Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The sun is rising in the West!

Freedom Lovers, take heart: Prayer Warriors Newsmax have a story highlighting the timeless appeal of never-ending war:
Applications to West Point are edging up after a multiyear, wartime dip, the academy's superintendent said. ...

As of this month, the academy received 7,870 applicants for the class that will report in June 2007 - a 14 percent increase from the same time last year. Applications at West Point had dipped for several years following a spike generally attributed to post-Sept. 11 patriotism. The decreases, mirrored at other service academies, also played out amid mounting death tolls in Iraq and Afghanistan.

West Point's application deadline is still six months away, but officials said the numbers so far exceed those posted before the Sept. 11 attacks. They did not know why there was an uptick, but they did note they were more aggressive in seeking candidates last year.
Where the "reality-based community" sees a decaying job prospects, true Patriots see Victory!!!

But that's not the only surprise:
Hagenbeck said he was particularly pleased that the number of female applicants also was up this year.

While West Point has avoided the sort of highly publicized sex scandals that have roiled some other service academies, a Pentagon task force reported last year that hostile attitudes and inappropriate treatment of women persist at West Point and the Naval Academy. The task force said more women should be admitted as cadets and midshipmen.

"We are on track here," Hagenbeck said. "We will get a qualified pool of women from which to choose."
Got that, feminists? Girls are lining up to be demeaned on account of their gender, and if they happen to get molested by their male classmates, that's just icing on the cake. In your face, "ladies."

Newsmax has done us a vital service by bringing this story to Our Nation's attention, as it helps rebut The Left's droning message that WWVI (isn't that what we decided to call it?) is somehow unpopular with the American public. Their refreshing absence of bias is why I read them, and true to that spirit, I would also like to point out this story, with the underlying meaning that the first step to enacting MSM's secular Islezbofascist agenda will be by grafting a curvier physique onto the torso of liberal media's mendacious Big Sister. Praise Him!

NOLA to God: "Hit us again."

My, how quickly The Left forgets. Not having learned last year that the wages of sin is death, the residents of New Orleans are once again defying Our Heavenly Father and risking His wrath by marring an otherwise tasteful and decorous Christian event with the Party Line of Death:
In New Orleans, Muslims, Buddhists, and even a secular humanist who denies the existence of God were all invited to participate in yesterday's interfaith Katrina memorial prayer service. But the crowd also heard from Rev. John Raphael of New Hope Baptist Church, who said Hurricane Katrina showed people how vulnerable they are without God's protection. "Though some would have the words removed from the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag, Katrina taught us that we are indeed still under God," he stated. Reports Associated Press, the pastor went on to say that "if we fail to learn the lessons of Katrina, we may find ourselves facing a makeup exam called Ernesto." Raphael was preceded at the podium by secular humanist leader Harry Greenberger, who said he was only allowed to speak at the service after threatening to sue the city. The two-hour service also included a Muslim prayer and a Buddhist chant.
When I think of all the taxpayers' money we've wasted trying to help rehabilitate this moral cesspool when it could have been put to much better uses (like shuttling Our President to his fundraisers), I can't help but think that God is winding up His pitching arm for another round of bean ball. Praise Him!

UPDATE: Nevermind.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Putting the dicks in Dixie

As a resident of West Hollywood, I am as acutely aware as anyone of the malignant effects homosexual immigration -- of questionable legality, let it be said -- has upon a community's Christian Morals. It seems like every year, there are more and more of these damn nancies stuffed into this city, foisting their filthy homosexual customs like focaccia upon us, and translating the national anthem into their decadent homosexual patois: Oh, Mary! Feast your eyes upon that rapturous sunrise!

