keeps a buffer of boiled lambswool between us & his dirty parts. Praise Him!

Double nipples on the dime

2011-12-30T09:07:00.000-08:00

One of the ways liberals wage their war on Our Nation's Values is by claiming whatever sick fetish they're trying to gain public acceptance for is "natural." Their Alinskyite game plan reads as follows: Give your Blessing to unspeakable perversions like homosexuality, masturbation, and vegetarianism, or risk being forever labeled an intolerant bigot. Sadly, the shock troops of The Left are at it again, only this time trying to normalize breast feeding:

For hundreds of moms who gathered in some 250 Target stores across the US on Wednesday, their decision to collectively breastfeed their babies in public was an act of solidarity, a reaffirmation of a natural right.

One of the largest such nurse-ins ever, the protests produced a few dirty glares, protesters reported. But overall, the largely convivial nurse-ins raised few eyebrows, as many women used blankets to cover their bare breasts and their nursing babies' heads.

Forty-five states protect mothers' rights to breastfeed in public, but the practice still stirs enough discomfort to dramatically curb breastfeeding rates, research shows.

Appalling! This "debate" is nothing more than The Left's maneuvering us further down the slippery slope to their true objective: Sex in public. Allow them to show the newborn nursing, and before long you'll have to see it being conceived.

What's especially enraging is the moonbats' refusal to even engage in any sort of civilized discourse on the topic. I once tried to have a conversation about breast feeding with one of my beauty school classmates, who was a new mom. I was startled to learn she believed in nursing her daughter, despite her Christian upbringing. "Really? Even a girl?" I inquired innocently.

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't I?" she asked in feigned ignorance.

"Doesn't that strike you as kind of... you know...lezzy?" I asked. She stormed off in a huff and spent the rest of the semester poisoning the minds of my frosting & tinting classmates against me as some sort of "Puritan."

And that, my fellow Christians, is what this controversy is really about: The insane hatred these people have for the Traditional Values that have formed the Moral foundation of Our Nation since the time Jesus guided the Mayflower ashore at Plymouth Rock. Think about it: Have you ever seen a Nativity scene where Jesus is suckling at Mary't teat? No, because that's un-Christian. "There's a huge Puritanical streak in Americans," the article cited above rightfully notes, and as well there should be. The Left can pretend Our Nation was founded by the hirsute, slack-bosomed pie wagons they so admire and whose look they emulate, but all the historical revisionism in the world can't disguise the modestly-attired Truth, that America's Christian foremothers had perky breasts and never, ever entertained the idea of nursing their young, lest they be unable to appear in swimsuit competitions. Praise Him!

Hungry for Santorum

2011-12-28T09:13:00.000-08:00

The possibility of helping guide the direction of the Republican primary and leading Our Nation to the greatness it enjoyed under the Bush presidency has been enough to pull me out of my blogging seclusion and back out here on The Internets. When I factor in the Lamestream Media's Ahab-like quest to destroy conservative candidates, it becomes nothing less than a Moral imperative. Small quirks or minor imperfections are grotesquely magnified so as to render them unelectable: Herb Cain was demonized as a serial skirt-chaser merely for being an unrepentant heterosexual; ditto for Newt Gingrich. Ron Paul, despite some questionable views on foreign policy, gets it exactly right on the question of special rights for the perverts, and is branded a hydrophobe for wanting some sort of protective layer between him and their filthy ilk (me, I'd recommend jail).

Time and again we've seen a frontrunner emerge from the pack, only to be picked off my the MSM's snipers. Credit the indomitable human spirit, because despite these obstacles it appears a new leader is about to emerge. Once America gets a taste of Santorum, they won't want anything else:

With 45 percent of Iowa Republican voters undecided and a roller-coaster ride about to come to a screeching stop next Tuesday with the GOP caucuses, it may be Rick Santorum's turn to take the final ascent and surprise the political class by ... doing better than expected?

The article goes on to state that Mr. Santorum has practiced he sort of retail-style politics more Devotedly than any of the other candidates, and at $1 million per endorsement, he's clearly not getting them wholesale. What better way to invigorate the economy than by larding the coffers of conservative organizations and letting the wealth trickle down. Prosperity Gospel, baby!

What especially makes me think a Santorum presidency could be the froth rising to the top on par with Bush 43 is his wish to barely meet the minimal expectations set for him:

"My feeling is when you're sitting last, if you can do better than that, that's good," he told Fox News.

Yes! Could we be looking at America's second-worst president? Only if Our Heavenly Father once again smiles upon us. Praise Him!

Ron Paul better get me those cha cha heels

2011-12-27T10:45:00.000-08:00

Sister Nancy Beth is not above staging a hissy fit on Christmas morning, but this is not how it's done:

Watch and learn, grasshopper:

Praise Him!s/

Death on the Cafeteria Plan

2011-12-26T15:25:00.000-08:00

Sister Nancy Beth believes the children are the future, particularly the white ones, so it fills me with Outrage that First "Lady" Michelle Obama, the affable Eva Braun of childhood nutrition, has forbidden them from ever knowing the wonders of baking cookies with their mothers, eating a hot fudge sundae, or testing their blood sugar levels eight times a day. Fortunately these tiny little Freedom Fighters have said no to breakfast at Tyranny's, as my Prayer Warriors at OneNewsNow inform us:

Since school officials decided to introduce healthier foods to the district's menu, students in the Los Angeles Unified School District have actually been eating more junk food. The Los Angeles Times reports that the attempt to encourage healthier alternatives -- such as black bean burgers, vegetarian curries, quinoa and tamales -- over chicken nuggets and corn dogs has been less than successful. Students have begun bringing their own lunches, which often consist of chips and soda.

Wolverines! Freedom is rarely free; it sometimes requires noble self-sacrifice, like consuming 4,000 calories a day. It restores my Faith in the future of Our Nation to see common sense conservative solutions like letting The Market decide in action. After all, who is better qualified to determine what to feed our children: the nanny state, or a bunch of 8 year olds (or their emotional equivalents)? I know which side I'm on. Praise Him!

Un Chien And A Loser

2011-12-24T16:37:00.000-08:00

Ever since The Left expelled Our Heavenly Father from our schools and began teaching the "theory" of "evolution," Our Nation's Values have descended to Nero-like levels of decadence. Rather than being taught the Glory of His Creation, children today are tube-fed an onslaught of filth like "adaptation" and "DNA," which is just highfalutin Libspeak for Satan's trickery and that dirty dirty mansauce, respectively. The result is a coarsened culture that seeks to downplay our Dominion over God's creatures and turn them into our equals. "A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy," a radical liberal elitist once notably quipped, presumably in reference to her choice of sexual partners, and the perverted fruit of this denuncation of God's law is becoming all too evident:

A Sacramento parolee convicted of sexually assaulting a chihuahua was sentenced this week to 10 years in prison and must now register as a sex offender.

A jury last month convicted Robert Edward De Shields of strangulation and sexual abuse of the 8-month-old chihuahua. He was high on meth at the time of the attack, prosecutors said. ...

A veterinarian later found severe injuries to the dog's rectum and internal organs.

What's especially tragic is that if The Left weren't so determined to advance their agenda of free and easy fornication, this dog could have had abstinence-only sex education at obedience school and defended itself. Instead, true to liberal form, we've got another bloodied anus and an additional member of the correctional system. If this isn't enough to convince our fellow Americans to get rid of Obama and his cabal of radical social engineers, then I weep for the future of Our Nation. Praise Him!

Tap Tap

2011-12-24T16:29:00.001-08:00

Is this thing on? I guess it's time for some blogging. The Korean pornospammers in my comments section seem to have missed me. Praise Him!

Paul-bearing

2010-05-22T15:01:00.000-07:00

While I tended to find the fairy tales of my youth Morally objectionable on account of their deep anti-American bias and sinister homosexual implications, an image that has always stayed with me is the girl who had gold coins drop from her mouth whenever she spoke, probably because I think that would be helpful should we ever return to the gold standard.

I was reminded of this especially vividly this past week whenever Rand Paul addressed the lame-stream media. The mighty Teabags of Freedom finally have the telegenic spokesman who can attest to the importance of common-sense Conservative Values in restoring Our Nation to its former greatness almost as well as our great Earth Mother, Sarah Palin can. Future Senator Paul, if I may be so presumptuous to call him that, showed his deep compassion for minority populations by saying Senate Democrats have been denying our dusky-tinted citizens the Freedom not to be accomodated by private enterprise for decades now. Isn't it time our negroid friends began participating fully in this democratic experiment? Why are democrats such racists?

Naturally, The Left went into massive spin mode to try to contain the damage, and began trotting out their leading eggheads to discredit the message of Senator Paul before it gained too much traction:

"Rand Paul has this tendency to get in public or get on national cable shows and feel like he wants to give me a lecture on constitutional law," said Conway. "I'm the attorney general of Kentucky. He didn't go to law school. I did. I don't need a lecture on Constitutional law from Rand Paul or Sarah Palin."

How elitist! Sarah Palin's knowledge of the Constitution is exceeded only by her expertise in the energy field. I for one think Mr. Paul's career in opthalmology will give him special insight into constitutional law, much in the same way my career as a receptionist in a beauty parlor qualifies me for the Senate. If snooty libtards continue to denigrate Real Americans like us, they do so at their own peril. Remember November, Christians, and Prase Him!

Rekers of Havoc

2010-05-08T11:28:00.000-07:00

Nothing is more tragic than when one of God's children, bestowed with the beautiful and natural characteristics and cravings with which He Blessed him, is forced to live a lie in order to comply with the hateful agenda of a group of intolerant bigots. And yet that is exactly what is happening to repressed heterosexual George Rekers, who is being mau-maued by radical homosexual activists for not actively embracing their perverted "gay" lifestyle:

The delight could hardly be concealed in the coverage of Christian-right leader George Alan Rekers's 10-day European vacation with a "rent boy."

According to the Miami New Times, Rekers, a prominent antigay activist who cofounded the Family Research Council, arrived at Miami International Airport with a young male escort, and later insisted he had hired the man to help him with his baggage. "I had surgery. And I can't lift luggage," he told the New Times. A statement on his Web site read: "Dr. Rekers found his recent travel assistant by interviewing different people who might be able to help, and did not even find out about his travel assistant's Internet advertisements offering prostitution activity until after the trip was in progress. There was nothing inappropriate with this relationship." But the escort, who goes by the name Lucien, told the New Times today that Rekers is gay and paid him to provide daily body rubs, giving details on specific caresses favored by the Baptist minister.

The liberal, gay, and mainstream blogosphere lit up in delight these past two days, especially with efforts by Rekers to control the damage. ...

The hypocrisy of our liberal friends is absolutely galling, though frankly, par for course. Mr. Rekers would be toasted far and wide by the lamestream media if he were to "come" "out" as a homosexual, start dating Clay Aiken, etc., but since he's bucking the gay system and not buying into their destructive agenda, he's nothing but a target for their vicious and hateful mockery. What sort of message does this send to our endangered heterosexual youths, whose straight/straight alliance clubs are already under attack in public schools? Why must they once again be told that it's not ok for them to grow up straight? One day, The Left will have to answer for the damage they've done to so many of us, and this particular grievance should be on the top of that lengthy list. In the meantime, I thank Mr. Rekers for exposing these traitors as the phonies they are. Praise Him!

Pretty Baby

2010-05-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

During the halcyon days of the Bush years, I strongly advocated for using American power abroad to advance a Christian approach to Cosmetology. Doing so would vanquish the global menace of Islezbofascism, the combined threat of Glamour-averse militant Islam & the radical homosexual agenda. Rueful tears stream down my cheeks when I think of What Might Have Been, had we also invaded Iran, North Korea, and France when we had the opportunity: Not only would Our Nation be feared and respected the world over, but our fellow citizens would have a healthy Reverence for Life, Traditional Values, and the proper use of lip liner.

While The Left ridiculed Our President's bold vision as "flypaper strategy", if they had a shred of intellectual honesty, they would admit it was better to fight the terrorists over there rather than having to fight them here, as the recent surge in domestic terrorism shows. Well, libtards, thanks to your "president"'s dithering, his terrorist-coddling policies, and his fascism-loving regulation, we're now witnessing twin assaults on America's Right to Beauty and Right to Life, right here in the Homeland*:

Los Angeles County officials have placed two staff members at Olive View- UCLA Medical Center in Sylmar on paid leave after allegations that they had participated in a makeshift beauty salon atop medical equipment in the ward for high-risk newborns, according to county officials.

The county this week also opened an investigation into broader allegations that doctors, nurses and staff at the neonatal intensive care unit put babies at risk through substandard care.

The allegations were contained in two anonymous complaints received by the commission that accredits the facility.

"Nurses and doctors through the shift get their manicures, eye brows waxed and nails filed," according to a copy of one of the complaints obtained by The Times. "The smell of acetone permeates the back area of the NICU."

Some of the hospitals' infectious disease staff, who are supposed to prevent such activity, instead participated, according to the complaint, including one doctor who "had a French manicure right on the high frequency ventilator."

Death panels! This is exactly the sort of bureacratic overreach the Patriots in the Tea Party have been warning us about. Had these children been aborted late term, the state would probably insist that these butchers be treated to facials and seaweed body-wraps at Burke-Williams at taxpayers' expense (in fact, there's a little-known section in the Obamacare bill for exactly this provision that becomes effective in 2014). However, because these doctors actually saved children's lives, the heavy jackboot of Obama's police state is instead coming down heavily on their throats. You can never start teaching the children of Our Nation the importance of personal grooming informed by The Gospels early enough, even in a neonatal unit. Without that sort of Moral guidance, they're liable to turn into Bratz-informed tarts with too much make-up, or angry lesbians who favor that "natural" look. This latest attack once again exposes what a charade Barack Hussein Obama's professed love for America and her Values truly are. Praise Him!

*if you can consider California such

Miss Them Yet?

2010-05-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

Don't be fooled by all The Left's eco-piety in wake of the recent Gulf oil spill. As usual, if something has libtards in high dudgeon, it's little more than a convenient opportunity to bash Christians for opposing their Radical Homosexual Agenda. So, millions of marine organisms are being coated in oil before dying an unconscionable death? Then don't tell them about Father Joe's Lenten Friday fish fries over at Our Lady of the Denunciation, lest Ayatollah Pelosi and her Code Pink mules be unfurling their elitist, grammatically-correct banners from the choir loft come Ash Wednesday. The wholesale slaughter of the creatures in His oceans has been a cherished institution of Christendom ever since Our Lord fed the masses with His loaves and fishes, and their shrill calls for banning off-shore drilling are thinly veiled attacks on us people of Faith.

What strikes me as most sad about this whole situation is that it presents yet another missed opportunity for reflection by The Left. Rather than engaging in the critical self-analysis it takes to understand why they hate Jesus so much and why they refuse to accept Him as their Lord and Savior, it will play into their cynical politics-as-usual, this time to retrospectively bash the Bush administration:

The oil well spewing crude into the Gulf of Mexico didn't have a remote-control shut-off switch used in two other major oil-producing nations as last-resort protection against underwater spills. ...

The U.S. considered requiring a remote-controlled shut-off mechanism several years ago, but drilling companies questioned its cost and effectiveness, according to the agency overseeing offshore drilling. The agency, the Interior Department's Minerals Management Service, says it decided the remote device wasn't needed because rigs had other back-up plans to cut off a well. ...

U.S. regulators have considered mandating the use of remote-control acoustic switches or other back-up equipment at least since 2000. After a drilling ship accidentally released oil, the Minerals Management Service issued a safety notice that said a back-up system is "an essential component of a deepwater drilling system."

The industry argued against the acoustic systems. A 2001 report from the International Association of Drilling Contractors said "significant doubts remain in regard to the ability of this type of system to provide a reliable emergency back-up control system during an actual well flowing incident."

