Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Not so sweet Caroline

Sorry for the gap in blogging on this end, Christians. The Left gave me anthrax -- again -- and it was only through the power of Prayer and the finest over-the-counter cold medicines Western medicine has to offer that I was able to claw my way back from the brink of certain death and stand before my would-be assassins: J'accuse, moonbats! It's time you once again feel the sting of my wrath, made ever so much keener by my maximum dosage of Dayquil.

If there's anything more ridiculous than the political endorsements of liberal Hollywood celebrities, it's the endorsements of their pampered offspring. Somewhere between their stints in rehab and bearing the illegitimate children of the bandmembers of Good Charlotte, they want you to know that they've given serious thought to which of the traitors on the Democratic slate will best pervert Our Nation's Values. One prominent celebuspawn has given her thumbs-up to the celebrated Muslim terrorist Barack Hussein Obama:
The daughter of President John F. Kennedy endorsed Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, saying he could inspire Americans in the same way her father once did.

"I have never had a president who inspired me the way people tell me that my father inspired them," Caroline Kennedy wrote in an op-ed posted Saturday on the Web site of The New York Times. "But for the first time, I believe I have found the man who could be that president — not just for me, but for a new generation of Americans."
How are we supposed to take this seriously? The Kennedys are a notoriously hard-partying family who've shacked up with every "thespian" with a decent set of cans who's made her way to Hollywood for the past 50 years, and National Virtue has been paying the price for their drunken misbehavior ever since. Quite frankly, I wish "Ms" Kennedy would stick with the usual antics of the heiress set, like wrecking their Bentleys and flashing their coochies at the paparazzi in front of Hyde. Besides, I thought Al Gore had locked up the support of the drunken starlet crowd. Until young Hollywood is ready to repent for their sins and endorse Republicans (other than Rudy Giuliani & John McCain), their words will remain so much hollow, self-serving claptrap. Praise Him!

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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Over at American Street today...

... so share in the magic right here. Praise Him!


Monday, January 21, 2008

Honoring Dr. King the conservative way

America's first black president.

The Martin Luther King holiday presents us with the opportunity to reflect upon one Universal Truth in America's struggle for racial equality: That black people would be far better off if they voted Republican. If liberals hadn't enacted hiring quotas, George Bush wouldn't have had to nominate Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Court, and a generation of young Americans would have been spared the horror of Orrin Hatch talking about carbonated beverages garnished with pubic hair . Anita Hill's tasteless peepshow gave us weeks of hearing about what kind of porno she likes to rent (I myself have to avert my eyes every time I pass a certain fast food restaurant), which quickly led to gangster rap, and, shortly thereafter, a crack cocaine epidemic brought about by Bill Clinton's despotic penis.

I for one thought the Black community would wise up and mobilize behind a Republican candidate (today's fun fact: Mitt Romney learned to speak fluent Jive before leaving the country for missionary work in Massachusetts!), but Prayer Warrior Michelle Malkin shows how once again liberals are trying to undo the impressive strides Negroes have made under Republican administrations:
In Birmingham, Alabama, today’s official Martin Luther King, Jr., holiday will be about…open borders (hat tip - reader Stephen):
The keynote speaker for the Martin Luther King Unity Breakfast on Monday is a Kansas native and the daughter of Mexican immigrants.

Organizers said they chose Janet Murguia, the president and chief executive officer of the National Council of La Raza, because of her message of unity and her opposition to a resurgence of hate speech in the immigration debate. ...

Murguia said she intends to speak about common challenges and opportunities for blacks and Hispanics.

“We recognize that the immigration system is broken and it requires a serious debate,” she said, “but there’s no room in that debate for hate, and we’re sensing a wave of hate right now that’s not only directed at immigrants, but the Hispanic community.”
I share Michelle's alarm at the prospect of cooperation between these two disgruntled liberal constituencies. Black people are notoriously tall, and if they were to start boosting illegal immigrants up over the Great Wall of Tom Tancredo, sidewalks of our border states would soon turn into a virtual autobahn upon which illegal immigrants mow over our children with their unlicensed pushcarts. It'll be like Death Race 2000, only dubbed into Spanish by the UC Santa Cruz chapter of MEChA. The Africanish-American community would do well to keep that in mind, and to recognize these offers for cross-racial dialogue about immigration policy as the murderous ploys they really are. Praise Him!