I thought it would only be we coastal folk who would have to suffer the ravages of this pox upon Our Nation, but a recent piece over at Prayer Warriors Agape Press indicates that the influx of illegal homosexual immigrants into the southern states has been more extensive than you or I had previously imagined. This invasion has no doubt been made more acute by their usual tactics of having 11 kids at taxpayers' expense, all of whom live in the same one-bedroom apartment, and interfering with the delivery of Michelle Malkin's mail. It's reached the point that even black people are feeling their pinch:
With the rise of gay activists in Democratic politics, it was only a matter of time before gays below the Mason-Dixon Line attempted to flex their political muscle and challenge the prominence of the party's black leaders. And with primary election of the homosexual lobby's lesbian lieutenant -- Patricia Todd -- the Democrats' Bull Run followed. ...

The Todd story shows there is a power shift occurring in the Democratic Party. Homosexual activists are marching out of strongholds such as San Francisco, South Beach, and Provincetown, and they have their eyes set on other places, such as the Land of Cotton. It is not a coincidence that Howard Dean took great interest in this obscure Alabama race, for Patricia Todd stands to be Alabama's first lesbian representative -- and this will be seen as a major victory in cultural politics. Dean understands the new look of the party he chairs. ...

Understand this -- the homosexual lobby is on a quest to raise its rainbow flag over every state house in the Union. Blacks in the South are now learning this lesson, for their party is on the receiving end of a forcible makeover. Make no mistake, Todd was a trophy candidate; a candidate funded by the gay lobby, and her victory signals the Democratic wind is blowing in a new direction. Gays in, blacks out.

Right now, just like the tradesmen described by Aesop, black and gay Democrats are quarrelling amongst themselves. This sneeze will soon give the DNC a terrible cold. Traditionalists must recognize this rift and bring the message of traditional values to the newly dejected black southern Democrat. Traditionalists must offer blacks a new home by using the issues of marriage protection, life, and school choice. Traditionalists must show southern blacks there is an alternative to the Democratic Machine -- that it is a reason to break ranks with the likes of the NAACP.
I can't think of a more Glorious homecoming for the prodigal children of the Party of Lincoln than for them to come back to the fold harrumphing about gay rights. The Democratic Party's message of civil liberties for minorities is a good idea in theory. In reality, however, all it gets you is rising property values and a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on every corner, while the queens circle the neighborhood and blast those odious show tunes from their luxury sedans whie looking for a parking place. I hope the macacas and their dusky-hued ilk know that there is always a spot for them at the Republicans' table, provided they clear it afterwards. Praise Him!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Hark, for unto you an Outrage is born!

Boy, it feels like it just comes sooner every year, doesn't it? I am talking about, of course, The Left's Global War on Christmas:
It appears the battle against what some call the politically correct title for Christmas has already begun. A pro-family group is highlighting ad on page 69 in the Sam's Club in-house magazine, Source, that promotes "holiday" cards, ribbons and gift bags, despite all the products obviously being designed for Christmas.

Randy Sharp, special projects director for the American Family Association, says it looks like Sam's Club parent company Wal-Mart is adhering to the same "holiday" policy in the 2006 season as it followed in 2005. "Last year," he says, "Wal-Mart refused to use the word Christmas in their advertising, and they were inundated by angry customers. And already this year they're showing their true colors by again refusing to acknowledge Christmas." ...

"Last week the first Christmas ad came out, and that was for Sam's Club, owned by the Wal-Mart Stores Corporation," the AFA spokesman explains. "The ad is clearly meant to promote Christmas decorations and Christmas tree items," he says, "but Sam's Club refuses to refer to Christmas as Christmas. They simply use the generic term holiday."
Christians, this is undoubtedly the gravest threat Our Nation faces today, as it possible that millions of American citizens won't hear of this perfidy by America's retailers until mid-September, or even October. Let's show them that we're not going to be mollified by some UN peace-keeping force in the War on Christmas. Praise Him!

Freedom's fall palette

While it can never be said often enough that 9/11 is the Day that Changed Everything, today's Christian woman will forever mourn 8/10: the day we could no longer bring liquid eyeliner aboard commercial aircraft. Moonbats have spent the last five years blubbering about the loss of their precious "rights," but when my sisters can't so much as freshen their makeup on a domestic flight, I'd tell them to take their phoney-baloney grievances up with Saddam. (And, quite frankly, I'd be more than happy if the G-Men took an interest in the usual topic of my telephone conversations with friends and family: the anti-Christian persecution I must constantly endure at Conchita's Unisex Beauty Gulag. I'm sure they'd be a lot more effective than my constant entreaties to the California Labor Commissioner in this matter.)