By 2003, U.S. regulators decided remote-controlled safeguards needed more study. A report commissioned by the Minerals Management Service said "acoustic systems are not recommended because they tend to be very costly."

How cynical. If anyone's to blame for the unfurling disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, it's the Louisiana Democrats who were unable to mobilize their schoolbuses and get those animals out of harm's way in time. But then again, I'm used to the pathetic denial of The Left. So, Christians, prepare to endure more baseless lies about Conservatism, until they find their next hobby horse to ride. Praise Him!

Un-American Pie

2010-04-24T15:44:00.000-07:00

If you're a Real American like me, you're probably sick of all this elitist hand-wringing over solving the so-called "problem" of epistemic closure (whatever, Frenchy!) among conservatives. The answer is quite simple, eggheads: put a spoon in their mouths so they don't swallow their tongues, and let them go back to watching Glenn Beck. Unfortunately, the weak sisters of the conservative movement who see "epistemic closure" as the shibboleth for gaining admittance to the Georgetown cocktail party circuit have no use for common-sense conservative solutions like this. Instead, The Left and their stooges on the right view it as the problematic circle jerk among the Fox News, the Republican Party, and the conservative blogosphere, which will ultimately render movement conservatism intellectually bankrupt... at least until Sarah Palin's next book. As far as I can tell, it is the only sexual act our pointy-headed intellectual superiors find objectionable, which speaks mountains about liberal hypocrisy in these matters.

What's truly unfortunate is that all this pointless chatter about intellectual honesty and standards and principles diverts attention away from the sort of blogging that really matters, like exposing the latest pastry-based Outrage the Obama thugocracy has unleashed on Our Nation:

Obama's senior adviser, David Axelrod, told Jay Leno Friday that the president was forced to "separate" from the White House pastry chef to break his bad eating habits.

"One of the things that happened when he came to the White House is they have a very great pastry chef. It became a big problem," Axelrod confided on "The Tonight Show."

The president, he said, "has a weakness for pie."

This is a bigger slap in the face than Curry-gate, Arugula-gate, Orange Juice-gate, and Waffle-gate combined. It is my understanding that where "President" Obama comes from, the native palate tends to favor things like grubworms and zebras over American dishes like pies and cakes, which begs the follow-up question, "What kind of pastries does Barack Hussein Obama like?"

The answer probably would have surpised us. Axelrod may have unconvincingly tried to weasel out of the trap he set for himself by referring to that most American of desserts, apple pie, but I suspect in the chummy world of lamestream media in which he travels, he would have shown his true colors and said that the "President" finishes each meal with a slice of Chairman Mao's red velvet cake before bowing five times toward Mecca, and sneaks down into the White House kitchen in the middle of the night for a slice of Black Power! forest cake. The ensuing clamour would see an investigation into the unsavory past of Obama's Chicago Machine-connected pastry chef and the many revolutionary cookbooks lining the walls of the pantry (e.g. Saul Alinsky's Recipes for Radicals: Fomenting Class-Based Revolution in Five Easy Courses). That Jay Leno would choose to ignore this obvious gaffe is neither surprising nor unusual. Once again, by their dereliction of duty, liberal media's talking heads have shown that it's up to the Fox News personalities to do the heavy lifting in journalism. Megyn, Bill O, take it away. Praise Him!

Melons of Mass Destruction

2010-03-25T14:24:00.000-07:00

As the leading theologians of our day have noted, Baby Jesus weeps every time a poor person sees a doctor, and the recently passed "health care reform" bill conflicts directly with the Values of Our Christian Nation: "Gather ye premiums from the masses, and terminate yon policy upon the filing of the first claim," the King of Kings instructs us in His Sermon on the Mount. However bad this bill is for our Moral Character, though, it also presents a grave threat to National Security:

Female homicide bombers are being fitted with exploding breast implants which are almost impossible to detect, British spies have reportedly discovered.

The shocking new Al Qaeda tactic involves radical doctors inserting the explosives in women's breasts during plastic surgery — making them "virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines."

As you are well aware, not only does this bill provide unlimited federal funding so skanks can have abortions, it also provides ample subsidies for women to get their cans augmented. How many of these women, whose bitter hatred of America is already evident by their willingness to even use subsidized health care, will have their hooters pumped full of TNT so they can blow up a 747? It goes without saying that this bill needs to be repealed immediately, but that's only a start. From now on, breast enlargements should be limited to those women who embody Traditional Family Values. Praise Him!

Queens of the Circulating Library

2010-03-11T10:48:00.000-08:00

Fourteen months into the despotic regime of Barack Hussein Obama, we have witnessed an unprecedented power grab by the imperious liberal oligarhy. The Left's New World Order is reminiscent of the tyranny that caused our Founding Fathers to take up arms and threaten to move to Costa Rica, and Real Americans are doing what they can to frustrate progressives' plans to snatch our firearms, criminalize fishing, and turn the public airwaves over to ACORN. Sadly, that may not be enough, as we have lost yet another of our most precious liberties: The Freedom not to return library books.

Handcuffed and in the back of a police cruiser, Aaron Henson wracked his brain trying to figure out how a simple speeding violation had led to his arrest.

Texas man is arrested for failing to pay a $27 late fee.The answer from the Colorado State Patrol stunned him. Henson never returned the DVD he'd checked out of the Littleton library, and there was a warrant out for his arrest. ...

Towns across the county, frustrated with trying to replace wayward materials on a shoestring budget, have turned to issuing citations, court appearances, even reporting the offending library patron to their credit bureaus.

City spokeswoman Kelli Narde said Littleton lost $7,800 in lost library materials in 2009, including Henson's DVD. They issued 81 summonses for failure to return library materials, she said. "And 80 of them were resolved without a problem."

The warrant Henson was brought in on in January was actually for failure to appear. The town claimed it sent numerous bills, notices, a summons and a notice of a court date, but they apparently were all sent to a previous address and Henson saw none of them. ...

Narde said they don't buy that Henson never knew they were looking for the DVD, noting that they left two cell phone messages and that their notices didn't get returned by the postal service meaning someone had to have picked them up at his old address.

THAT'S NOT IN THE CONSTITUTION, PEOPLE! This is a clear case of abuse of process by Big Bun & Bifocals directed at anyone who dares question their authority, and I pity anyone who gets in their way.

It comes as little surprise that public libraries would be the scene of the latest encroachment of our civil liberties, as the mullahs at the American Library Association have been coddling terrorists & sheltering perverts for years. Imprisoning Americans for exercising their God-given rights is the logical extension of their America-hating impulses. Fortunately for myself, I only protest my public library on rare occasions, and mostly limit my activities to complaining to the librarians that they don't have enough copies of Ann Coulter's books. However, those of you who actually read may in fact be adversely affected by this. So until our ship of state has been righted, watch your backs, Christians. Praise Him!

When the Teabags Come Back to the Adirondacks

2010-03-09T15:12:00.000-08:00

Doug Hoffman (file photo)

If at first you don't succeed, concede & un-concede several times, and then accuse your enemies of slashing your supporters' tires. And then, if that still hasnt' worked, I guess you could always consider trying again:

Doug Hoffman, the Conservative Party candidate in the NY-23 special election in 2009, has officially announced that he's running again this year against Democratic Rep. Bill Owens, who defeated Hoffman last fall.

Hoffman announced in a press release Monday night that he would be seeking the nominations of the Republican, Conservative and Independence parties, "and unite them, as one team, to defeat the agenda of Nancy Pelosi and Bill Owens."

Thank God someone's going to take Bill Owens down a few pegs, because that dude has been all up in our chocolate ever since he "won" that seat and spends every session of Congress holding Nancy Pelosi's purse.

Better yet, another Hoffman run is, as the expression goes, good news for conservatives!, because even though he *may* have lost last time, it still represented a trouncing of Obamaism, Liberalism, RINO-ism, Marxism, Socialism, Altruism, & Dadaism. Regardless of the outcome, Hoffman's second run will be a similarly resounding victory against The Left. Our Heavenly Father hands you so few sure things in life, so when you have odds like that, you just have to take them. Praise Him!

Always Horses Coming

2010-03-06T16:10:00.000-08:00

What little girl couldn't resist a horse with a giant wang growing out of its forehead?

In elementary school, I recoiled in horror as my classmates fell under the spell of getting a pony. The very thought of all that monstrous equine junk in my face was enough to give this Christian girl the vapors, and I've long suspected that the pony lobby was really a front group for radical homosexual activists trying to normalize man-on-box turtle action: Start them out on Black Beauty & National Velvet early enough, and they'll be pot-smoking earthmothers with DayGlo unicorn posters on their dorm room walls come freshwommyn year at Wellesley. Fortunately for those of us who cherish the Christian Value of Modesty, there's a movement afoot to obscure all that tubesteak from public view:

New by-laws in Dublin mean that horses in the city center will have to wear diapers.

The carriage drivers will have to attach the so-called dung-catchers to the rear of the horse in a bid to keep areas such as St. Stephen's Green and the Guinness Store House clean.

Obviously the letter of the Irish law addresses excrement as opposed to animal exhibitionism, but given the continuum of perversion, this is really a distinction without a difference. So, my hat's off to you, Dublin governing council, and I hope that this trend catches on for all domesticated animals here in the US of A. Praise Him!

They're All Asking For It

2010-03-05T13:33:00.000-08:00

While I generally hold the commentary at WorldNetDaily beyond reproach, I take exception to this passage by Prayer Warrior Dave Kupelian:

The spectacle of a far leftist president literally forcing socialized medicine down the throat of an unwilling center-right America is reminiscent, perhaps more than any other contemporary metaphor, of date rape.

A man determined to have his way with a woman may start off seducing her with lies, flattery and the usual pretense of caring about her. But at a critical moment, when she says, "Stop, I'm not comfortable with this and don't want to go any further," he has a choice: Either do the right thing and back off, or abandon all prior pretensions and take her by force.

As president, Barack Obama courted us with sweet talk, but America grew increasingly uncomfortable with his advances and firmly said, "Stop" – in fact, screamed bloody murder for months. Yet Obama remains obsessed with forcing himself on America.

Maybe center-right America was wearing too high a skirt, or too low-cut a blouse, or in the wrong part of town late at night, that let President Obama think that her protestations were just playing "hard to get." And how much did center-right America have to drink that night? After all, if the actions feminazi eunuchs like Mike Nifong have shown us anything, it's the men accused of these crimes really deserve the presumption of innocence in these matters. Praise Him!

Whores on 45

2010-03-04T15:08:00.001-08:00

Row 1: $25, handjobs only; Rows 2 & 3: $50; Row 4: $75. Anal $20 extra.

Chances are that if your child is in public school, The Left is trying to brainwash him into forsaking Traditional Christian Values and becoming a homosexual. The curricula is riddled with such deviance-promoting agitprop as sex "education," "social" "studies" (code name for group sex), and chemistry, and after 13 years, very few students graduate with their heterosexuality uncompromised. Fortunately for the Souls of Our Children, funding for the "arts," the program most likely to turn your son into a raving nancy, has been non-existent for the better part of a quarter century. And it's a good thing, too, as today we have another reminder of why it is so dangerous: Choral music will lead to a career as a gay prostitute.

"Put on some music, swallow a Viagra, and adelante!"

That's the headline in Europe today following reports that a papal aide used an intermediary in an elite Vatican choir to solicit young male choristers and seminarians for prostitution.

Police wiretaps are expected to result in charges against Angelo Balducci, 63, a Papal Gentleman, as lay attendant are called, and the former chairman of the Holy See's Public Works Department, which is itself caught up in a corruption investigation.

According to police, Balducci regularly contacted Chinedu Ehiem Thomas, a Nigerian man who sings in St. Peter's Cappella Giulia, to engage the sexual services of young male members of the choir, along with seminarians and undocumented immigrants seeking residency status.

The ramifications of this are absolutely chilling. Is your child's band teacher teaching him to blow something other than the trumpet? Is it really candy bars they're selling door to door? And it's such a loss for Our Nation: I can't help but think that Jeff Gannon would have Shep Smith's job now, were it not for all those clarinet lessons in fifth grade.

Obviously it's very sad that The Church has to be implicated in this, as they have a sterling reputation for repulsing gay people from their ranks, so long as they're not clergy. But they are hardly the first Faith to be stung by a scandal along these lines: Beneath the polyester blue robes of your average gospel choir is a fetid breeding ground for homosexual impulses. So Christians, the next time some hippy starts bleating on about the value of "the arts" at a PTA meeting, ask him which street corner he wants his own child to work. Praise Him!

Marriage Made in Hell

2010-03-03T11:26:00.000-08:00

Ever since California experimented with promoting same-sex marriage at the expense of opposite marriage, my family has suffered terribly. I personally have experienced irreversible weight gain, increased sensitivity to light, dishpan hands, and hangnails, while my niece has had to endure the torment of split ends, and my brother had gallstones. Clearly the effects upon the citizenry have been grievous, and sadly, the people of Washington DC are about to have similar agonies inflicted upon them by radical homosexual activists:

The Supreme Court on Tuesday refused to block the District of Columbia's gay marriage law, freeing the city to issue its first marriage licenses to same-sex couples the following day.

Opponents of gay marriage in the nation's capital had asked Chief Justice John Roberts to stop the city from issuing the licenses on Wednesday while they appealed. They argued that D.C. voters should have been allowed to vote on the issue. Local courts have rejected the opponents' arguments.

"It has been the practice of the court to defer to the decisions of the courts of the District of Columbia on matters of exclusively local concern," said Roberts, writing for the court.

This is judicial activism at its most perverse, which shows why it is imperative that Republican majority be restored in Congress, so that liberal judges like Roberts can be sent packing back to UC Berkeley.

More disconcerting is the horrendous loss of Freedom this represents. Already, a year into Barack Hussein Obama's purple reign, we risk losing the Freedom to be defended by straight or deeply closeted armed service members. We can only Pray that Republicans (& mainstream Democrats like Ben Nelson & Blanche Lincoln, who's probably a lezzie) will have the strength to abide by the power of their convictions and continue to do nothing. Praise Him!

Environmental Raaacism

2010-02-21T17:33:00.000-08:00

You'll be forgiven for thinking I took my rat tail combs and headed off to do hair in Galt's Gulch, given the quietness in these parts, Christians, but you all know how relentlessly oppressive life has become under the despotic reign of Barack Hussein Obama. I was terrified to wish you all so much as a "Merry Christmas" lest Ayatollah Pelosi's stormtroopers kick down my door and drag me off to their re-education camps. But if anything will force me to raise my voice in opposition, it's more of The Left's staggering hypocrisy.

If a conservative calls for the reinstitution of Jim Crow or the blanket deportation of all foreigners, that's somehow racist. But when the deportation of illegal aliens is done under the aegis of The One's EPA, we're supposed to believe it's the restoration of endangered habitats:

The Environmental Protection Agency on Sunday unveiled a five-year, $475-million plan to revitalize the Great Lakes, including cleaning up polluted water and beaches, restoring wetlands and fighting invasive species such as Asian carp.

Federal and state officials call the effort, dubbed the Great Lakes Restoration Initiative Action Plan, "historically unprecedented" in size, funding and coordination between various branches of government.

I want my country back! This is nothing short of Socialism! With a pinch of Nazism! Slow-cooked in Leon Trotsky's crockpot! Served over a steaming bed of Chairman Mao's white rice!

And pardon me for asking this, but where are the race pimps to pander on behalf of the Asian carp now? After all, they're only eating the algae American carp can't bother themselves to eat, their apologists would presumably say... and it's just a matter of time before they begin outperforming our native-born fish in standardized math & science tests. But we should know better than to expect the civil rights lobby to be ideologically consistent. God forbid they hold the Democrat Party accountable for their blatant racism, particularly when there's always some trumped-up opportunity to bash Republicans. I guess it's too much to expect those small minds perpetually consumed by hatred to recognize the many recent advances the Republican Party has made to the cause of civil rights, but maybe once we regain our legislative majorities (though I suppose we already have), we can resume passing the sort of bills that show our deep compassion for all God's children. Praise Him!