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The tipping point

Despite their assertions to the contrary, radical homosexual activists are actively conspiring to impose their pervereted agenda of floral arranging and interior decorating on a gullible populace. Recent news stories indicate that they may be closer to that goal that any of us would like to admit. Take a gander at the following and tell me if gay sharia isn't around the corner:

† Pink China. Evidently compulsory abortions haven't been effective enough in controlling the population of the heathen Chinee, so now they're trying a new tact -- recruiting people into the homosexual lifestyle:
China's flagship English publication, which is completely government-run, has published an article containing three sympathetic accounts of Chinese homosexuals, and featuring a full-page photo of two men kissing each other. ...

The Chinese government's changing attitude towards homosexuals may in part be a result of the country's infamous population control measures, which often involve forced abortions and even post-birth infanticides. The government continues to take active measures against those families that have more than one or two children (see recent LifeSiteNews coverage at http://www.lifesite.net/ldn/2007/may/07052803.html). Homosexuals who are comfortable with their sexual preference are much less likely to procreate than heterosexuals.
There's no official word on the incentives the government is offering to induce public participation, but my sources tell me they include a lot of Mazda Miatas and tickets to Xanadu.

† Brokeback Emergency Room. First Chairman Hillary forces you to sign up at gunpoint for socialized medicine or be sent off to to one of her gulags, and then she dons the latex gloves and starts fingering your hershey-hole:
A construction worker claimed in a lawsuit that when he went to a hospital after being hit on the forehead by a falling wooden beam, emergency room staffers forcibly gave him a rectal examination.

Brian Persaud, 38, says in court papers that after he denied a request by NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital emergency room employees to examine his rectum, he was "assaulted, battered and falsely imprisoned."
Hmm.. this happened in New York, where a certain power-hungry witch happens to be a Senator? What a coincidence! This woman will stop an nothing to castrate the menfolk of Our Nation. Expect plenty more of those wanton digits when HillaryCare becomes the law of the land.

† Hell's Kitchen. One of the ways contemporary homosexuals steel themselves for all-night meth & PotteryBarn.com binges is their curious diet of brioche, Calimyrna figs, and bottled water. Guess what they're serving Congress:
Democrats promised big changes when they took power on Capitol Hill in 2006, and they delivered — when it comes to making over the cafeteria.

Since taking her post, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has pursued what she calls "greening the Capitol" through a smoking ban and the introduction of gourmet foods in the lunchroom.

But the health kick has elicited grumblings from colleagues in Congress. Gone are the days of meatloaf and Jell-O, replaced by mahi mahi, brie and baguettes.
No wonder Larry Craig got caught trolling for juicy wang in an airport potty. Fare like this would widen anybody's stance. But did drive-by media look into this angle? Of course not. It was far safer to go with stale cliches about "closeted" Republicans than risk the wrath of Ayatollah Pelosi or her Revolutionary Guard.

As you can see, the homosexual menace is growing and is far graver than many of you thought This makes it essential that Mike Huckabee be elected president, so he can return these perverts back to Christ. Praise Him!

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Street Life

Experience it over at American Street, where I've just posted my weekly contribution. Praise Him!


Monday, January 14, 2008

Sister Nancy Beth takes a link-dump

If she hadn't been so busy whoring around, she could have made it onto the Ark.

Conchita's in full Torquemada mode (and not in a good way), so I'm hoping to grind out a quick post to inflame your sense of Outrage. Read and fume, Christians, read and fume:

† Lizards behaving badly - I've always assumed The Left's fondness for dinosaurs was a marriage of convenience that allowed them to lie about the earth's real age while advancing the "theory" of evolution. It turns out that dinosaurs also allow them to promote teen promiscuity:
Adolescent pregnancy isn't a modern invention, it occurred in dinosaurs millions of years ago. Medullary bone, a type of tissue present in modern birds when they are developing eggs, has been found in three dinosaur fossils, researchers report in Monday's online edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

The dinosaurs were aged 8, 10 and 18, indicating they reached sexual maturity earlier than previously thought.
If only they had received Values-based sex education, these dinosaurs could have waited until they were married.