Anyway, the last time we heard from Al Jazeera's American division, USA Today, they were happily divulging important state secrets in an effort to advance Islezbofascism. Perhaps the horrifying thought of a Nation without cosmetics finally got to them, because Jesus found this article about TSA-safe beauty aids that will have you preaching the Gospel of Glamour at 30,000 feet:
New carry-on regulations have left female fliers in a cosmetics conundrum. With common products banned, USA TODAY's Colleen Clark went in search of liquid-free alternatives, from foundation to face wash. A sampling:

La Femme Leave it: Liquid mascara

Pack it: La Femme cake mascara

Why it flies: Harking back to a more glamorous time for makeup — and travel — the '40s-style cake mascara is still a favorite of pros. Glide a moistened brush across the compact, and it'll go on just like your tube version.
I like to think of it as MSM's Act of Contrition, but they've got a long way to go. But if USA Today keeps giving us stories like this, we might be able to take them seriously again as a newspaper. Praise Him!

Friday, August 25, 2006

Electrodes & sympathy

Sister Nancy Beth hasn't been especially Outraged enough to blog lately, but some Good News I just happened across has set these holy digits a-typin'! Our Crusade to bring the nancies to Christ through shock treatment and vomit-inducing drugs (something I like to think of as "Intelligent Psychology") seems to be gaining some unexpected traction:
Ex-gay groups and organizations that counsel people with unwanted same-sex attractions say they are pleased, but puzzled, by recent remarks by the top official of the American Psychological Association.

At a town-hall meeting during the APA's convention in New Orleans, APA President Gerald P. Koocher responded to questions about the organization's pro-homosexual positions — and its lack of recognition of former homosexuals and their therapists.

Koocher's response was simple: "APA has no conflict with psychologists who help those distressed by unwanted homosexual attraction."

Hopefully this will lend some legitimacy to the ex-Black, ex-Asian, and ex-woman movements. Praise Him!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Gypsies, tramps & thieves

Rightwing bloggers who marvel at The Left's seeming approval of the execution of those Iranian homosexuals so Beloved by the right, I think I've finally figured out why. The degrees of separation between Al Qaeda and America's radical homosexual activists just got smaller:
Al Qaeda's newest tactic to elude American forces appears to be dressing in drag.

A key al Qaeda operative who was dressed as a woman was killed in eastern Afghanistan, according to the U.S. military.

It was the third time in just three weeks that al Qaeda operatives wearing women's clothing have been captured or killed by coalition forces, Coalition spokesman Colonel Tom Collins told ABC News.
Does it come as any surprise to find out that at this very moment, the California legislature is trying to brainwash your children into thinking that they're perverted, cross-dressing, trans-gendered, soldier-killing lifestyle is "normal?" Of course not. This is but one of the many joint ventures the Enemies of Freedom's off-shore divisions have engaged in with their domestic co-conspirators, and I'm surprised it isn't more widely accepted as the Truth. Praise Him!

America: It's what's for dinner

Illegal immigrants have many tactics to advance the reclamation of Aztlan, their fabled homeland: abetting Islamic terrorist, forcing us to learn Spanish, and shoddy worksmanship painting Sen. Conrad Burn's (R-Not sure) house. It looks like we can add one more special skill to the resume: cannibalism.
Skeletons found at an unearthed site in Mexico show that Aztecs captured, ritually sacrificed and partially ate several hundred people traveling with invading Spanish forces in 1520.
The Left, those hypocrites, will try to bury their heads in the sand and say that whatever happened 500 years ago doesn't matter, and then try to depict President Bush's heroic wartime service stuffing envelopes against the Viet Cong in Alabama as unfavorably as possible. I don't know about you, but I have absolutely no interest in being served up in a taquito from a catering truck somewhere in Whittier, so the sooner we can pass draconian immigration bills and ban gay marriage, the better. Praise Him!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Prole tart threat

Because the jihad against Our Nation's virtue takes many forms, you'll probably never see Hanoi Hillary Clinton's face on any of the FBI's Most Wanted posters. Hillary is a dangerous and cunning adversary, and she isn't afraid to do whatever it takes to advance her sinister agenda of subjecting America to dhimmitude, as the moldering corpses of former trysting partners Vincent Foster, Ron Brown, and John Denver* can attest.