English is the Loving Tongue

2009-12-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

In the Biblical recounting of Pentecost, the Holy Spirit visited the remaining Apostles who had passed the purity test and Inspired them to go forth into the world to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ, in English, which is why the Bible has been translated into our mother tongue so many times. It is this same Spirit of Christian love that animates English-only initiatives, to honor the Judeo-Christian origins of Our Nation and bring our fellow citizens closer to His Heavenly Grace. And it also explains this:

Officials at the Minnesota mega-mall this week told reporters planning to cover the Minneapolis-area stop on Palin's Going Rogue book tour they must address the 2008 GOP vice presidential candidate who resigned as governor last summer by her old title - a common honor, actually, which normally is accorded to former governors.

But the mall also was banning foreign reporters, permtting "only English speaking press.'' That's not a common requirement.

Mall officials, calling the proposed guidelines a mistake, apologized to Palin today for "an internal miscommunication" that was "inadvertently distributed."

In other words, it got out.

Glory, news like this only reinforces my deep Veneration of Sister Sarah. Mama Grizzly is like a latter day Apostle, spreading Truth and the Good Word about tax cuts and offshore drilling, while warning America of the great harlot, Katie Couric. May she continue to lead Our Nation to its better self. Praise Him!

Choke on Dick, Hippies

2009-11-28T10:22:00.000-08:00

May Freedom's lantern light the land!

While The Left has been busy writing and rewriting Real America's obituary, Conservatism has undergone something of a renaissance, but without all that faggoty maypole dancing and scientific inquiry and stuff. A bumper crop of viable, charismatic candidates like Sarah Palin, Tim Pawlenty, and Glenn Beck have shown that they have the policy chops to run Our Nation. But the best news is that there's a movement afoot to draft the finest statesman ever to serve in America's Golden Age, Dick Cheney:

Dick Cheney in 2012? One new political group, led by a prominent former Log Cabin Republican, thinks it could -- and should -- happen.

Despite the former vice-president's low approval ratings among the American public, the organizers of Draft Cheney 2012 believe he's the right man to take on President Barack Obama in the next election -- and, they say, he may be the only person left in the Republican Party who has what it takes to run the country.

Glory! Not only could he reinstill a healthy respect for the Rule of Law by pardoning himself from war crimes charges, but he could also shoot the many critics of future Vice President Palin in the face. Christians, we can only Pray that Dick Cheney will be the one to liberate us from the caliphate of Barack Hussein Obama and usher us into a renewed era of Freedom. Praise Him!

Currying disfavor

2009-11-25T10:30:00.000-08:00

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish those of you who happen across this blog while looking for porn a Happy Thanksgiving, only thanks to our "president," that's something of an impossibility. In the greatest assault to the sovereignty of Our Nation since Barack Hussein Obama put mustard on a hamburger, The One has ruined this most Sacred of American holidays and set back the cause of canned yams in marshmallow glaze at least a decade, by serving the Prime Minister of India an Indian-themed State dinner two days before Thanksgiving:

The dinner takes place in a huge tent on the South Lawn, and guest will dine on Indian influenced dishes with choices for vegetarians and vegans. The menu includes a salad of arugula grown in the White House garden, potato and eggplant salad, red lentil soup with fresh cheese, and potato dumplings with tomato chutney. Entrees are a choice of chick peas and okra or green curry prawns, served with caramelized salsify, smoke collard greens and coconut aged basmati.

Outrageous! First bowing to Tojo, and now this. Is it any wonder America's friends and enemies alike are snickering behind our backs?

Christians, if there were ever any reason to put Sarah Palin in the White House, this is it. We need someone who shares our Values as well as our American tastes. In a Palin administration, First Dude Todd would be cooking up hamburgers on the grill while Mama Grizzly whipped up a sumptuous batch of her world famous moose chili. If any dot-headed foreigners balked at eating meat on "religious" grounds, she could just set them straight: "If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?" Suck. On. That., you dirty hippies. Praise Him!

Tears in our beers

2009-11-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

Ever since Barack Hussein Obama was "elected" as the grand Caliph of Our Nation, Americans have had to find new ways to cope with the loss of our most precious Freedoms. While some Christians might find solace from Obama's despotism by boning a stripper in a South Carolina graveyard, sadly, one of the more prevalent methods has become problem drinking:

In a setting a tad less formal, with no president or national press on hand, the Harvard professor and the Cambridge cop at the heart of last summer’s White House “beer summit” met for a second round - this time, at a local pub.

Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sgt. James Crowley met for drinks Wednesday at River Gods, a popular River Street bar outside Central Square, not far from where their lives first intersected.

Sister Nancy Beth shares their despair, and while she doesn't approve of abusing alcohol to lessen the pain of living under the tyrannical regime of The One, it certainly does explain a lot, doesn't it?

Tragically, I can't help but think that this is part of The Left's master plan. Not only are they driving us to drink, but now they're making even more powerful consciousness-altering substances available. In a recent speech to America's school children, "President" Obama announced that "medical" marijuana would soon be dispensed from campus vending machines; he signed off his address by saying "Far out, man."

It is my fervent Prayer that America will once again embrace its Christian heritage and elect white people whose Values are uncompromised by the stain of drugs and alcohol, like George Bush & Dick Cheney. Only then can we hope to return to a position of preeminent Moral leadership in the world. Praise Him!

Dumbbell Peace Prize

2009-10-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

As the International Olympic Committee's stinging rejection of Barack Hussein Obama's narcissistic plan to hold the 2016 Olympics in celebration of Himself plainly shows, the international community hates this strutting peacock The Left has imposed on us through tactics bordering on martial law. They hate his arrogance, they hate his vanity, and they especially hate his incessant race-baiting, all of which makes this most suspicious:

President Obama, who has pledged to place diplomacy ahead of confrontation and reached out to a skeptical world with offers of mutual understanding, was awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace today for what the Nobel committee called "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples."

It's abundantly clear what's going on, and I'm a little surprised my fellow conservatives have been so slow to cotton on to what's happened: ACORN has falsely registered Nobel committee members who rigged the election in favor of The One, and now the liberal media is covering it up. Christians, demand a recount so that Sarah Palin can claim what is rightfully hers. Praise Him!

The Academy in Pearls

2009-09-16T15:33:00.001-07:00

First they beat you up, then they violate your cornholes.

While I tend to think of myself, with good reason, as the most Persecuted Christian in America, a string of news stories leads me to believe that I need to share my sash & pageant crown with Our Nation's Christian Youth, or at least start a junior division. Not only have the tiniest Treasures of His Kingdom been seduced by Barack Hussein Obama into disrespecting their elders, having plenty of sex, and learning Arabic, but now I learn from my Prayer Warriors at OneNewsNow that The Left plans to subject them to a homosexual recruitment drive ten times more powerful than all three High School Musical movies combined:

The Illinois Family Institute is raising concern over a "safe schools" amendment in the U.S. Congress.

The Safe Schools Improvement Act (H.R. 2262) would ammend the Safe and Drug-Free Schools and Communities Act to include bullying and harrasment prevention programs. Laurie Higgins of the Illinois Family Institute says this is one of the central ways to get pro-homosexual information and resources into public schools....

Higgins notes that Kevin Jennings, founder of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), is currently head of the Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools in the U.S. Department of Education and supports the bill. GLSEN has been described by one pro-family leader as a "child corruption" organization that consistently promotes books that legitimize sexual encounters between adults and minors.

This is an Outrage! Preventing kids from calling other kids "fags" is an abridgement of their rights under the First, and probably Second and Third, Amendments. It also neglects the many important character-building aspects bullying has to offer, like enhancing the self-esteem of the bully. After all, it's what made America great! Just imagine where we'd be if Nancy Pelosi or some other castrating shrew from The Sisterhood said Uncle Sam couldn't pick on gay little countries like Cuba or Guam anymore. Well, I'll tell you where: Canada ... and you know what that means. Christians, please contact your legislators to preserve the right of all children (except white ones) to be subjected to schoolplace violence. Praise Him!

From ACORNs mighty harlots grow

2009-09-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

ACORN, which is short for Anti-Christian Organization of Racist Negroes, has a long and sordid past of trying to subvert Freedom in Our Nation. Their fascist endeavors include agitating for "living wage" ordinances, registering black people(!) to vote(!!), and trying to prevent foreclosures for low-income people, much like the Brownshirts of Nazi Germany did during the reign of Adolph Hitler. But, as a new report from my Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily shows, these activities are merely fig leaves behind which they hide their true agenda -- opening brothels in your neighborhood and stocking them with nubile Christian ladies:

The community organizing group ACORN is once again at the center of controversy, this time with the release of a videotape showing two employees helping a man posing as a pimp and a woman pretending to be prostitute set up a brothel and deceive the IRS by claiming underage girls from South America as dependents.

The tape, along with a transcript, was released by a new political blog launched today by Andrew Breitbart, BigGovernment.com. ...

President Obama headed an ACORN vote registration project in the 1990s and represented the group in a legal case in which ACORN pressed Citibank to loan more money to marginally qualified applicants.

Barack Hussein Obama's involvement in this is chilling: How many whorehouses did he open while working as a community organizer in Chicago? Is the purpose of his FEMA re-education camps really to be outsized skankfarms where me & my pretty white ladyfriends get sent to service sex tourists from Dubai, and Hillary Clinton? Will this venture be funded, in part or full, by taxes levied to pay for The Left's socialized medicine program? These are all important questions that demand to be asked, ideally by Sarah Palin on her Facebook page. Praise Him!

Friday Random Ten: Ayatollah Pelosi Edition

2009-09-04T16:13:00.001-07:00

I haven't done one of these in a while, but after learning that Madame Speaker has once again shown her hatred for The Troops by replacing her patriotic Muzak with Jane Fonda singing The Internationale, I was moved to see what ditties the oracular iTunes would have me listen to. Hey, San Fran Nan, SUCK. ON. THIS.:

Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 - Hurricane
Joy Division - Atmosphere
Gram Parsons - How Much I've Lied
Bert Jansch - Katie Cruel
Monade - La Carotte De L'humanite
Lee Ranaldo - Scriptures Of The Golden Eternity #3
Sally Timms - Homburg
Dump - How Many Bells?
Gate - New York 1
Aidan Baker & Tim Hecker - Gallery Of The Invisible Woman

Praise Him!

Dairy Queens

2009-09-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

Our Heavenly Father intended for us to fill our mouths with the Glorious foostuffs of His Creation, not dicks, and as the many heated conversations I've had with the checkers at my local grocery store can attest, the line between that which is Holy and those which take Satan's guise is unequivocal. Nothing exalts the Holy Spirit more than dairy products, which is why it is especially horrifying to learn that the evildoers at Ben & Jerry's are using ice cream to promote the radical homosexual agenda:

An ice cream company is celebrating homosexual "marriage" in Vermont (see related article).

Same-gender marriage is now legal in The Green Mountain State, and Ben & Jerry's has announced that it will temporarily change its "Chubby Hubby" ice cream to "Hubby Hubby" in honor of homosexual marriage. Peter LaBarbera of Americans for Truth about Homosexuality tells OneNewsNow that companies like Ben & Jerry's neglect to talk about the dangers of the lifestyle.

"Besides the health aspects, there's also the fact that homosexual behavior is opposed by God, and that's something that we should take seriously," he contends. "All homosexual behavior is sinful, and regardless of what liberals say or what Ben & Jerry's puts on a tub of ice cream, that remains the case."

Appalling! Here I thought I could be secure in the knowledge that a steady diet of ice cream would ensure my health & well-being, but now I find out it's actually easing me on down the road of the homosexual lifestyle.

What will be the next item in your grocer's freezer to become a food of Dorothy? Already, many flavors of yogurt sport suspicious pastel hues, and Velveeta, that steady kitchen workhorse of Christian Womanhood's most celebrated casseroles, has acquired "camp" appeal. If the Sanctity of the four food groups is to be preserved, it is imperative that all comestibles of dubious sexual orientation be sent to ex-"gay" ministries for rehabilitation. Praise Him!

No such thing as a free lunch, etc.

2009-08-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

Fight the real enemy.

As a Christian living under the despotic regime of Barack Hussein Obama, I've gotten quite a taste of what life was like for the Jews of Nazi Germany. Whether it's denying us our right to breathe polluted air or expanding health insurance coverage to shiftless layabouts, the legislative aims of this administration are just like Hitler's. And when I thought we couldn't possibly be any more Persecuted by The Left, I learn they're now robbing our children of that most precious Freedom: the right to widen their already fat asses:

When Michelle Obama and her fifth-grade partners harvested lettuce and peas in the White House garden this spring, she made a point of saying that American children are "not eating right and not moving their bodies at all," and she cited what they eat in school as part of the problem.

On just about every schoolyard, the nation's obesity problem is apparent: A fifth of U.S. children are overweight or obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. ...

One portion of the bill would give the Department of Agriculture authority to update decades-old standards for the food children buy at school stores and vending machines, as well as foods such as pizza and French fries that are sold a la carte in cafeterias.

This is an Outrage of the highest order. Without question, the intent of this bill is to indoctrinate public school children with the sinister hidden agenda of risotto, arugula, and Dijon mustard. I am referring, of course, to the unspeakable perversions of the homosexual lifestyle. After all, in the mind of The Left, why give a child a hamburger if you could give him almond biscotti and a sex change instead?

Christians, in light of the menace being served up daily on your child's cafeteria tray, it's imperative that we fight childhood nutrition programs with the same vigor we are opposing health care reform. Bring your anger, bring your airhorns, bring your firearms to those townhalls. Our failure to do so can only result in that homosexual holocaust otherwise known as endive stuffed with goat cheese and prosciutto-wrapped muskmelon served as appetizers before dinner. And would somebody please tell Sarah Palin? Praise Him!

Sister Nancy Beth's Health & Happiness Show

2009-08-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

Actual liberal death panelist in action.

The Left loves to chortle about how conservatives are in disarray, but Barack Hussein Obama has unified Real Americans in opposition to his totalitarian power grab. Since The One announced his plans to force compulsory abortions on all heterosexual white women and euthanize elderly Republicans, many of Conservatism's keenest intellects -- Victoria Jackson, Sarah Palin, & Chuck Norris -- have weighed in. But we've yet to hear from the most important voice in this debate: mine. I am rectifying this horrible omission forthwith.

The Obama plan, in its un-Holy quest to cover as many Americans as possible, assaults Freedom in the most fiendish ways imaginable: by limiting copayments for preventive care and prohibiting rescissions and exclusions for pre-existing conditions -- JUST LIKE ADOLPH HITLER. I can only imagine that shredding the Constitution in this manner gives our "president" some perverse Islamic thrill. As an assistant adjunct member of the janitorial staff who often beat the chalk out of the erasers after constitutional law classes, surely he would know that the Freedom to go without health insurance is perhaps one of the most precious gifts the Founding Fathers gave to us. And Christians, this Freedom isn't free. Every year, approximately 101,000 Americans make the ultimate sacrifice of saying "Thanks, but no thanks" to the atheist commie homosexuals who want to force them into routine care. Don't let their patriotic efforts be in vain. Help keep Americans uninsured; otherwise, the terrorists will have won. Praise Him!

Obama Mia

2009-07-20T15:22:00.001-07:00

Another great metaphor by the GOP

Given the threat socialized medicine presents to Our Nation's Values, I'm thrilled to see conservatives have finally taken the gloves off and are comparing Barack Hussein Obama's policy initiatives to Abba songs. After all, contrary to what those simpering liberals want you to believe, national health care is little more than a giant homosexual recruitment campaign, much like the catchy music of those porn-loving Swedes.