† Obama's religion will destroy Our Nation, take 2 - When not praying five times a day for Allah to smite the United States, Barack Obama attends a "church" filled with angry negroes who pray for a black Jesus to smite the United States. Unsurprisingly, MSM doesn't dare breath a word about it:
A conservative watchdog group is criticizing the media for questioning GOP presidential candidates Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney about their religious beliefs while asking no questions about the controversial teachings of the church of which Democrat Barack Obama is a member. ...

But there has been almost no media coverage of Senator Barack Obama's membership in Chicago's Trinity United Church of Christ, which calls itself "a congregation that is Unashamedly Black" and identifies its membership as "an African people [who] remain true to our native land."
Unashamedly black sounds suspiciously close to unapologetically gay, and we know where that leads. Hopefully citizen journalists will pick up liberal media's slack and start a chain letter or something.

† Of Lice and Men - One of The Left's most effective methods of undermining the Biblical authority of cosmetology is opening beauty parlors that pander to the special needs of key Democrat voting groups. First there were ethnic hair salons, then came salons for aspiring homosexuals, and now those dirty smelly hippies are getting their moment in the styling chair:
In Chicago's tony Lincoln Park neighborhood, a new upscale salon has set up shop alongside the rows of uber-chic restaurants, cafes and boutiques. But at Hair Fairies, they don't cut hair. Instead of removing split ends and flyaways, they remove something much more unsightly.

Head lice. ...

Though head lice have been around seemingly forever and pose no serious medical threat, the number of delousing salons and in-home services has multiplied in recent years. Many have colorful names such as the Texas Lice Squad and LouseCalls.
I'm assuming the majority of their clientele are liberal bloggers, so I'm surprised I haven't heard more about this trend over at DailyKos. Praise Him!

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Thursday, January 10, 2008

Liberal fascism in action

The revised edition includes a chapter of low-cal recipes and helpful hints on how to cut your energy bill in half.

As Prayer Warrior Jonah Goldberg has amply demonstrated, the establishment of the Islezbofascsist caliphate will come wrapped in 100% organic cotton and eating a vegan kelp burrito. Liberals have added the dangerous mantra "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" to their usual chants of "2-4-6-8, penis tastes really great" and "Hey-hey, Ho-ho, Christian Values have got to go" in their attempts to win over the hearts and minds of gullible Americans, and Swarthmore-educated public school teachers instruct our children in the "virtues" of environmental "stewardship," while important lessons about stoning whores and homosexuals remain shamefully untaught. Environmentalism is the hand-maiden of totalitarianism (or maybe vice-versa), and any crushingly authoritarian regime is destined to have impeccable Green credentials. Proving this point is China, which is banishing that great libtard bête noire, the plastic bag:
Declaring war on the "white pollution" choking its cities, farms and waterways, China is banning free plastic shopping bags and calling for a return to the cloth bags of old - steps largely welcomed by merchants and shoppers yesterday.

The measure eliminates the flimsiest bags and forces stores to charge for others, making China the latest nation to target plastic bags in a bid to cut waste and conserve resources.

Beijing residents appeared to take the ban in stride, reflecting rising environmental consciousness and concern over skyrocketing oil prices.

"If we can reduce waste and save resources, then it's good both for us and the whole world," said 21-year-old college student Xu Lixian, who was buying tangerines out of cardboard boxes at a sidewalk stall.
Already in Our Nation, the usual suspects have begun their assault on plastic bags in an attempt to regulate Freedom's mighty totes out of existence. As we could expect, they fail to recognize that when plastic bags are criminalized, only criminals will have plastic bags, which will lead to a crime wave of deaths by suffocation and other sack-related offenses. Only a citizenry armed with a steady supply of cheap and plentiful plastic bags will keep America from descending into the state of lawlessness that will inevitably follow such a ban... but maybe that's just part of their plan. Maybe they want us to be defenseless for the coup (also known as Chairman Hillary's inauguration) they plan on staging.