Hillary's latest attack on Freedom comes to us via Prayer Warrior National Review's Louis Wittig, who exposes how Hillary is once again coarsening the political discourse: She takes away the God-given right of every rightwing pundit to debate her hotness, and through cosmetology(!) no less:
In fact, for almost two pantsuit-and-sensible-hairstyle-filled decades, dismissing Hillary Clinton’s sex appeal and its potential implications seems to have been Hillary Clinton’s goal.
What's worse is that her feminazi Gestapo even has people afraid to so much as open their mouths about it:
I posted an ad on Craigslist soliciting America’s anonymous thoughts on Hillary Clinton’s sex appeal. It drew exactly three responses. A sampling: “I would love to be here White Hosue Intern,” “I wish I was her boyfriend, I would make her happy” (phone number included) and “she has kankles.” It seems premature to drawn any conclusions here.

Standing outside the Museum of Sex that day, Hillary partisan Bob Kunst acknowledged an attraction (and added the only bit of political sex appeal strategizing I got.) “She’s a very good looking woman…that may be a problem…women are jealous…the country may not be ready for someone who’s attractive and smart.” Then he quickly changed the subject to Clinton’s national security credentials.
I'm sure that's when the black Lincoln pulled up to the curb.

What's worse, it's not just Hillary's minions in the government that are doing this: This shit's gone New World Order. Hillary has some friends in Very High Places who aren't disinclined to bend the rules in order to grant her those special favors:
To try and add some scientific heft to Kunst’s appreciation, I downloaded an unlabeled, amateur-taken picture of Hillary from the web and posted it on Hot or Not.com — leader of a small pack of teen-tilted websites that allows visitors to scroll through pictures of strangers and rate their hotness on a scale of 1 to 10. Over 1,000 voters rated Hillary, judging her a 6.6 (according to the site’s metrics, hotter than 62 percent of the women on the site) before Hot or Not moderators took the picture down for violating their “no pictures of famous people” rule.
America, we have been put on notice. Either we can stand up to this women (by blogging viciously bitchy things about her), or we can accept this first step of the American Caliphate. An America where straight white men can't masturbate to pictures of attractive female politicians is one that I don't want to live in, and I doubt any of you want that, either. Praise Him!

*I know this one might seem weird, but these are just the ones she's killed so far. When all the pieces come to light, it will make perfect sense.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

A pariah is born

It seems hard to believe, but it used to be that the conferring of superstardom upon an individual ensured a certain moral imprimatur (c.f. Ronald Reagan, Anita Bryant). Sadly, The Left has so defiled the concept of celebrity that nowadays, the qualifications for admission have been reduced to eating live scorpions on a reality television show or marrying Liza Minelli. If you thought they had hit bottom with that one, you're wrong. Prayer Warriors Lifesite.net have tipped us off to The Left's latest get-famous-quick scheme -- contracting HIV [my emphasis]:
But worse than this, he says, they have become a vehicle for an inhuman leftist ideology under the guise of multi-million dollar philanthropy, a vehicle for a Hollywood-style celebrity cult and brazen anti-American political machine. ...