The public option's deeply un-Christian purposes become readily apparent when you look at the many industrialized (i.e. socialist!) countries mentioned as having a functioning national health insurance system: Great Britain, Canada, France. Great Britain, as you are well aware, has been a hotbed of radical homosexual activism for eons, and it was only a matter of time before the anti-family agenda of perverts like Oscar Wilde and King Edward II erupted like a dormant case of genital warts. Canada has enthusiastically embraced gay marriage and medical marijuana -- it's like San Francisco, only on the metric system. And I don't want to talk about France; it's too disgusting.

More alarming are the many "medical" procedures that Obama and his anally-fixated goons at ACORN will be inflicting on the American populace. Average Joes will soon have their rosy sphincters subject to constant violation as colonoscopies, once the playthings of the rich coastal homosexual elite, become commonplace as a way of "screening" out cancer. The dirty pillows of Christian womanhood -- not to mention modesty -- will face equally cruel onslaughts as the TSA union moves their angry lesbian baggage checkers into positions at Obama's mammogram clinics.

Soon the only way to keep Christian will be to avoid the doctor's altogether, an option that the 18% of our countrymen without insurance are currently enjoying. Why not promote greater Virtue in America by increasing that number, and sinking Obama's depraved health plan altogether? Praise Him!

Taking the high road?

2009-07-09T16:07:00.000-07:00

Throughout his presidency, Barack Hussein Obama has made one foreign policy blunder after another, often disgracing himself, his office, and his country in the process. How, then, will he react to the latest communique from Al Qaeda?

An American who left the United States to join an Al Qaeda-linked group in Somalia is strongly condemning President Obama’s efforts to seek “a new beginning” with the Muslim world, mocking Obama's “magic of charisma” and warning of more attacks against U.S. interests.

The honorable response to this sort of mockery, of course, would to be to resign from office. After all, it's about country, and if the liberal media doesn't understand that, it's because they haven't spent enough time in America's small towns. However, given The One's deep hatred for Our Nation, as well as his "mysterious" fondness for the so-called "Religion of Peace," he'll probably continue to show his disregard for the presidency by continuing his term, rather than quitting, like a true leader would. Keep that in mind when 2012 rolls around, Christians. Praise Him!

Quitting is for winners!

2009-07-05T11:34:00.001-07:00

The Martyrdom of Saint Sarah

Has The Left ever feared anyone as much as Sarah Palin? Feminists hate her because she disproves the old womynist canard that we need to compete with men on their own level to succeed, when all that we really need is a nice set of cans to shake at Bill Kristol -- I keep a halter top rolled up in my purse, just in case... Lezzies can't stand her because she managed to play basketball all the way through high school without turning into a mulleted box-muncher. And homos are insanely jealous of her because she possesses the real-deal ladyparts that allow her to bear children, even if most of her kids are retards. So the moonbats must be feeling pretty swell now that they've managed to run her out of the governor's office with their vicious photoshops and baseless ethics complaints. But guess again, libtards, because quitting's just another word for nothing else left to win:

Life is too short to compromise time and resources... it may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: "Sit down and shut up", but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out. And a problem in our country today is apathy. It would be apathetic to just hunker down and "go with the flow".

So it would take a quitter to tough in out and not quit... and someone who quits is a winner(!) angling for victory from a different direction:

In the words of General MacArthur said, "We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction."

Testify, Sarah! If I may employ a sports analogy of my own, when I was in sophomore P.E., I'd claim the Curse of Eve had my ladyparts tied in knots to get off the volleyball court, and then I'd go sit on the bleachers and copy my friend's homework for third period Algebra. And I got a C in both classes! I can't help but think this might be the plan at work here: fake an injury and then go copy somebody else's notes. If Team Sarah thinks this is the winning strategy for getting her back on the road to the White House, they must know they can count on the support of Conservatives like me. Praise Him!

Kiss of the spider woman

2009-06-24T20:53:00.000-07:00

By now, you are probably aware that South Carolina's governor, Mark Sanford, has admitted to having an affair with a woman from Argentina. While the lion's share of the blame for this belongs to homosexuals for devaluing the Sacred Institution of Marriage, we shouldn't be afraid to point a finger at the two women at the center of this scandal, Mrs. Sanford and the Argentinean mistress. After all, that is how the healing begins.

Mrs. Sanford has released a heart-rending statement that shows exactly where she went wrong - by acting too much like a man (my emphasis):

I personally believe that the greatest legacy I will leave behind in this world is not the job I held on Wall Street, or the campaigns I managed for Mark, or the work I have done as First Lady or even the philanthropic activities in which I have been routinely engaged.

No wonder the man sought his comfort elsewhere. He probably thought he was going to bed each night with Karl Rove. It's a Miracle he didn't turn gay.

Even more at fault is Governor Sanford's mystery lover. What we know so far is that she is from Argentina, which Wikipedia tells me is in South America. Before Hollywood was taken over by Communists and began grinding out Jane Fonda movies, its accurate portrayals of life depicted what Latin women really are: fiery temptresses Hell-bent on bedding as many white men as their ladyparts could handle. Latin America, I understand, is also primarily Catholic. If "Maria" couldn't use the teachings of her Faith to resist her adulterous impulses, she is as much to blame for this tragedy as Mrs. Sanford.

This brings us to the elephant in the living room that we defenders of family need to bring up, for the good of Our Nation: Sonia Sotomayor

Who is to say that once she's seated on the Supreme Court, Señorita Sotomayor won't begin using her feminine wiles on her fellow justices and ruin their marriages, too? Given her membership in a radical lesbian separatist organization, she'd probably set her sights on Justice Ginsburg, just for the sport of it. I fervently hope one of our conscientious Republican senators asks her about this and gets to the bottom of this sordid affair.

Hopefully the menace Judge Sotomayor poses to Traditional Marriage will galvanize the flagging campaign against her and prevent her from being confirmed. If we hope to preserve Our Nation's Values, it is essential that the Supreme Court have only strong guardians of Morality, like Justices Scalia and Thomas. Praise Him!

Running on empty

2009-06-19T11:34:00.001-07:00

He wouldn't be so lonely if those lazy bus riders got off their fat asses and joined him...

Everytime I do my weekly protest at Trader Joe's, some patchouli-infused hippie with a clipboard accosts me about signing some retarded petition or other to expand public transportation. "I'm not gay," I tell them, but nothing can dislodge the idea from The Left's feeble minds that mass transit is the magic bullet for all their PC bogeypersons: Peak oil! Sprawl! Global warming! Air pollution! To hear the public transportation cultists tell it, expanded light-rail and bus service will do everything but cure cancer and venereal warts.

Obviously this represents only one side of the story, the side promoted by foul-mouthed liberal bloggers and the MSM in a shameless attempt to deny Our Nation's Christian heritage. Why, for example, is there no discussion of the Biblical disavowal of mass transit? After all, God took Elijah up to Heaven in a private chariot, not some crappy bus making stops every 75 feet. I extend a tip of the hat to prayer warriors WorldNetDaily for broadening the dialog and linking to an article demonstrating one of the many benefits of less public transportation: increased athletic ability

Jeffrey Lawal Balogun was just 19 when a scout from a top athletics club saw him racing after the No28.

Now, three years on, he is hoping to be part of Team GB for the 2012 London Games.

Jeffrey, currently ranked seventh in the UK at the 60m sprint, told yesterday how his lightning dash down the road in Bromley, Kent, changed his life. He said: "I always knew that I was fast, but I didn't really know how to get into running.

"Then one day I was on my way to college and had to run after the bus. I must have been quite fast because a girl came up to me afterwards and asked if I ran with a club."

If the liberals had had their way, this young athlete would have known that the nanny state would be sending another bus in five minutes, and he could have waddled over to the stop like the usual bus rider. Instead, he had to hustle, and in doing so, learned something valuable about himself. How many future champions has the coddling of public transportation advocates robbed this country of? Speaking as a Christian, I find it shameful that moonbats continue to try to increase funding for these initiative-sapping boondoggles, rather than help recruit the cream of the crop for our future Olympic teams. So let's go out there and cut bus service to underserved communities for the Gipper! Praise Him!

To Wong Foo, thanks for everything - Barack Hussein Obama

2009-06-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

The line forms early at the local welfare office...

The Left disengenuosly wonders why conservatives so adamantly oppose social welfare programs for the needy, as if they actually believe the message of the Gospels is to help those dreadful poor people rather than eliminate government regulations and cut taxes. Well, libtards, the answer is pretty simple: it's to keep them from turning into a bunch of cross-dressing perverts:

A Brooklyn man is accused of donning a wig, nail polish and dresses to impersonate his dead mom and collect $115,000 in Social Security and rent subsidies.

For six years, Thomas Prusik-Parkin hoodwinked a stunning array of government agencies with his elaborate charade - using a cane, heavy makeup, fake ID and a phony "nephew," law enforcement sources said.

How many other people are violating Biblical norms on proper attire so they can live the life of Riley on the taxpayers' dime? And how many more transvestites will The One's plan for socialized medicine create? We don't need to create more incentives for sexual deviance like this. Christians, this is a clarion call not only to fight the Demoncrats' plan for more a public healthcare option, but to also roll back the many welfare programs they've already created, before all of America looks like Folsom Street on Judy Garland's birthday. Praise Him!

shepherding His flock

2009-06-16T15:01:00.000-07:00

Nothing rends the Sacred heart of baby Jesus like watching His young followers abandon their Faith and become Democrats, except maybe the continued presence of David Letterman on CBS. The snuffing out of each of these tiny candles will lead Our Nation into a spiritual darkness, and we risk being led like moths to the lights of false prophets like Barack Hussein Obama and Joy Behar. Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily shine a little Light of their own on this phenomenon, and the factors in why young people leave church are surprisingly counterintuitive:

Ken Ham, known for his Answers in Genesis creation-science ministry, says a major study he commissioned by a respected researcher unveils for the first time in a scientific fashion the startling reasons behind statistics that show two-thirds of young people in evangelical churches will leave when they move into their 20s. ...

The survey found, much to Ham's surprise, a "Sunday School syndrome," indicating children who faithfully attend Bible classes in their church over the years actually are more likely to question the authority of Scripture.

"This is a brutal wake-up call for the church, showing how our programs and our approaches to Christian education are failing dismally," Ham writes in the book.

Among the survey findings, regular participants in Sunday School are more likely to:
Leave the church
Believe that the Bible is less true
Defend the legality of abortion and same-sex marriage
Defend premarital sex

Evidently what they learn in the Bible conflicts with what they learn elsewhere, and their Faith ultimately loses. The solution to this problem, then, is crystal-cathedral clear: Forbid premarital Bible-reading. I never read the Bible, and my Faith in The Lord is unwaivering. I get all the Spiritual instruction I need from religious elders like Pope Benedict XVI, Bill Donohue, and Mel Gibson.

Sadly, even this might not be enough to ensure our young people's Devotion to the Word. Fortunately there are plenty of other tools to keep your child true to his Christian beliefs. Ad hominem has a special place for maintaining fidelity to Christian doctrine; its Latin name shows that it is especially beloved by Our Heavenly Father. The phrase loosely translates to "Your adversary is a homosexual," and it should be employed against all those who use any of Satan's trickery to lead children from the path of Righteousness, be it evolution, sex education, or algebra. Denial is also a powerful weapon of the Spirit, one that has gotten me through many of my own personal crises, as well as the one that guided Our Nation through its greatest era. With parenting strategies like these, there's no reason your children won't grow up to be a lifelong Christian and a leader in the conservative movement. Praise Him!

Notes from the underground

2009-06-12T19:13:00.000-07:00

Speech after long silence; it is right, or so wrote some radical homosexual activist, presumably between leaving bitchy comments about why a Christian isn't fit to be Miss America on his homo friends' blogs. Greetings from the newest captive nation, Christians, and please forgive my lack of posting. It seems the nation I once loved since I last posted has been turned into a ruthless police state, one held in line by the truncheons of ACORN, Big Arugula, and Katie Couric.

The speed at which Obama's tyranny has become so omnipresent is truly startling. I took the mighty Praisemobile in for an oil change and they wanted to rotate the tires. Socialism! Worse is the subliminal, pro-Obama messages ADP is printing on my paystubs: Run "your taxable income for this period is $2246.37" through an Enigma machine and you'll get "Teach your child his anus is the eighth Wonder of the World."

But possibly the worst of all was the incessant homosexual indoctrination I received while protesting a botany class this spring. It was one insult against Taste and Decency after another, but the final straw for me came during the lecture on monocots (I have no idea either), when the instructor said, "That white stuff that's stuck in your teeth after you eat corn on the cob? That's endosperm."

Well, something in me just snapped: "Good God! Who does your lesson planning, Barney Frank?" And I stormed out, never to return. I've been living a life of quiet desperation ever since, eking out a meager existence back at Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace, and wondering when, if ever, I would return to political activism for movement conservatism. Christians, I believe that day has come.

One of the ways The Left is destroying Our Nation is through their everyone's a winner/nobody's a loser mollycoddling of delinquents and retards in our public schools. The results of this disastrous approach are evident in the higher incidences of venereal disease and voter identification with the Democrat Party. Now it's compromising the election results in Iran:

Iran's interior ministry said Saturday President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was far ahead with nearly 80 percent of all votes counted, but his pro-reform rival countered that he was the clear victor and warned of possible fraud in the election.

If you ask me, this demonstrates the close working relationship between The Left and Islamic terrorists more than your average Hollywood awards ceremony. What do you want to bet the teachers' union engineered this whole thing? Christians, if we don't want the same thing to happen here, it's imperative that you homeschool your children, before they're converted into gay Iranians. Praise Him!

Both barrels blazing

2009-01-06T12:27:00.000-08:00

Be sure to check out my advice for successful child care over at American Street, and be sure to bring plenty of spare ammo. Praise Him!

Peak Soil

2009-01-05T15:29:00.000-08:00

One of the hallmarks of contemporary liberalism is the visceral hatred for America that The Left tries to pass off as some sort of imminent "problem": Global warming! AIDS! Health care! Recession! While I plan to be Raptured out of this shithole before any of these hit, for those of you keeping track, the libtards have uncovered yet another "crisis" that, amazingly enough, will be solved by their treasonous agenda of vegetarianism and homosexuality:

Agriculture has too often involved an insupportable abuse and waste of soil, ever since the first farmers took away the soil-saving cover and roots of perennial plants. Civilizations have destroyed themselves by destroying their farmland. This irremediable loss, never enough noticed, has been made worse by the huge monocultures and continuous soil-exposure of the agriculture we now practice. ...

Any restorations will require, above all else, a substantial increase in the acreages of perennial plants. The most immediately practicable way of doing this is to go back to crop rotations that include hay, pasture and grazing animals.

But a more radical response is necessary if we are to keep eating and preserve our land at the same time. In fact, research in Canada, Australia, China and the United States over the last 30 years suggests that perennialization of the major grain crops like wheat, rice, sorghum and sunflowers can be developed in the foreseeable future. By increasing the use of mixtures of grain-bearing perennials, we can better protect the soil and substantially reduce greenhouse gases, fossil-fuel use and toxic pollution.

That's socialism, plain and simple.

Sister Nancy Beth has a secret confession for you, dear readers. For the latter part of 2008, I was protesting a soil "science" course at a not-so-local junior college once a week, and found it to be filled with the usual Christian-bashing diatribes worthy of Ward Churchill himself. Erosion, rather than being seen as Our Heavenly Father's master plan for transporting fertile topsoil from those treasonous blue states down to His loyal red ones, is instead regarded as some sort of ecological "evil," even though the means to prevent it are dangerous to Our Nation's Values. Professor Moonbeam practically had me laughed out of class when he publicly ridiculed my final paper "Someone's in the Garden with Rosie: Stubble Mulches and the Radical Lesbian Agenda," which valiantly argued stubble mulch tillage was a way of normalizing the sapphic practice of not shaving unsightly body hair.