Just as the American ideal of Freedom is immortal, so too does the plastic bag strive to be equally enduring, vigilantly defending Our Nation for 500 to 1000 years before heading off to its polyethylene Valhalla. It is important for us to recognize banning plastic bags as the eco-terrorism it truly is, and that a free and prosperous country depends on them for its very survival. Praise Him!

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Tuesday, January 08, 2008

100% original delicious content for today...

... is over at American Street. Go over and take a look around, and tell 'em Nancy Beth sent you. Praise Him!


Monday, January 07, 2008

Sister Nancy Beth: American Streetwalker

WEST HOLLYWOOD, California, Jan. 8 /BS Newswire-LastCall/ -- Sister Nancy Beth Eczema World Ministries Inc., the Cayman Islands shell corporation formed by renowned conservative blogger and frequent victim of Christian Persecution, Sister Nancy Beth Eczema, has announced that it has entered into an agreement with noted liberal group blog American Street. She will be posting there every Tuesday during 2008.

"I am excited at the prospect of bringing a Compassionate Conservative message to a group of people who would rather be aborting their unborn children or having premarital sex. I am sure once I point out the many errors of their ways, they will renounce their sinful lifestyles and become Republicans. Praise Him!" Sister Nancy Beth said.

She is one of the many bloggers who have been recruited to join American Street for 2008, a feat engineered by AS proprietor Kevin Hayden. "[Note to self: make up some bullshit quote about how awesome I am]," Hayden stated.

Sister Nancy Beth Eczema World Ministries Inc., a 9/11(c)(E)* corporation, was founded in 2005 as a way to kill time during the workweek. Its primary areas of focus are the Persecution of America's Christians by The Left, and Sister Nancy Beth's cat and CD collection. Thanks to the assiduous copying of its content by spambloggers, it now enjoys more than 42,000 hits when Googled, a number that is sure to grow in the years to come. Praise Him!

*changed Everything

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Someone's in the kitchen with Nancy Beth

A pet grievance of feminism has long been that men don't contribute equally to doing housework. "Study" after "study" has been released confirming this, but seemingly of no interest to the liberal pointy-heads grinding out this agenda-driven "research" is the testicle-dissolving properties* this sort of menial labor has on the contemporary American male. Rather than encouraging them to be the rightful heads of the traditional family Our Father intended, America's menfolk are instead exhorted to cook, do laundry, and practically get sex-changes to appease those nagging feminists. And when men finally bow to the radical feminist agenda and get busy in the kitchen, the results are predictably horrifying:
A man killed his girlfriend, then filleted and cooked parts of her body before calling police to tell them what he was doing, authorities said Sunday.

Christopher Lee McCuin, 25, called 911 on Saturday and told an emergency dispatcher he had killed Jana Shearer, 21, and was boiling her body parts at his mother's home, said Smith County Sheriff J.B. Smith.

When authorities arrived at the home, they found Shearer's mutilated body, one ear boiling in a pot of water on the stove and a fork sticking out of some human flesh sitting on a plate on the kitchen table.
Defenders of Mr. McCuin's actions will conveniently try to change the subject by questioning his "mental" health, but that's just a convenient smokescreen to avoid answering hard questions that are at the root of this tragedy: Was he forced to cook and clean up after himself regularly? Did he take home ec in high school? And perhaps most importantly, was he a regular viewer of co-educational cooking shows like Top Chef or Hell's Kitchen? Given the popularity of these shows and the prevalence of feminist dogma, every dinner party risks turning into a Donner Party. Christians, help keep America free of tragedies like this in the future by putting a president who respects the God-given roles of man and woman in the White House. Praise Him!

*Many thanks go to loyal Nancy-Con LuluMaude who first alerted me to this phenomenon.