“It’s a multi-billion dollar industry,” he said. “Pharmaceuticals, condoms, counsellors, distributors, advertising executives, grants for fake human rights groups and celebrity status. If you have AIDS you can be a star if you promote their agenda. It’s become a disease of opportunity. If AIDS stopped today there would be millions of people who would stop getting an income.”
It's the oldest story in the book, something we've all seen a million times: Starry-eyed kid moves to big city, gets HIV (through the assiduous use of condoms), is catapulted to worldwide fame, and thanks agent for giving him AIDS -- in between bitter denouncements of American foreign policy -- during awards ceremony acceptance speech. Hollywood constantly reinforces this message in movies, in television shows, and popular music, and MSM has been nothing less than complicit in this whole charade. I extend my deepest gratitude to my Prayer Warriors for having the courage to try to make HIV what it ought to be, an endless source of shame and fear, rather than the easy path to riches and fame it has become. Praise Him!

UPDATE FROM COMMENTS - Via loyal Nancy-Con LiquidDaddy:
I think, more than sex = death, children should learn that kissing = death and that it isn't a "cool" thing to do. It's a gateway to debauchery and eventually to poor health. Never mind hickies!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Sound advice

Traditional Marriage has no more ardent a supporter than Sister Nancy Beth, so I was fascinated to read Focus on Family's top reasons for divorce (curiously absent from the list: radical homosexual activists -- hmm, somebody's slipping...). As a public service to my 'tween 12 and 20 readers, I would like to pass along this tawny iridescent pearl of Godly Wisdom:
Getting married too young: Girls who marry between 14 and 17 years of age are more than twice as likely to divorce as those who marry at 18 or 19 years of age. Those who marry at 18 or 19 are 1.5 times as likely to divorce as those who marry in their 20s. The pressures of adolescence and the stresses of early married life do not mix well. Finish the first before taking on the second.
Ladies, I can't stress this enough: Despite the obvious temptation to be the envy of your junior high classmates, hold out until you're at least 18 before you get married. This way, your parents will have to buy you both a graduation gift and a wedding gift. Praise Him!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Beslan on the Pacific

Continuing on yesterday's theme of the Unholy joinder of The Left's nefarious agents, I would like to point out the latest Demonic coupling: Hollywood and public schools, committed to the core to turning your innocent Christian teen into a potty-mouthed harlot. Prayer Warriors Agape Press presents us with the sad tale of their most recent Victim:
According to Pastor Brian Lewis and his wife Tara, Animo Venice Charter Public High School, a school serving the city of Venice, California, and the Los Angeles Westside, violated their parental rights when school officials failed to inform the parents that the school would be showing his daughter Alexis and fellow students the R-rated movie, Donnie Darko. ...

"My daughter likes to write. She generally writes poems and things of that sort," Tara explains. "And right after she saw the movie, I started seeing poems with profanity, sexual content -- things that I have never seen her write before, never even found in some of her poems," the distraught mother says. She has no doubt Donny Darko was the source of this new and disturbing bent in her daughter's writing, she says, "because this movie was pretty graphic."

Brian Lewis is likewise convinced that his daughter's mind was invaded by the film's explicit content; he even goes so far as to say that Animo Venice High School officials are responsible for the "emotional kidnapping and psychological rape" of his daughter's "Christian innocence," which is why he says he and his wife plan to sue the school for showing Donnie Darko to their daughter without giving them prior notice.
For arguments' sake, I'll assume that her Christian Innocence wasn't clad inappropriately or otherwise asking to be psychologically raped in such a vicious manner, and officially declare this The Worst Thing That Could Befall A Christian Family. If they were going to show movies in school, it should stick to non-violent and wholesome conservative fare, like The Passion of the Christ, or Team America: World Police.

What's important to keep in mind is that it wasn't just Mr. & Mrs. Lewis' child who was subjected to this filth. Donnie Darko and his NEA-backed enablers may have improperly fondled the Christian Innocence of hundreds of children, resulting in an epidemic of bad teen-age writing from which Our Nation may never recover. There is, of course, only one course of corrective action to such a gross injustice:
"We would love to launch a class-action suit," Brian says, "because it was shown to approximately 148 fifteen-year-olds. And the thing is that they violated the law when they showed it without parental consent. You know, these movies are restricted for a reason, and these guidelines are put there for a reason. You can't just show anything to a teenager."
As someone whose Christian Innocence was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated* just from reading about this heinous act, I think I would qualify as a plaintiff -- in fact, I've already spent my share of the settlement over at Forced Exposure, in an attempt to reclaim my lost Christian Virtue through some shopping therapy. Send those checks & prayers to Sister Nancy Beth, West Hollywood, USA. Praise Him!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Lucky us, the trifecta hit us