Unfortunately, this latest assault against Our Nation seems to be gaining some traction. National Geographic must have run out of Third-World women with sagging breasts to photograph, because they recently befouled their slick pages with an unhinged rant that would have been equally at home on some obscure DailyKos diary.

Rather than once again succumbing to The Left's politics of hatred and fear, I urge my fellow Freedom-lovers to reject these scare tactics as the ploy for World Communism that they truly are. America needs to stand up to Barack Hussein Obama's sinister agenda of public works, lower-class tax cuts, and soil conservation, or we're liable to wake up one morning and think we were in Stalinist Russia. Praise Him!

It takes a feminazi to raze a village

2008-12-31T13:44:00.000-08:00

In the cut-throat world of Middle Eastern politics, only brute force is recognized in place of diplomacy. So I find a certain level of assurance that the most remorseless killer of men, women, and small household pets Our Nation has ever seen will be representing our interests at the proverbial table:

About to encounter a world of problems, including two ongoing wars, the first matter Secretary of State-designate Hillary Clinton will likely have to address is the hottest -- the escalated fighting between Israel and Hamas militants in Gaza.

While Hillary Clinton brings to the table of any future Mideast peace negotiations a respected name and the goodwill surrounding her boss Barack Obama, she also brings a legacy of contradictory statements about the Arab-Israeli conflict.

While I've been unable to find Clinton's actual quotes, I suspect the contradictory statements at issue revolve around whether she promises to enslave her victims' children seven generations before or after she chops off their heads and shits down their necks, an important distinction when negotiating a two-state solution. Anyway, I hope Chairman Hillary will continue with our policy of Israel, Right or Wrong. My neighborhood has a glut of unperfected Christians from the former Evil Empire, and nothing would make me happier than to see their flabby old Russian asses dodging mortar fire in the West Bank. Praise Him!

Tea room tirade

2008-12-29T20:54:00.000-08:00

One of the most pernicious lies MSM has been spreading since Barack Hussein Obama eked out an electoral victory through the usual liberal chicanery is that America is no longer a center-right nation. The very idea is preposterous, as only a nation truly secure in its center-rightness would elect a negroid Muslim Marxist to be president, and give congressional majorities to a bunch of baby-killing homosexuals. If you needed further proof of Our Nation's committment to Traditional Values, consider the following:

Officials in Minnesota say that interest in the airport men's room where Senator Larry Craig (R-MN) was arrested for sexual solicitation in June 2007 has finally waned. ...

The restroom briefly became a tourist attraction after news came out that Craig had been arrested and pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct. One fan of the story even attempted to buy the stall for $5000, but according to Hogan, the airport does not "sell fixtures for novelty purposes."

Nothing could possibly prove the center-left fallacy more. If Americans were truly as enthusiastic about the liberals' agenda of raising taxes, negotiating with terrorists, and fornicating in public restrooms, will.i.am would have released a paean to sex in toilet stalls on Youtube, poor Elisabeth Hasselbeck would have been reduced to tears over the new urinal cake-scented potpourri Joy Behar put in her dressing room, and our fellow citizens would still be lining up to take a gander where having a wide stance is a crime. That none of these things have come to pass shows that Americans remain firmly committed to Our President's agenda of tax cuts, deregulation, and shoving glowsticks up enemy combatants' buttholes. Praise Him!

Child molestation: not just for Catholics anymore

2008-12-25T17:01:00.000-08:00

The same ecumenical Spirit that united Catholics, Protestants, and deviant sex cultists against the radical "gay" agenda in California is alive and well this Christmas season. I learn from my Prayer Warriors Free Republic that our Baptist brethren can look forward to a renewal of their Faith through that formerly exclusive province of Roman Catholicism, cleric-on-boy molestation:

A Baptist preacher told the Pontotoc County undersheriff he did not know why he had been molesting two young boys for several months, but it might have something to do with his numerous blood pressure medications.

Kenneth Wayne Huneycutt, 60, pastor of New Hope Baptist Church in Ada, was charged this week with four counts of lewd molestation involving a 10-year-old and a 6-year-old boy, according to court documents.

It speaks volumes about how much the Baptist Faith has matured from its origins as white trash snakehandlers if these pint-sized incubi are trying to seduce their clergy, as that's the sort of Christophobia typically reserved for major religious players. Sister Nancy Beth prays that her Protestant friends' path through this experience will be illuminated the Light of Christ, and that they will rediscover the bedrock Christian Values of scapegoating homosexuals, shuffling problem clergy from parish to parish, and paying people off. Praise Him!

Cream of God-knows-what

2008-12-23T15:53:00.000-08:00

Get the skinny on how canned soup can turn you & your family gay, over at American Street. Praise Him!

Merry War on Christmas

2008-12-22T20:26:00.001-08:00

Because saying "Happy Holidays" makes Baby Jesus cry.

Change Sister Nancy Beth can believe in

2008-12-13T20:37:00.000-08:00

One of the most infuriating lies to gain traction in the Liberal Media is that our present economic "troubles" are the fault of Our President's being the Greatest President Ever(!!!), and that if only He had somehow figured out a better way of presidenting -- as if that's even humanly possible -- all those dusky-tinted people wouldn't have defaulted on their home loans and Nancy Pelosi wouldn't have made Hank Paulson buy her $700 billion worth of expensive assets for the chance of getting some of that sweet, sweet pussy of hers.

Sadly, the elephant in the living room no one wants to address is the primary role radical homosexual activists have played in the economic downturn. Ever since the passage of Proposition 8, militant homosexuals have had at least three people shitcanned for affirming Our Heavenly King's commandment that homos not file joint tax returns, an Outrage of the highest order, even if these people are Mormons. But take heart, my fellow Christians, because the Moral order of the universe has been righted and people are now being fired for supporting gay marriage instead of opposing it. Hallelujah!

Richard Cizik resigned Wednesday night as vice president for governmental affairs of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) during a week of growing uproar over his comments that he is shifting his views on same-sex unions.

"Although he has subsequently expressed regret, apologized, and affirmed our values, there is a loss of trust in his credibility as a spokesperson among leaders and constituencies," Leith Anderson, president of the NAE wrote to board members today.

And it won't just be Mr. Cizik in the unemployment lines. Thanks to the principled leadership of the Senate Republicans, all those gay autoworkers will be free to spend their days watching HGTV rather than sapping America's economic vitality with their overpriced "domestic" "partner" benefits. Victories like this, along with recent Republican victories, tell me only one thing: that America's pendulum is swinging back to the right, and that happy days are here again. Praise Him!

The Gayest Science?

2008-12-04T20:39:00.000-08:00

In an all too revealing show of its hand, The Left famously christened philosophy the "gay science." Indeed, throughout history, philosophy has been synonymous with homosexuality, as many of its earliest practitioners were little more than the interior decorators of their day, and philosophizing to them was the equivalent of cruising on Manhunt for someone to paint their toenails with. Fast-forward to the present, though, when chemistry, biology, archaeology, and most forms of mathematics are more worthy of that dubious honor of being the "gay science." Maybe in a quest to regain the ground it's lost to practically every other scholarly field, or perhaps just wanting to get back to its perverted roots, philosophy is now making a full-court press to turn your child into a lisping florist. Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily explain:

The mother of a Wisconsin teenager was stunned when her high school senior brought home a questionnaire assigned by his English teacher that asked, among several provocative questions, "Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?" ...

Hanson's son, Alex, originally thought he was required to complete the questionnaire for the next day's class. He was struggling, however, to answer the following questions:

What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?
Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of? ...
Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep it quiet? ...
Principal Dave McSherry, however, told WND that the discussion was part of a comprehensive curriculum in critical thinking skills, preparing the students to make decisions on their own in college and beyond.

"Our English department does excellent work in writing language arts, getting kids to be able to discuss and debate issues, and engage in critical thinking," McSherry said. "The critical thinking part is the biggest part we're trying to get these kids to learn. As they move on to college, we want them to be able to think for themselves, be able to weigh issues and hopefully make smart decisions down the road."

One thing is abundantly clear: "Critical thinking" is just PC code for homosexual recruitment of the most virulently anti-Christian sort. Children can't be expected to defend their heterosexuality from inquisitions like this. It's like Satan's attempts to trick Our Savior into renouncing His Divinity in the desert. And don't think they get any Moral guidance at school -- it's amazing they're even using the right bathrooms at this point.

I shudder to think how many children America will sacrifice to the depraved philosophical gay lifestyle. As it is, nearly every college requires at least one philosophy course as part of its general education requirements, which is probably one of the greatest unreported factors in the epidemic of homosexuality we're experiencing. As I see it, the only hope Our Nation has of turning away from the abyss of immorality is keeping kids out of "higher education," which Our Father, in all His Benevolence, is already doing. Praise Him!

The outer ring of the seventh circle of Hell

2008-12-02T19:37:00.000-08:00

Why didn't Barack Hussein Obama just give that angry bitch he's married to a pull-tab from a soda can instead of a $30,000 ring? Because they hate America, that's why. Read all about it over at American Street. Praise Him!

New skin for the old ceremony

2008-11-28T17:05:00.000-08:00

If there's anything The Left loves most, it's siccing their Liberal Media attack dogs on those of us who don't hew to their PC line. This was all too evident this past "election" when Joe the Plumber was mau-maued by noted Katie Couric impersonator Shepard Smith for asserting his God-given right to talk out his ass. Well, Joe the Plumber should meet Lois the Drunken Harlot, because she's being similarly pilloried by the MSM for having the audacity to be heterosexual in Barack Hussein Obama's America:

A Carroll woman who was caught having sex in the men's room at an Iowa Hawkeye football game in Minneapolis last weekend says she’d had so much wine before kickoff that she doesn’t remember walking into the restroom, the man she had sex with in a stall, or when the police opened the door.

What Lois Feldman, 38, will remember is the humiliation afterward.

“It’s ruined my life,” she said through tears today. “Not just the incident but the press.”

Sister Nancy Beth shares Lois' tears, because clearly she's the latest victim of a liberal conspiracy that was conceived when Bill & Hillary Clinton took their first acid trip together. Not only does Mrs. Feldman's heterosexual vigor make her such a coveted trophy for The Left, but she was led into this perfect storm of binge drinking, carefree fornication, and sporting events by those most vengeful of harpies, feminists:

Feldman, who describes herself as a light drinker, drank wine at the home of family friends before the football game.

She said she doesn’t remember how much she drank, but the party’s hosts refilled her glass each time it was low “so I’m sure I drank a lot.”

Feldman said her husband later told her he’d tried to talk her out of the game because she was intoxicated.

“He said I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she said.

Feldman said her husband accompanied her to the game, but their friends stayed home.

Feminism offers two paths to "womynhood" for their recruits: the bitter, accusatory lesbianism practiced by the likes Rosie O'Donnell and Kathleen Parker, or total skankdom; Mrs. Feldman seems to have fallen prey to both.

First, if Hillary and her angry band of Amazons hadn't agitated for Title IX and girls' compulsory participation in sports, our hapless victim would have been content to stay home and clean like any good Christian homemaker. Second, America's liberal universities have made a night of black-out drinking and casual sex a requirement for graduation, even going so far as to require proof in the form of an abortion or an STD -- Ever wonder what those women's health clinics on campus were for? Now you know.

As long as the fake Americans are calling the shots for Our Nation, we will continue to see more human sacrifice of this sort to the false gods of multiculturalism. Hope for the restoration of Traditional Christian Values will come when conservatives again hold the reins of power. Only then will straight people regain the Freedom to screw in public restrooms with impunity. Praise Him!

The Secret of My Secession

2008-11-25T13:58:00.000-08:00

I've escaped the malaise of being Persecuted by The Left long enough to post something over at American Street (it's been way too long), wherein I show off my foreign policy chops (2012 isn't that far away, is it?) by turning America into a bunch of foreign countries. Praise Him!

The Gingrich who stole Freedom

2008-11-23T11:49:00.000-08:00

The only things Candace Gingrich hates more than America are the soft, flowing locks of Christian Womanhood.

Ever since the passage of Proposition 8, Our Nation has been wracked by the violent terrorism of radical homosexual activists. Their shock tactics of mostly peaceful demonstrations, boycotts, and intense blogging come straight of out Nazi Germany, and now, they have found their Final Solution -- taking family members to task for their hydrophobia:

Then again, we've seen these tactics before. We know how much the right likes to play political and cultural hardball, and then turn around and accuse us of lashing out first. You give a pass to a religious group -- one that looks down upon minorities and women -- when they use their money and membership roles to roll back the rights of others, and then you label us "fascists" when we fight back. You belittle the relationships of gay and lesbian couples, and yet somehow neglect to explain who anointed you the protector of "traditional" marriage. And, of course, you've also mastered taking the foolish actions of a few people and then indicting an entire population based on those mistakes. I fail to see how any of these patterns coincide with the values of "historic Christianity" you claim to champion.

Chilling, isn't it? It's how I imagine Mein Kampf would have read had Adolph Hitler spent a year doing macrame crafts on a lesbian commune instead of going to prison. Are we as a nation going to let them get away with this? We've already taken away their "right" to marry, it's time to take away their "freedom" of speech. Our Founding Fathers would have us do no less. Praise Him!

Welcome to Amerika

2008-11-13T10:26:00.000-08:00

Greetings from Barack Hussein Obama's newly totalitarian state. Nowhere has the dictatorship of the proletariat been more enthusiastically embraced than here at Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace, where we are celebrating Dear Leader's ascendance to the throne with an exercise in liberal fascism called "Annual Fire Drill." Personally, I think it's a bit premature to begin declaring national holidays in The One's honor, but Conchita reverted to The Left's historical revisionism and said that we've had it every year since I've been here, which strikes me as implausible.

"That's because you called in sick last year, were late the two years before that, and had some Kenyan witchdoctor write you a medical note saying you were possessed the one before that. Want to see it? It's in your personnel file." I've never seen Conchita so blunt before -- it's as if the Democrats' nominal victory had emboldened her to new lows of incivility. That's hardly the spirit of conciliation Barack Hussein was talking about -- or is it? Thank you, Conchita, for showing that "post-partisanship" is nothing more than empty election-year rhetoric.

Conchita is forcing me to serve as "stairwell monitor," an act of Stalinism every bit as oppressive as Obama's plans for world communism, mostly because I have to wear a vest that's safety orange. I have explained to Conchita that I am a spring, and that blaring summer tones overpower my soft and dewy skintone, regardless of how carefully I apply my makeup, but she's not hearing it. It's just as Sarah Palin prophesied: "And government kind of moving into the role as the other half of our family, making decisions for us. Now, they do this in other countries where the people are not free."

So, this is the "change" we've been waiting for. If the past nine days have been any indication of the injustice Conservatives in America will be forced to suffer under an Obama regime, it's going to be a long four years (unless some fat chick sucks Barack Hussein's chocolate dingus and he gets impeached -- here's hoping). I had been praying that the election would trigger the Rapture and I could wrap this whole blogging enterprise up, but truly my people need me, and, though weary and suffering Persecution myself, I will offer what succour I can to the Christians of America. Praise Him!

Stimulation

2008-10-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

This frock cost $5,000 & the hair $750.
First off, I extend my apologies to all you real Americans for the lack of blogging around these parts. And as for you fake Americans, you can blow it out your ass, traitors. Blogger's block has been particularly acute lately, probably on account of how dire Our Nation's prospects look. I'm astounded at how many people hate America, or if the polls are incorrect, how ACORN has been able to rig so many of them -- something to have the FBI investigate, surely. However, glancing at the news this morning, I've been Inspired once again by the policy acumen of Sarah Palin, who's come up with her own fiscal stimulus package -- clothes shopping!

The Republican National Committee has spent more than $150,000 to clothe and accessorize vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and her family since her surprise pick by John McCain in late August.

According to financial disclosure records, the accessorizing began in early September and included bills from Saks Fifth Avenue in St. Louis and New York for a combined $49,425.74.