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Friday, January 04, 2008


From the Department of Accordance With Prophesy, Pat Robertson predicts that the Heathen Chinee will finally have their come-to-Jesus moment:
"What I'm praying about is China. I'm asking for 250 million in China. We haven't had that breakthrough yet but I think we're going to get it. God's going to give us China. And China will be the largest Christian nation on the face of the earth. They're going to come to Jesus."
Compare this with the equally inspired Word of God, Red Dawn:
Jed Eckert: ...Well, who *is* on our side?
Col. Andy Tanner: Six hundred million screaming Chinamen.
Darryl Bates: Last I heard, there were a billion screaming Chinamen.
Col. Andy Tanner: There *were*.
Glory! If Brother Pat predicts the armed invasion of America by a bunch of grubby Mezken commies, I'm petitioning the Pope for the beatification of Patrick Swayze. Praise Him!

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Post traumatic stress cat blogging

I'm still trying to wrap my head around why the Democrats of Iowa hate America so much they'd select a madrassa-trained terrorist to be their presidential candidate. Personally, I suspect it's the usual cocktail of vote suppression and election rigging that Democrats love mixing up, but who's to say there wasn't an influx of of those terrorist-sympathizing illegal immigrants I'm always reading about on World Net Daily? It's all very confusing -- as we say on the Internets, "developing..." -- so, as a sort of head-cleaner for my brain, I'm going to post pictures of my cat:

"Feed me!" he's saying here, and he is quite the taskmaster. It's not as if I've kept track, but I could probably count the number of mornings he's let me sleep later than 7 a.m. over the past 16 years on two hands. As a happy postscript, the biopsy for the cyst that was removed from his paw two weeks ago came back negative, so hopefully I can look forward to many more years catering to his whims long before the break of day. Praise Him!


Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Golden years... for harlotry

Who needs Social Security...

Conservatives have been lamenting the pornification of culture ever since Bill Clinton blew his load of presidential DNA all over Monica Lewinsky's dress. At the time, feminists were more than willing accomplists to this debasement of Our Nation's Virtue, and time has only added to their depravity. Rather than instructing our young ladies in the fine art of keeping their legs firmly clenched until marriage, they promote the most deviant and reckless sexual activities known to humanity, like masturbation and "oral" sex... as if talking about it is any less dirty. Thanks to their efforts, public schools have been minting fresh crops of pre-teen jezebels, all of whom are instructed in the feminist technique of getting pregnant as soon as they can so they can make some poor man's life hell and never have to put out or work again.

Evidently setting schools of nine-year old barracudas on the Christian menfolk of America isn't enough for the Clintons and their mirthless band of Amazons, so they've enlisted the help of the "scientific" community to create an army of geriatric roboskanks who are coming to sexx you up:
A drug that could do for women what Viagra has done for men is being tested at the University of Virginia.

The drug is a testosterone-laden ointment called LibiGel and it's intended to boost the libido of women who have lost interest in sex. ...

The condition is believed to affect one-third of American women.

"It is the most common sexual problem that women have," said Dr. Anita Clayton, a psychiatrist with the UVa Health System and author of the 2007 book "Satisfaction: Women, Sex and the Quest for Intimacy." ...

If given the green light by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, Illinois-based BioSante Pharmaceuticals Inc. hopes to offer the drug to any woman complaining of a low sex drive.
The belief that women want -- or even enjoy -- sex is one of the most dangerous ideas to come out of the counterculture of the 1960's, and thanks to the help of "science," this lie continues to propagate. I also find it deeply troubling that the same radical subculture that advocates the legalization of "tuning in, turning on, and dropping out" is promoting yet another drug for their patchouli-scented minions to abuse -- turning on, indeed. LibiGel? I think that should be LiberalGel.

I shudder to think of the ravages that this drug will have on the American public once gangs start dealing it on city streets. Will some pusher get Liddy Dole hooked on it and force her to do thirty-second promotional spots where she waxes poetic about getting her freak on, all in order to support her growing habit? Will Bratz come out with a line of dolls for seniors whose accessories include walkers and vibrators? This is a nightmarish vision of the future, and the only way to provide a Moral bulwark against this unbridled carnality is to keep drugs for sexual dysfunction out of the hands of women and in the hands of men, where they belong. Praise Him!

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