It's rare to see the agents of The Left working openly in concordance against their sworn enemy, Freedom, but my Prayer Warriors at American Family Association have uncovered just such a plot. Sadly for America, judicial activists, atheists, and the Darwinists have all decided to tag-team a Harris County, Texas, courthouse monument that contains a depiction of the Bible. Their reasoning for ruling why it is unconstitutional just might surprise you (my emphasis):
Because the objective observer would conclude that the current purpose of the monument has evolved into, and presently constitutes, a religious symbol, the Mosher monument containing a Bible violates the Establishment Clause. For the foregoing reasons, the judgment of the district court is AFFIRMED.
Oh yeah? Well, the judgment of Sister Nancy Beth is that this is OUTRAGEOUS! First evolution was used to expel God from science classes, and now it's grounds for evicting Him from Our Nation's judicial system. Quite frankly, I don't think liberals will be happy until they've got God living beneath a freeway overpass somewhere and begging for change. The only way this whole sordid affair could have gotten any worse is if those bossy homosexuals and environmentalists had poked their noses into this (and I'm more than a little surprised that they didn't), but I guess they've got their hands full with perverting wildlife. Praise Him!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The [Teen] People's Republic of Christian Persecution

MSM's least contested and most repeated lie is that the women of America use makeup to turn ourselves into alluring sex kittens, rather than to express Our Christian Faith in The Almighty. You would think that my arch-nemesis, Teen People, would have been sufficiently chastened by the last drubbing I gave them about unchecked liberal bias to engage in chicanery of this stripe again. However, as the saying goes, old habits die hard, or maybe it's just that my Prayer Warriors have been too engrossed in locating altered Reuters photos to aim their mighty blowguns against these monsters. Would anyone be surprised to see that these enemies of Freedom are once again using beauty aids to debase Our Nation's Virtue?

To most Patriots, fall means heading back to school to litigate specious claims that ensure Our Nation's Judeo-Christian Values are properly Honored in the courtroom as well as the classroom. To the liberal press, however, it's when unsupervised teens are free to emulate their favorite pop stars and engage in pre-marital intercourse while abusing cosmetics. Case in point is Teen People's "profile" of Nellie Furtado, which has the teaser line of "Why be faithful to just one makeup style? 'Promiscuous' songstress Nelly Furtado shows you how to make things up with a quartet of hot looks." What follows is an act of entertainment-industry heresy so debauched it made me wish Linda Blair would show up with her crucifix, just for comic relief. Here's even more filth from these shameless sleaze merchants urging our children to spread it like peanut butter:
Get Loose

Nelly Furtado is having the summer of her life. She's got a No. 1 CD, Loose; a No. 1 single, "Promiscuous"; and a new muse: daughter Nevis, 2 (with ex-beau DJ Jasper "Lil' Jaz" Gahunia). "Even people who don't use big words know the word 'promiscuous,'" says the singer, 27, who blends folk, hip-hop and pop. So, is she? "In the studio," she says. "I'm not faithful to one style. I'm a musically promiscuous girl!"
Despite the overwhelming proof that only musical abstinence can prevent teen pregnancy, MSM once again gives promiscuity the hard sell. I can only hope that Ms. Furtado doesen't transmit any social diseases to these unsuspecting musical styles.

Pre-marital sex and free love aren't the only things Ms. Furtado is shilling for. She's also pushing the great lie of "natural beauty" (read: lesbianism) that seeks to turn our daughters from docile servants of The Lord into angry feminists. Observe:

To get a look that’s equal parts sweet and sophisticated, remember: Less is more. Dab a shimmer-infused beige eye shadow on lids and brush a gold-flecked highlighter on cheeks for a warm glow. Finish with a sheer, shiny gloss.
Sure, if you're headlining a womyn's music festival. The rest of us want to look like women, thank you.