The records also document a couple of big-time shopping trips to Neiman Marcus in Minneapolis, including one $75,062.63 spree in early September.

The RNC also spent $4,716.49 on hair and makeup through September after reporting no such costs in August.

Obviously, as a true conservative, I have misgivings about Senator McCain spending $8672.55 on cosmetics, as I think it sends the wrong message to our children. However, it's probably just a bad habit he picked up while he was in prison and away from female companionship, and I'm pretty sure the Bible makes allowances for this sort of deviance if it's done while fighting Communism. However, with Mrs. Palin, it's another story, and if every Christian woman followed Sister Sarah's lead, it's just a matter of time before the economy rebounds from this recession the Clintons set us up for and Christian Glamour is the law of the land. Praise Him!

Gentlemen, stop your search engines

2008-09-30T22:27:00.000-07:00

Read about it at American Street: How using Google turned me into a raving homosexual, and is probably doing the same to you. Praise Him!

Alms for the poor bankers

2008-09-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

Like many of you, I'm aghast at the thought of the public checkbook being opened up to bail out those greedy swine who've brought Our Nation to the brink of economic collapse. 700 billion dollars could build upwards of 1700 bridges in Alaska, and as galling as it is that our Christian friends up north will probably have to do without these necessary updates to their infrastructure, what's more infuriating is that the saboteurs most responsible for precipitating this holocaust are walking away scot-free. I am referring, of course, to black people! My Prayer Warriors at World Net Daily explain:

While many pundits are pointing to corporate greed and a lack of government regulation as the cause for the American mortgage and financial crisis, some analysts are saying it wasn't too little government intervention that cased the mortgage meltdown, but too much, in the form of activists compelling the government to pressure Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae into unsound – though politically correct – lending practices. ...

In a nutshell, Liebowitz contends that the federal government over the last 20 years pushed the mortgage industry so hard to get minority homeownership up, that it undermined the country's financial foundation to achieve its goal.

As you are probably aware, minority communities have made out like bandits by gaming Our President's ownership society plan and are living the life of Riley. Meanwhile, vast swaths of the financial services sector are soon to join the sorrowful ranks of the second-homeless.

Indeed, the warning signs were there all along. Liberal media has long tried to suppress this story, but when former Countrywide CEO Angelo Mozilo would endorse his 121.5 million dollar paychecks, he would hastily write notes to the bank teller on the back: "Help! Black folks are making me do this -- tell the guard!" Similarly, IndyMac's Michael Perry was kidnapped by a band of angry black militants and imprisoned for two months in a closet in Watts, where he was repeatedly beaten and sexually assaulted. It was only when he began parroting their rhetoric of fraudulent valuations and undocumented Alt-A mortgages for Whitey that they released him to do their bidding, and we know how that turned out.

Patriots, it is a Moral imperative that any bailout punish those most culpable for this horrendous turn of events and spare the innocent. While the action proposed by Our President is consistent with these Values, the Democrat Party is once again trying to turn this into a giant welfare bill to benefit the poor & the needy. It's time to stand up in solidarity with our persecuted brethren in the investment banking industry and give them the funds they so clearly deserve. Praise Him!

Like John Bolton, but with a larger penis

2008-09-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

I am referring, of course, to the news that my idol Sarah Palin will be pounding one of her snowshoes on a podium at the United Nations. Read my take on it over at American Street. Praise Him!

Sarahndepity

2008-09-11T16:32:00.000-07:00

Hello, Christians. I'm Just checking in to sing the Praises of Sister Sarah Palin. Here's the latest on America's favorite Nice White Lady:

† Sarah threatens war with Russia - But only after her attempts to get them fired have failed.

† Sarah's town charged victims for rape kits - The social costs of violence against women are too high. Isn't it time that these women started paying for them themselves?

† Sarah understand what good governance means - Using elected office to further personal vendettas against friends & family members. Praise Him!

Que Sarah sera

2008-09-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

Head over to American Street where I salute great American stateswoman Sarah Palin, whose daughters probably conceived several more grandchildren while I composed this entry. Praise Him!

The house I threw up in

2008-08-26T16:45:00.001-07:00

Sister Nancy Beth is fighting for America's families -- by getting them evicted. Read about it at American Street. Praise Him!

Letting the Ayers out of the tired

2008-08-22T15:51:00.000-07:00

If we must relive the 60's, can we at least have some drugs?

William Ayers, noted 60's radical and close, personal confidante of Barrack Hussein Obama, is a man so unspeakably evil that hardly anyone has ever heard of him. Fortunately for Our Nation, a group of dedicated Freedom-lovers have taken it upon themselves to expose this viper nestling in Lady Liberty's bountiful bosom to the masses. I extend my deepest thanks to Prayer Warrior Michelle Malkin for alerting me to their noble efforts:

A conservative nonprofit group with a past link to Sen. John McCain's presidential campaign is spending $2.8 million on an ad questioning Democrat Barack Obama's relationship to a founder of the 1960s radical group Weather Underground.

The ad, which is expected to begin airing Thursday in Michigan and Friday in Ohio, focuses on William Ayers, whose Weatherman organization took credit for a series of bombings, including nonfatal explosions at the Pentagon and U.S. Capitol 40 years ago.

Obama's apologists have tried to downplay this connection, blithely claiming that their Chosen One was only eight years old when Ayers and his gang of thugs were raping, marauding, and pillaging Our Nation's Values... an assertion which overlooks one crucial fact: Obama had already begun decapitating his classmates at the tender age eight. His legs were probably too short to reach the gas pedals to drive the getaway car, but he could have been involved in some other capacity -- look-out man, decoy, maybe even selling candy bars door-to-door to fund their terrorist escapades. Obviously the Obama campaign and their enablers in the MSM think that if they ignore them long enough, these troubling allegations will just go away. Well, guess again, because conservative bloggers are on your trail!

It shocked me to learn that this Ayers character not only isn't in prison or living on the lam under an assumed name, but is living openly about -- and prospering from -- his terrorist past. Presently he is ensonced in the radical madrassa University of Illinois at Chicago, where he advocates the violent overthrow of the American government through more active participation by schoolchildren in the classroom, and God knows what else. In short, he is a menace to the American way of Life, and sadly, just one of the many dangerous felons whose acquaintance we will be forced to make thanks to Barack Hussein Obama. Praise Him!

Oops

2008-08-22T13:24:00.000-07:00

Guess who's been a lazy bitch lately... American Street entry from last Tuesday, here.

Public service announcement

2008-08-12T22:28:00.001-07:00

I have resumed my posting duties over at American Street to remind the electorate that Barack Obama is still black. Praise Him!

I shall be released

2008-08-11T21:46:00.000-07:00

Rejoice, Christians, for Sister Nancy Beth's Christian bondage has finally come to an end, and it should please all of you to know that not once did I bow down to The Left's PC orthodoxy of "chemistry." Naturally the final was laden with Satanic trickery of all sorts to compromise my Faith (sample question: "what accounts for water's high surface tension and boiling point?" My answer: His Heavenly Grace), but I stuck to my guns and threatened to sue for religious discrimination at every turn. All in all, it was a resounding success for intellectual Freedom, and an experience I hope to replicate again this Fall.

Fret not, gentle readers, for I know that while you fear that your good shepherdess is going to throw you to the wolves yet again, next semester's class is only one night a week, so it shouldn't devour my life like this last one. One of the hard realizations I've had is that until the State Board of Cosmetology escapes from the full-nelson the radical black homosexual Muslim activist lobby presently has it in, the likelihood of getting my cosmetology certificate is pretty much nil. While the dream is in no way over (that's what photoshop is for!), it is time to formulate a Plan B, career-wise, since beautician is as off-limits to us white people now as rapper, professional athlete, or President of the United States.

One of the most curious effects of being away from blogging was the development of something called "perspective," which is basically an early stage of appeasement that liberals want us to have before we renounce Christianity and convert to Islam. I was afraid that after not getting Outraged for so long that I would be unable to summon my usual wrath, but I am pleased to report that flying off the handle is much like that proverbial bicycle: You never really forget how, and anyone in your path will probably need medical help afterwards.

Today's Outrage comes to us from my Prayer Warriors One News Now, who inform us that California's public schools will soon be required to celebrate perversity even more than they are now:

Thursday the California Assembly approved AB 2567, which designates May 22 as "Harvey Milk Day." The 43-26 vote occurred on party lines with Democrats for, Republicans against. Earlier this week, AB 2567 passed the California State Senate on another party line vote 22-13 -- Democrats for, Republicans against. The bill will require all public schools to "conduct suitable commemorative exercises" in commemoration of the anti-religious, homosexualist agenda of the late San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk.

The mind reels at what you will soon find in your child's backpack after "Harvey Milk Day" -- Kylie Minogue remixes, no doubt, or a tambourine, or maybe even a Scholastic version of Latin Inches magazine. Disgusting.

The sad truth of the matter is that our authors don't do proper justice to the true horrors about to be unleashed on California's school children (my emphasis):

SEC. 2. Section 37222 of the Education Code is amended to read:
37222. (a) The following days in each year are designated and set apart as days having special significance:
(1) The second Wednesday in May as the Day of the Teacher.
(2) April 21 of each year as John Muir Day.
(3) April 6 of each year as California Poppy Day.
(4) May 22 of each year as Harvey Milk Day.
(b) On each of the days designated in subdivision (a), all public schools and educational institutions are encouraged to observe those days and to conduct suitable commemorative exercises as follows:
(1) On the Day of the Teacher, exercises commemorating and directing attention to teachers and the teaching profession.
(2) On John Muir Day, exercises stressing the importance that an ecologically sound natural environment plays in the quality of life for all of us, and emphasizing John Muir's significant contributions to the fostering of that awareness and the indelible mark he left on the State of California.
(3) On California Poppy Day, exercises honoring the California Poppy, including instruction about native plants, particularly the California Poppy, and the economic and aesthetic value of wildflowers; promoting responsible behavior toward our natural resources and a spirit of protection toward them; and emphasizing the value of natural resources and conservation of natural resources.
(4) On Harvey Milk Day, exercises remembering the life of Harvey Milk and recognizing his accomplishments as well as the contributions he made to this state.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is The Left's secret weapon, a dreaded one-two punch of homosexuality and floral arranging to turn God's innocent lambs into flaming nancies, with a granola chaser thrown in to make sure your daughter aspires to becoming a PE teacher. It is unconscionable that our young people are even subjected to such filth, but as my recent ordeal has shown me, you're pretty much expected to forfeit your First Amendment rights once you set foot in a public educational facility. While I lost what little respect I had for Governor Schwarzenegger after he married that Kennedy bitch, at least he's threatening to veto anything but budgets these days. With any luck, this bill will meet an a similarly inglorious end, and heterosexually will be preserved in the classroom. Praise Him!

Prayers for Nancy Beth, Week 6

2008-07-27T18:34:00.000-07:00

Greetings once again from the Bataan Death March of Christian Persecution better known as Introductory College Chemistry. I have two weeks left until Our Lord releases me from this spiritual bondage, and I can only hope that I live through this ordeal so I can continue to spread The Word about these modern-day death camps, America's junior colleges, where just being a Christian marks you for punitive actions by the instructors and ostracism from your classmates.

As I have said in the past, my foray into the underbelly of contemporary higher education has been shocking, to say the least. Bias against people of Faith is overt and seemingly encouraged by the administration (response I received back from the chair of the Chemistry department: "Have you considered transferring?"), and Christian Values are routinely trampled on in the promotion of the God-less secularism of "science" and "objectivity." This past week, I again found myself in the middle of The Left's assault against Our Nation's Virtue, this time coming face to face with the dreaded "Hook-Up Culture."

For those of you who don't read Townhall, "hooking up" is Feminism's primary curriculum for today's female college student, in which she is encouraged to have as much casual sex with as many unsuspecting boys she can seduce before she graduates and becomes a lesbian. Christian Womanhood has paid dearly for this, naturally, as the rampant preying upon our formally honorable gentlemen scholars has turned these men into a generation of perverts who spend their days downloading internet porn and volunteering for the Obama campaign rather than marrying and getting us pregnant. I've been on the radar screen of one such lothario ever since class began, and on Wednesday he made his move: "Hey, can I borrow your calculator?"

"No, I will not perform oral sex on you," I responded.

"What?" he asked, perhaps unaccustomed to somebody actually rebuffing his lecherous advances.

"Don't play dumb with me, you heard perfectly well what I said. Just because I'm taking chemistry doesn't mean I'm one of those horny female scientists feminism is always championing." And with that, he sulked off. I'm tempted to report him to the administration for sexual harassment, but the dean's no longer taking my calls. Plus, from what I've read, I probably brought this on myself, and I need to dress more modestly or something.

In related news, I got my second midterm back this week, and I am pleased to say that I scored a major victory for women in the sciences by getting a C -- barely. Sure, I could have done better (ahem... maybe), but contrary to what those angry feminists will have you believe, the road to true equality for women will come by compromising our full potential and avoiding conflict until men are ready to cede to us what we want, not by doing better than them and challenging discriminatory policies. So, Christians, know that even though this blog is largely silent, I am still in the trenches, fighting for a better, brighter, whiter, and Holier America. Praise Him!

Prayers for Nancy Beth, Week 4

2008-07-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

Geetings, faithflock! My sojourn through the heart of Darkness better known as Introductory College Chemistry is now halfways over. I certainly miss my semi-irregular blogging beat, writer's block and all, and look forward to the time when I can resume taking liberals to task as the traitors they are. Knowing that someone somewhere said something on the internet and I don't have the time to get upset about it is torture far worse than any of those frathouse pranks our troops may have played on the detainees at Gitmo. I also can't help but feel that my little sabbatical must be a collosal disappointment to my blogging heroine, Michelle Malkin. But, as you can imagine, I've got enemies closer to home to fight for now, namely in the form of my lab partner, Bernadine, another one of those angry, man-hating feminists that higher ed's treasonous assembly line excels at cranking out.

Judging by her Asiatic features and blatant disdain for American Values, I would hazard that Bernadine is from either Red China, North Korea, or San Francisco. Hoping for the best, I earnestly asked her, "So, did you come here to escape the Godless persecution of Communism?"

"Not really. I think I want to be an actress," she responsed. It was even worse than I imagined: she was here to spread Communism.

On Monday Lucifer's Harlot handed back the tests we took the week before last, and before lab started on Tuesday, Bernadette asked what I got for problem 3(c). "Noah's ark," I told her.

"But she was asking for moles of copper(II) sulfate," she replied, confused.

I then explained to her that it was important not to do too well in the hard sciences, art, athletics, or the humanities, lest our male classmates disrespect us. "Believe you me, once you start beating the boys at math, you're just asking for wall-to-wall coverage on CNN until some Caltrans worker finds your body on the side of the freeway. Thats why it's always best to shoot for a C. C as in Chastity, I say."

"That's retarded. Girls don't get raped for doing well in school," she vainly protested, oblivious to what it was I had in fact said. With comprehension skills this low, it was clear that at least one child had indeed been left behind, despite the valiant efforts of President Bush.

I tried to break it down into terms that even she would understand. "I didn't say it happened from doing well in school. I said it happened from doing better than boys. There's a world of difference. It confounds their naturally competitive instincts, the poor things, and pretty much all bets are off in terms of how they'll behave -- haven't you ever read Kathleen Parker? Besides, don't get mad at me, get mad at your fellow feminists. They're the ones always urging you to go out and try to drink the boys under the table. Say, isn't that skirt a little short?"

I doubt my counsel pierced that thick skull of hers, as she spent the rest of the night texting her presumably slutty friends with messages like "im horny r u?" or "lets go get abortions 2morro" or whatever it is college-age girls say to one another these days -- I haven't gotten around to that Tom Wolfe book yet, sorry.

Anyway, I'm off to spend the rest of the night trying to memorize the formulas for 90 ions and ionic compounds (don't ask). I had a heated email exchange with Lucifer's Harlot objecting to the fact that while she was requiring us to memorize all of those, she hadn't so much as breathed a word about the Ten Commandments, and that if America wants to regain its competitive edge, we need to waste less time on liberal flimflammery like covalent bonds (sounds suspiciously close to "civil unions," don't you think?) and try to instill a sense of Morality in the minds of my sex-crazed classmates. Evidently helping society go to hell in a handbasket is an important part of being granted tenure, so it just broke down from there, and while I'm not especially proud of signing off my last message with "Fuck you bitch this will be on your review," she still has 4 weeks to come to her senses and avoid that outcome. So let's hope the Holy Spirit prevails. Praise Him!

Prayers for Nancy Beth

2008-06-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

Greetings from America's very own gulag archipelago, the community college system, where I can only imagine the world outside that is rapidly passing me by. As I predicted last week, this chemistry course I'm protesting has kept me too busy to blog. However, I was dead wrong when I also predicted that my instructor would be a sensible liberal (in the mold Joe Lieberman or Mickey Kaus) whom I could tolerate. She is hell-bent on pushing her radical activist agenda on all of us, and wouldn't recognize academic Freedom if it strapped electrodes on her ladyparts and made her stand on a box. From here forward, she will be known as Lucifer's Harlot.

Ms. Harlot has repeatedly said that chemistry is at its core a form of algebra, which, as you are probably aware, is nothing more than Islamic numerology (I predict Madonna will champion it next year, once she tires of changing that little Malawian kid's shitty diapers). I have made repeated attempts to get an exemption from having to do all these equations on religious grounds, as I find cross-multiplying detrimental to Our Nation's moral character and a leading factor in teen promiscuity and miscegenation. "Sure, it may start out with solving for the mass of an imaginary tungsten rod," I warned Ms. Harlot, "but how soon until you're raising a mocha-skinned grandchild named Barack Hussein?" I also pointed out that the use of variables is nothing more than The Left's moral relativism quantified, and that it's just a hop, skip, and a jump from calculating the pressures of a gas to widespread euthanasia. But, like all liberals, she rejects any information that doesn't support her sheltered view of the world.

In other course-related news, the swarthy Jose either dropped the class or has been deported, meaning that my lab sessions will be free of his menacing latin sexuality and I can unclutch my pearls long enough to record the temperature of cooling water, in Celsius no less. I'm deeply troubled at how the European-style metric system is being imposed on us, and wonder if its prevalence in the "sciences" isn't somehow responsible for the widespread acceptance of homosexuality we're witnessing. Obviously that's a blog post for another time (as is the homosexual nature of atomic bonding), so as we say on the internets: Stay tuned (but not too closely, I've got a test tomorrow). Praise Him!

The elements of treason

2008-06-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

Not an honorable one in the batch

Sorry for the gap in blogging, Christians, but your dear Sister Nancy Beth has entered the belly of The Beast by enrolling in a chemistry course four nights a week at her local community college. It is, as you would expect, a perversion of everything good and Holy in Our Nation, an open invitation to God to smite us mightily once again. While I had previously thought that biology represented the nadir of Christian-bashing in academia, the past three days have truly opened my eyes. At least in biology you have opposing schools of thought, what with the Intelligent Design and Global Cooling movements and all, but in Chemistry they're all unabashed Stalinists, marching in lockstep to sharia-compliant World Communism.

The ivory tower elistists running this show have gone to every conceivable length to denigrate America's Judeo*-Christian Heritage, starting with the "periodic" table of the elements. Just its name is offensive, as it serves up the same sort of vulgar, in-your-face feminism embodied by the [Ladyparts] Monologues, and in many ways should be considered its spiritual lesbian foremother. The elements themselves reflect the liberal bias of higher education: One is named after France, another is named after an intimate part of the female anatomy, there's one named after a dead female Mexican singer as a sop to the open-borders/multiculturalism crowd, plus a whole bunch named after bisexual Greek deities. Not surprisingly, Code Pink was given the choice of selecting which places in America would be represented: Berkeley and California. Clearly there's no room in chemistry for God or Country, as only one is named after America (and it could be that dreadful Latin America, for all we know), and Our Lord and Savior Jesus doesn't even rate a single mention.

Despite being my sworn spiritual enemy, the instructor maintains at least a facade of civility in the classroom. That is not the case with the TA for the lab component, "Omar," from Cuba -- need I say more? When I questioned the wisdom of freely distributing potentially fissile chemical compounds like H₂0 and small aluminum cubes without first running NSA background checks on my fellow students, and told him that certain Middle Eastern countries had been invaded for less, he dismissed these concerns out of hand while launching into talking points he presumably cribbed from the ACLU's website about safety goggles and keeping our workspace clean. And they wonder why we question their patriotism?

My classmates are a fairly unremarkable lot, with two exceptions: An older woman whom I call "Hillary," who wants to argue over everything (attendance policy, the syllabus, the wording for test questions that haven't even been written yet), and the swarthy, hirsute, and presumably undocumented Jose, whose chest hair poking up from beneath the collar of his t-shirt is endlessly distracting and a Siren's call to illicit fornication. No wonder venereal disease is so rampant on today's campuses -- not everyone has the same capacity for abstinence and self-denial as Sister Nancy Beth. And with these tempting little cupcakes like Jose sauntering around in their cargo shorts and flip-flops, today's Christian student certainly has a hard road ahead of her. I pray that I can show how my sisters in Christ how to find the inner Light that temperance provides, probably by making an anonymous phone call to the INS.

I'm not quite sure how this will affect blogging over the next eight weeks, aside from taking away more time from it. I've asked Kevin over at American Street to see if he'd consider moving my slot from Tuesday to either Saturday or Sunday, since the only thing happening Monday through Thursday is a whole lotta Christian Persecution. In the meantime, I'm going to try to offer brief, koan-like moments of zen when studying eases up or I need to take a break from all that shemaleum sulfide reacting with oxygen to form lesbianic acid. So if you check back here and see nothing's been posted, think of me and say a Prayer, and hopefully something will show up soon. Praise Him!

* Go Israel!

Black widow

2008-06-14T11:22:00.000-07:00

First off, I extend my condolences to the family of Tim Russert. His sudden death isn't something I would wish on any member of the liberal media except Katie Couric, and his passing is an urgent reminder to all Americans to get right with God before they meet their Maker, something they can do by voting a straight Republican ticket this November.

Secondly, does anyone else find it odd that less than two weeks after we learn about the Clintons' enemies list, one of the chief malefactors "passes away" under a cloud of mysterious circumstances? They certainly don't at Free Republic:

† Many people always felt that Tim Russert was ready to take on the Clintons if he had too... He knew about the Juanita Broaddrick story (actually watched the 5 hour interview) and told people later that he felt like he was going to throw up. During debates he brought up the Clinton Library and questioned the bizarre pardons made by Bill Clinton in front of a national audience... Early in the election during a Clinton campaign conference call with several journalist on the call, a Clinton surrogate made sure to say that Russet should be shot... Basically, the Clintons always knew that Russert would be a problem for them.

† "Things happen in June...," Hillary Rodham Clinton
† Hillary’s revenge. She executed her payback for him asking that question about the (then) New York governor’s (what was his name again?) law for drivers licenses for illegals.

† Was this Arkancide? Remember it was Russert who personally derailed Hillary’s Oval Office Express with his super-tough interrogation of Clinton about her position on the Spitzer drivers license policy. I saw a graph somewhere that showed a total collapse in her polls from that very date. HRC does have a lot of time on her hands now.

I applaud these intrepid Patriots for speaking out, and pray that their courage doesn't consign them to a similar fate as Mr. Russert. In a just world, their bold declarations will percolate through the blogosphere and ultimately surface as accusations of sinister alterations on his death certificate, or perhaps as an email chain letter. Only then will the cause of Justice be served. Praise Him!

White pearls, Black rage

2008-06-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

While reputable journalists have spent the past week feverishly trying to avoid another 9/11 by deciphering the terrorist hand signals the Obamas flashed to the Muslim world, one aspect of their shameful displays of treason has been largely ignored: Michelle X Obama's questionable choice in jewelry. While there has been some discussion of her baubles of mass destruction, it's been largely relegated to the style section of the newspaper, further proof of MSM's complicity in abetting their Nubian Messiah's attempt to steal the White House. Rather than being a chic declaration of fashion independence, Ms. Obama's seditious necklace is further evidence of her deep hatred for white people and the latest gaffe that threatens to blow the cover off her hostility towards Our Nation, because those pearls are just as fake as her patriotism:

“Power pearls,” are what Jack Lynch, a wholesaler at Sea Hunt Pearls in San Francisco, Calif., calls the gobstopper-sized pearls that Michelle Obama favors. (The nickname comes from the big marble-sized candies also known as "jawbreakers.") Women who wear these mean business.

Gobstopper-sized pearls are favored by powerful women like Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, and Senator Dianne Feinstein, says Betty Sue King, a wholesaler at King’s Ransom in Sausalito, Calif. The irony is that “power pearls” connote wealth and power, but the larger ones may actually be fakes! ...

Now we didn’t get up close and personal enough to bite the pearls to tell if they’re fake — if they’re fake they feel smooth, if they’re real they feel gritty — but fashion watchers are speculating that they are indeed of the faux variety. “They’re imitation!” says Alcindor. “I don’t think they’re real.” The Times and U.K.'s The Guardian agree. The Guardian theorizes that fake pearls let her evoke the Kennedy era “without detracting from the messages about her humble origins and feet-on-the-ground family life which play so well with voters.”

As a hard-working American, I find all this evocation of the Kennedy era (e.g. "Camelot with a tan") a bit hard to swallow, since the Kennedys were, at the very least, Christian, even if they didn't act like it. Also, they were born in America, or at least what used to be. Just what kind of bait-and-switch operation is The Left trying to pull here?

What's more troubling is that Ms. Obama's counterfeit pearls only amplify the sense of deception surrounding the Obama campaign, whether it's Barack Hussein's elusive birth certificate (finally revealed, here), or his trumpeting of anti-Semitism on his website. After all, it's only one small step from this: to this:
The Obamas and their supporters in the liberal media and blogosphere have been allowed to let this charade to go on long enough. It's time that we Christians take a more assertive roll and quit letting the Black Muslim Homosexual lobby walk all over us. I urge you to use the power of the internets to expose all the liberals' jewelry-based treacheries, whether it's missing flag lapel pins or these pearls practically strung by Mohammed himself. Only then can we hope to see Our Nation return to the Values and jewelry that made America great. Praise Him!

Anointing with the Holy oil

2008-06-10T16:58:00.000-07:00

Head on over to American Street where I laud my personal heroine, Michelle Malkin, for her unceasing devotion to America's Persecuted oil companies. Praise Him!

Caturday

2008-06-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

Some stoo-pid moonbat sent me the usual hatemail calling me a fascist and hydrophobe, and signed off by saying that my pussy probably smelled. Well, jerk, it does nothing of the sort, because I bathe it regularly. Need proof?

Here's the Praisecat luxuriating in the rich, hydrating emollience of Magic Coat pet shampoo and otherwise enjoying a day of beauty, after which he tried to puncture one of my arteries. It leaves him softer than a chinchilla and, yes, delightfully fragrant. So keep those cards and letters coming, libtards. Praise Him!

Beginning to see the Light

2008-06-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

The Left has made comparing John McCain to President Bush a central point in their efforts to further ruin Our Nation, and I must say that the Senator doesn't come across well in this match-up. He clearly lacks Our President's oratorical skills, he hasn't publicly accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, and he couldn't figure out how to clear brush if you put a rake in his hand and told him there was $20K of lobbyist cash somewhere out in that field. While I do think a McCain presidency would be something of a disappointment, particularly after the past eight stellar years of presidenting (THANK YOU, MR. BUSH), there are glimmers of hope, of a distinctly non-negroidal persuasion:

A top adviser to Senator John McCain says Mr. McCain believes that President Bush’s program of wiretapping without warrants was lawful, a position that appears to bring him into closer alignment with the sweeping theories of executive authority pushed by the Bush administration legal team.

In a letter posted online by National Review this week, the adviser, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, said Mr. McCain believed that the Constitution gave Mr. Bush the power to authorize the National Security Agency to monitor Americans’ international phone calls and e-mail without warrants, despite a 1978 federal statute that required court oversight of surveillance.

Mr. McCain believes that “neither the administration nor the telecoms need apologize for actions that most people, except for the A.C.L.U. and trial lawyers, understand were constitutional and appropriate in the wake of the attacks on Sept. 11, 2001,” Mr. Holtz-Eakin wrote. ...

Although a spokesman for Mr. McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, denied that the senator’s views on surveillance and executive power had shifted, legal specialists said the letter contrasted with statements Mr. McCain previously made about the limits of presidential power.

In an interview about his views on the limits of executive power with The Boston Globe six months ago, Mr. McCain strongly suggested that if he became the next commander in chief, he would consider himself obligated to obey a statute restricting what he did in national security matters.

Mr. McCain was asked whether he believed that the president had constitutional power to conduct surveillance on American soil for national security purposes without a warrant, regardless of federal statutes.

He replied: “There are some areas where the statutes don’t apply, such as in the surveillance of overseas communications. Where they do apply, however, I think that presidents have the obligation to obey and enforce laws that are passed by Congress and signed into law by the president, no matter what the situation is.”

Obviously some revisionist historians are going to come along and try to spin this as a "flip-flop." But aren't these the same type of terrorist sympathizers who would sneer at St. Dismas' conversion while being crucified alongside Jesus? They don't care about what's good and Holy, or that John McCain renounced his sinful ways. Their sole concern is scoring easy political points for their side: the terrorists. And speaking of "easy," the only time they're for immunity is when it involves slutty young girls and venereal disease. Those hardworking telecoms doing The Lord's business of protecting America from immigration lawyers and Saudi Arabian florists can take a hike. This, my friends, is the Democrat Party's true agenda: dhimmitude, homosexuality, and premarital sex. So as repugnant as it may seem now, be open to the idea of holding your nose and voting for John McCain. He's looking better and better the more he campaigns. Praise Him!

In Praise of Carbon Belch Day

2008-06-03T11:13:00.000-07:00

It's the next holiday The Left will declare war on. Read about it over at American Street. Praise Him!

Sister Nancy Beth's week that wasn't + HANDJOBs across America

2008-06-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

My blogger's block has been particularly fierce lately -- I blame fluoridation -- manifesting itself in the form of having nothing to say but with no desire to say it, a distinction that separates me from about 99% of my conservative blogging peers. In the meantime, while I've been out of commission, a week's worth of events have gone by unmarked, a situation in immediate need of rectifying.

Over at Michelle Malkin's blog, I see that Billy Joel has taken a break from his busy schedule of wrecking small cars and dating barely pubescent girls long enough to enrage one of her co-bloggers, a feat that, upon reflection, probably isn't that hard. Since Billy seems to be making the rounds in conservative blogosphere (and let's face it, I couldn't afford a Toto reunion on my dismal Blogads revenue), let's have him summarize this past week or so of Memeorandum highpoints and bring us back up to speed. Take it away, Billy:

Obama's got another Wright, except this time the guy is white,
Clinton's staying in the game in case they lynch Barack Hussein,
Scott McClellan Judas-kissed our president, now Dole is pissed,
I'm afraid of Rachael's scarf, that Starbucks harlot makes me barf.

We didn't sta-

Thank you, Billy, that will be all. The check is in the mail.

Before I went off track with this blogging business, I was honoring those Honest Americans Neutralizing the Deceptions that the Jihadist Obama Broadcasts, or HANDJOBs for short. As any red-blooded American can tell you, the only thing keeping Barack Hussein Obama from achieving electoral victory and establishing the Islezbofascist caliphate are the numerous HANDJOBs you find across the conservative blogosphere. Perhaps the most startling revelation about his diabolical plans comes from my Prayer Warriors CNSNews, who reveal that Obama wants people to have interracial gay sex in church:

In an Apr. 10 interview with The Advocate magazine, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) said "homophobic" messages are coming from the pulpits of black churches because "most African-American churches are still fairly traditional in their interpretations of Scripture." In the same interview, Obama praised the controversial Rev. Jeremiah Wright, his former pastor and long-time spiritual adviser, for being on the right side of the homosexual debate. ...