Perhaps the greatest Outrage Teen People perpetrates against Morality is their incitement to use cosmetics to tart yourself up like a streetwalker, rather than advocating Beauty Respect demonstrated by women like Katherine Harris and Debra Maggart:


Up the glam factor with a major red lip (berry red is the most wearable), liquid black liner (on lids only) and a coat of red polish on short, groomed nails. Bombshell!

Bombshell? More like Katyusha, since they both have the same effect: weakening America and her allies against the predations of The Left. Terrorism takes many forms, and unless we fight back against all its encroachments, we Christians will find ourselves "winning" the same sort of "victory" that Israel recently claimed. Praise Him!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Hair on fire

Christians, I am so sorry to be the one who has to tell you this, but I have finally been able to fit together all the terrible pieces of The Left's un-Holy plans to finance Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. It's been in front of my face this whole week; I can hardly believe I didn't see it sooner. Right now, on the very streets outside my home, thieves are snatching iPods off our children and shipping them by the freight liner to desperately poor countries, where their sexually provocative ditties* turn previously chaste teenagers into America-hating nymphomaniacs. Stem cell researchers then pay them to conceive and abort their innocent children at 12 weeks, at which point rich English broads pay £15,000 to fly to Barbados and have fetuses injected into their pasty mugs -- which is not only immoral, it's tacky. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the true face of stem cell research (and yeah, Chris & Dana Reeve were in on it, too). Please help spread the word before Blogger has another of their mysterious "outages" and this entry disappears completely, or the capos of blogofascism come and take their truncheons to my knee caps. Praise Him!

*Many thanks to Nancy-Con Evidently.org for the link.

Friday, August 11, 2006

The hanging gardens of Aztlan

While I certainly understand the temptation to focus all of our blogging efforts on exposing Ned Lamont's latest efforts to abet Islamofascism, it is imperative that we remain alert to The Left's other assaults against Freedom. I'd like to point out to my readers the latest America-blaming jihad to undermine Our Nation's Glory, right off the coast of California. When most people think of Catalina island, they think of a weekend destination for happy go-lucky college students, where they can indulge in some much needed binge-drinking and not have to worry about crashing anything larger than a golf cart. Unfortunately for these young Americans, allies of their radical MEChA classmates are trying to eradicate the flora of Western Civilization directly beneath their feet:
The nonprofit Catalina Island Conservancy, which owns and manages 88% of the island, is preserving Catalina as nature intended, one plant at a time. With facilities in Avalon and Middle Ranch, the group is doing more than simply revegetating the island's wild areas with native species. It's also embarking on a measured campaign to change what Catalina residents plant at home, replacing those geraniums, bougainvilleas and other imports with flowers and shrubs that better fit the island's fragile ecosystem. ...

CONSERVANCY botanists Denise and John Knapp share a house in Middle Ranch with their 18-month-old son, Wyatt Jepson, named for California's most eminent early botanist, Willis Linn Jepson. Denise researches native plant populations on the island, particularly those affected by nonnative species. John, who also tracks local invasive plants, says the list has grown to 76, including fennel, English ivy, Arundo donax, Vinca major, German ivy and bridal creeper — a South African native that's also called Asparagus asparagoides or smilax asparagus and is one of New Zealand's worst weeds.
This is Outrageous! Must even the gardens of Avalon fall prey to the defeatism of The Left? Anyone with half a brain can't help but notice a preponderance of European names in the list of invasive plants (German ivy, English Ivy), and this whole thing reeks of liberal guilt. Somebody better tell Michelle Malkin, because this is yet another step in the Reconquista to eradicate any and all traces of Our Nation's Judeo-Christian heritage and turn the Southwestern United States into a giant Home Depot that illegal aliens can loiter in front of. Remember: When invasive non-native plants are pulled, Baby Jesus weeps. Praise Him!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Terror in the skies, terror at home