"I mean, ironically, my biggest ... the biggest political news surrounding me over the last three weeks has been Reverend Wright, who offended a whole huge constituency with some of his statements but has been very good on gay and lesbian issues," Obama said. "I mean he's one of the leaders in the African-American community of embracing, speaking out against homophobia, and talking about the importance of AIDS."

I for one find it very telling that Obama's "spiritual" mentor hates America, loathes white people, yet loves homos. If I'm reading those signs correctly, that aligns him politically with the black homosexual supremacy movement. It does explain those tribal prints that make Rev. Wright look like Miriam Makeba, but it also invites a further, and more terrifying, question: Will President Obama mandate salt & pepper love between Americans of the same gender? Or will he sell us white people to Africa to serve as their homosexual sex slaves? MSM is so clearly in the pocket of the Obama campaign that they're going to pretend this issue doesn't exist, so it's up to us conservative bloggers to get the word out.

As a special treat to those of you sticking with me through this rough patch, I offer you this moment of Moral clarity from Varla Jean Merman: "Lesbians are sick. God says all gay people are, or why would he make anal so painful and smelly?" Praise Him!

Girls Will Be Girls: Girl Stalk from GWBG on Vimeo.

Meanwhile...

2008-05-25T15:08:00.000-07:00

Your beloved Sister Nancy Beth has had an Epiphany of sorts lately, readers: Blogging kind of sucks, which explains the lack of posts in these parts. Also, one of the clients at the Beauty Palace turned me on to a home permanent survivors group, and that's kept me occupied the past few weekends. It's ok, nothing a hearty dollop of Christianity wouldn't fix, and I've made it a point to tell them as much a few times. Unfortunately, the secretary is so into the power trip of running her little meeting that she's completely closed off to hearing The Word: "Nancy Beth, that's an outside issue," "Nancy Beth, please keep the focus on our program," "Nancy Beth, we have no religious affiliation here." Fucking bitch. No wonder The Lord cursed her with that tragic hairdo.

Also, after a long sabbatical, I've finally sprung for a full-scale graphics application on my new(ish) computer. Because the cosmetology department, like every other bureacracy in this state, is run by radical homosexual activists who wouldn't issue a Christian so much as a dog license, I've had to resort to Photoshop (actually, PaintShop Pro) to keep up my hairdressing chops. Here's my tribute to Our Nation's future First Lady:

That's about it from me. I'm looking over candidates for this week's HANDJOB award, so stay tuned. Praise Him!

Maine event

2008-05-21T22:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry, moonbats, but not even your tampon-based terrorism can keep me from blogging about the latest shenanigans of Maine's radical homosexual activists. Read about it over at American Street. Praise Him!

The four bridesmaids of the Apocalypse

2008-05-16T12:47:00.000-07:00

While I've found denial to be an effective strategy for dealing with most of the challenges Our Nation faces ("global" "warming," the Israeli-Palestinian "conflict," the Iraq "war," "etc."), there is one area where it has actually been counterproductive: "gay" "marriage." The Belief that America's judges would consider anal sex as revolting as the majority of the citizens they allegedly serve do and ship the whole lot of those perverts off to some desert island like Massachusetts seems to have been, in hindsight, a bit foolhardy, and we are now paying the price for our naivete (like that word? It was in a crossword puzzle this week). While we slept, Americans found one of their most cherished Freedoms, the Freedom to deny radical homosexual activists the right to marry, stolen from us by those terrorists in black, and the results promise to be utterly catastrophic:

Christian attorney Steve Crampton says the California Supreme Court abandoned the rule of law and common sense with its decision today that re-defined marriage. ...
"This opinion, in many respects, is like a legal tsunami -- and it's not going to stop at the borders of the state of California," warns Crampton. "It's going to affect the rest of us whether we want it to or not ... and we better be ready and we better be ready for a fight."

Tsunamis, as we well now, are what God unleashes upon a sinful people who have displeased Him for being wicked, or Buddhist. And while California's sins are grave and many, I find it hard to believe that there are that many Buddhists in this state to warrant this kind of punishment. Fortunately, as in Myanmar, an army has already mobilized to keep this destructive force out of its boundaries and guard its precious sovereignty:

Pro-family forces in the state have been preparing for the decision. More than one million signatures have been collected for a ballot initiative that would place a state constitutional marriage amendment on the November ballot. Crampton says Liberty Counsel will file a motion in the next few days in an effort to have today's ruling put on hold until after November.

I can only Pray their plan will come to fruition, and soon. This morning, as I took my seat at the reception desk, I had the misfortune of hearing the tail-end of the male hairdressers' conversation. "Julio will make me an honest woman yet," said my archnemesis Chris, before he and the other hens erupted into peals of girlish laughter. It is simply unconscionable that level of cruelty can be inflicted on America's Christians. With any luck, it will be directed where truly it belongs, back on the homos. Praise Him!

Sister Nancy Beth has a dream

2008-05-13T21:37:00.000-07:00

Read about it over at American Street. Praise Him!

Deep red belles

2008-05-11T07:25:00.001-07:00

When the dust finally settles on the 2008 presidential election, we'll look back upon it as the time when a ruthless, power-hungry bitch exploited every political asset her popular husband had in her craven quest for the White House, and permanently fractured her party in the process. I am speaking, of course, about Michelle Obama:

Michelle Vetoes Hillary
By Robert Novak

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Close-in supporters of Sen. Barack Obama's presidential campaign are convinced he never will offer the vice presidential nomination to Sen. Hillary Clinton for one overriding reason: Michelle Obama.

The Democratic front-runner's wife did not comment on other rival candidates for the party's nomination, but she has been sniping at Clinton since last summer. According to Obama sources, those public utterances do not reveal the extent of her hostility.

I'm getting the strongest sense of deja-vu. What is it with the Dems and their power-tripping wives? For the past 40+ years, they've been giving us nothing but rabid hyenas, rather than the sort of First Lady America would like to have a Xanax with. Talk about out of touch!

when I initiated my recognition of the finest HANDJOBs (Honest Americans Neutralizing the Deceptions that the Jihadist Obama Broadcasts) in the right blogosphere last week, it never crossed my mind that the Obama in question would be Michelle. However, diligent research on reliable websites has shown her to be a nasty piece of work who'd be more at home in some tyrannical country like France or Cuba than in a Freedom-loving democracy such as ours. Robert Novak's ace reportage only adds to that picture, so Mr. Novak, thank you for a HANDJOB well done. Praise Him!

Myanmar shadow

2008-05-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

Like many conservatives, I'm troubled by the increasing pull of foreign governments on Our Nation's sovereignty. The assertion that it's legal in Europe -- lots of filthy things usually are --bolsters many of The Left's arguments in the legal and policy spheres, and the results have been nearly apocalyptic: Men are now staying home and practically breastfeeding their newborns, thanks to "progressive" family & medical leave laws popular in countries like Sweden and other places where pornography is a major part of their GDP. So you can imagine my delight to see what one country has the stones to say "No!" to all this castrating interference by "concerned" outsiders:

The military government in Burma (Myanmar) is receiving an outpouring of emergency aid offers from the international community, as the death toll from Saturday's cyclone continues to soar. While some foreign aid workers were told they could enter the country to assess needs and distribute supplies, as of Tuesday – three days after the disaster hit – they were still awaiting visas. The delay raises questions as to how willing the hermit regime is to facilitate relief in the crucial, early stages of this humanitarian emergency.

Kudos to the rulers of Myanmar for standing up to those nanny-state relief workers. This is the sort of uncompromising leadership America needs! Rather than mollycoddling their citizens and creating a victim mentality, countries need to tell their people, in the immortal words of Prayer Warrior Michelle Malkin, to "Suck. It. Up." Once these aid workers get a foothold, it's only a matter of time before they began imposing their liberal fascist programs like electricity and sanitation on the country. America could learn a thing or two about how to handle a natural disaster from these people. I only wish that our own country could take such a character-building stance during a "natural" "disaster." Praise Him!

UPDATE: We did!

Ferry tales

2008-05-07T06:30:00.000-07:00

Please enjoy my latest contribution over at American Street, or, if you prefer, over at Air America(!). Praise Him!

A HANDJOB well done

2008-05-03T18:24:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling with blogging lately, which leads me to think that I might need to initiate some sort of regularly appearing feature to take the guesswork out of what I'm posting about. As it is, I depend on my Prayer Warriors to Inspire me with their tales of victimhood by The Left. While I've gotten plenty of mileage out of secondhand (and firsthand!) Persecution, I'm afraid I may be getting jaded about how hard our lot in life as America's Christians truly is and really haven't been moved enough to write about it... which is probably just what those liberal traitors want. But fret not, Christians, because there's no way those moonbats are going to shut me down.

One thing that has invigorated me is the gusto with which my Prayer Warriors are going after Barack Hussein Obama. It's positively infectious, and fortunately not in that horrible liberal way that requires you to go to the free clinic for a shot afterwards. So it is with great fanfare that I am pleased to unveil my newest blogging initiative, Honest Americans Neutralizing the Deceptions that the Jihadist Obama Broadcasts, or HANDJOB for short, to recognize the excellent work conservatives are doing to keep Our Nation from following this pied piper into a state of Islezbofascist tyranny.

The best HANDJOB given to the conservative blogosphere this week comes from WorldNetDaily, who introduces us to yet another red who inculcated young Barack Hussein into the ways of World Communism, through the black art of poetry:

The man who heavily influenced U.S. Sen. Barack Obama during his growing years wrote poetry praising the aggression of communism, criticizing "Sweet Jesus" and mocking the traditional hymn "Onward Christian Soldiers," according to an advocate for media accuracy.

WND reported earlier when Cliff Kincaid wrote at Accuracy in Media about the link between Frank Marshall Davis, a member of the old Moscow-controlled Communist Party USA, and Obama, who cited a mysterious "Frank" in his book. ...

Kincaid, in a statement on his USA Survival organization website, said a full report will be released May 22 on how communist and socialist forces have influenced Obama.

"Herbert Romerstein, a former investigator for the House Committee on Un-American Activities, will present a detailed report on Obama's years in Hawaii, when he came into contact with and under the influence of a member of the Communist Party, Frank Marshall Davis," Kincaid said.

I was able to locate some of Comrade Davis' "poetry" on the internets, and I am appalled at its outward hostility to Freedom. First of all, it doesn't even rhyme, and secondly, not a single one of the three poems I glanced at begins with "There once was a man from [Red State locale]." This blatant disregard for America's great literary traditions reminds of another America-hater who made his living spewing vile words of calumny against Our Nation, Robert Frost. Frost's work embodies the most egregious excesses of the radical environmental movement, often lauding the hostile forces of nature over the benevolent forces of patriotism, and naturally The Left reveres him for it, even going so far as to have him let loose with one of his filthy rants at a presidential inauguration. I shudder at what we can expect on Obama's inauguration day.

Being a conservative blogger requires me to wear many hats -- military strategist, campaign consultant, forensics expert, economist, and now literary scholar. While there are times when I find all this work to be wearying, the satisfaction I get from knowing that I am helping restore America to her former greatness by calling Democrats traitors and fags makes it all worthwhile. Praise Him!

Embalming Freedom's corpse

2008-04-29T21:50:00.001-07:00

Go visit me over at American Street, where I expose The Left's treacherous plot to strip you of your constitutional right to Freedom's most precious preservative, formaldehyde. Praise Him!

I put a spell on you

2008-04-27T17:14:00.001-07:00

The 2008 election presents Our Nation with one very important question: Who hates America more -- Barack Hussein Obama, or his radical associates? Already we've made the unfortunate acquaintanceship of one "Reverend" Jeremiah Wright, whose idea of an American utopia would be a tribal headhunter society, and William "Bill" Ayers, the one man who's come closest to killing off American Capitalism since Franklin "Delano" Roosevelt. Just when you thought this drum circle of homos, hippies, and negroes couldn't get any larger, Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily have unearthed the latest radical out to destroy God and Country hiding in the Obama camp:

In the same week the Obama campaign quietly removed from its official website a page managed by a fundraiser tied to the Islamic terrorist group Hamas, its official blogger has come under attack as a "hardcore Marxist" for hanging a Communist Party flag in his Harvard campus apartment and publishing in a self-professed 'revolutionary Marxist' journal.

Sam Graham-Felsen, a journalist-on-leave from The Nation, joined Obama for America in March 2007 where he works for the New Media department as the official blogger, daily presenting the campaign's public face. Now he's under fire for his reputed Marxist sympathies from bloggers at Common Ills on the left and Little Green Footballs on the right.

Graham-Felsen, according to a 2003 article in the Harvard Crimson, adorned one corner of his shared student apartment with "a Communist Party flag ... bought on their trip to Russia the summer after sophomore year."

This is a tremendously alarming development. Ronald Reagan, as we all know, drove a silver stake through the heart of the Evil Empire back in 1989, which means someone must have somehow reanimated it: Has Barack Hussein Obama brought World Communist back from the dead, possibly through some sort of negroid voodoo spell? He is, after all, black; furthermore, his past religious associations point towards some sort of Marxist Afro-Islamic occult practice. I only wish there were another debate on the horizon, so that a conscientious member of our media could ask him what other failed ideologies he will be bringing back from the dead by killing chickens. Praise Him!

fully vetted

2008-04-21T02:55:00.001-07:00

I'm off to an undisclosed location for the next three days and blogging will be scarce (but you're used to that by now, right?). In the meantime, enjoy my latest over at American Street. Praise Him!

God Damn America

2008-04-17T16:27:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd have to ask this, but do do you think the Pope hates America as much as Reverend Wright? Normally I think of His Holiness as a military adviser (like the kind we send to Latin America) in Our Nation's Moral crusade to stick it to the ragheads and dick-suckers. However, it's abundantly clear that The Left has plied him with enough arugula and orange juice to seduce him into their elitist ranks of blaming America first [emphasis mine]:

Pope Benedict XVI presided over a Mass celebrated in 10 languages Thursday, calling the United States a land of opportunity and hope but decrying that the nation's promise has been left unfulfilled for some. ...

His homily was more somber. Benedict examined American society, saying he detected anger and alienation, increasing violence and a "growing forgetfulness of God."

Go ahead and say it, you effete liberal snob: We're bitter! Why not offer us some "hope" as a remedy?

"Americans have always been a people of hope," he said. "Your ancestors came to this country with the experience of finding new freedom and opportunity.

I knew it was coming, but I can't believe he left out "change." After all, what's hope without change? It's like God without Country, but I doubt this commie simp would understand that. I hope the paramedics were standing by in case he hoperdosed.

"To be sure, this promise was not experienced by all the inhabitants of this land; one thinks of the injustices endured by the native American peoples and by those brought here forcibly from Africa as slaves."

It was not the first time on the trip that the pontiff has delicately critiqued his host nation.

Speaking to his American bishops Wednesday, he said the U.S. must be welcoming to immigrants, helping them to flourish in their new homes.

Hey, asshole, in case you hadn't heard, "Reverend" Wright's replacement has already been selected, so you can cut the audition short. And when did Al Sharpton start writing speeches for the Vatican? Did you end this screed by clenching your fist above your head and shouting, "Up against the wall, mother fuckers?"

I find that the leader of my own church would to stoop to such blatant partisanship appalling and distasteful. I only hope that he will be denied Communion until he brings his views of America back in line with Christian doctrine. Praise Him!

Flogging the log

2008-04-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

The Log Cabin Republicans, that is, over at American Street. Praise Him!