While it is tempting to look to Al Qaeda as the guiding force behind the recently thwarted terrorist attack, it is essential to keep in mind who the real enemies are: liberal bloggers. Remember, it was their relentless assault on Our Nation's Values that so exhausted Our President that he had to spend a month clearing brush in Crawford in the summer of 2001. Evidently they still haven't learned the lessons of 9/11, because they continue their attacks against America, this time in "defense" of "The Constitution." Given The Left's 70 year track record of being wrong about nearly Everything,* why anyone would bother listening to them is anyone's guess. Anyway, this incident has made it perfectly clear that the only way to deter further acts of terrorism is to ban gay marriage and nuke Iran. Praise Him!

* With the possible exception of the New Deal, Social Security, MediCare, Civil Rights, Vietnam, Clinton-era prosperity, and Iraq.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Love him or Lieberman

I just want to be on record saying that if Joe Lieberman loses today (and there appears the strong likelihood he will), it will be the Worst. Possible. Thing. Ever. in the history of civilization, Western or otherwise. The victory this hands to those insufferable liberal bloggers will result in deafening crowing I will be hearing about well into my 70's, should The Rapture not take me sooner. You're going to hear a lot of shrill talk about "seachange," and not in their usual Village People/"In the Navy" way, and the mounting opposition to Our President's agenda. The Left will be unable to shut up about a newly reinvigorated Democratic Party, and the oh-so-delicious-it's-worthy-of-Miss-Atlantis-Morissette-herself irony that all it took to turn them from a bunch of losers into a team of winners was the defeat of one of their own Democratic candidates. I counsel you, my sisters: These are dark days ahead for us Christian folk, so it's best to stay focused on those photoshopped news photos. Praise Him!

Pink China

Through my think-tank, the Project for the Nancy-American Century, I have long touted the transformative role Christian cosmetology will have, when partnered with America's military strength, in spreading Democracy across the globe. So I am pleased to announce that the Nancy-Con doctrine of Freedom through the application of cosmetics is in riotously full bloom. Whoever said that only Nixon could have gone to China obviously never heard of Mary Kay Ash:
Hope of joining China’s growing middle class drove Xiang Jun Mei, a poor rice farmer’s daughter, to sell Mary Kay products door-to-door and to everyone she met. ...

Both women see in themselves something of the late Mary Kay Ash, the bouffant, pink-Cadillac-driving Texan who founded Mary Kay cosmetics in 1963. Increasingly, the company sees its future in these Chinese entrepreneurs.

China is the company’s fastest-growing and second-largest market. It is expected to surpass the United States in sales in the next 10 years. Growing ranks of Chinese women are donning the Mary Kay uniform of tailored suits, reading Ash’s books (translated into Mandarin), holding skin-care classes and professing the blonde matriarch’s go-getter philosophy.
Glamour on this scale is certainly not without its perils. China has an estimated population of 1.3 billion people, and the potential unleashing of all that Beauty could, theoretically, trigger a supernova that would consume much of China, and hopefully North Korea while it's at it. But as Our Secretary of Defense would say, "Glamour is sometimes untidy," and that's a risk I'm sure we're all willing to take. Praise Him!

Friday, August 04, 2006

The silver screen... of treason!

With Hamas and Hezbollah taking their battering rams against the pillars of Freedom, it was merely a matter of time before Hollywood took their cue and launched a stateside assault. Much like their spiritual allies in the Middle East, they've adopted a two-pronged strategy. The first one comes to our attention via Prayer Warriors Renew America:
Unfortunately, Mel Gibson provided the Hollywood elite the hammer and nails they needed to crucify him. His extremely foolish misconduct was just what his enemies were looking for. Now, they are attacking him with a vengeance! In fact, he has been castigated by almost everyone in the industry.

For example, according to press reports, ABC has already announced the cancellation of a planned miniseries about the Holocaust it was developing with Gibson's Icon Productions.

In addition, Michael Levine, an agent who has represented super-stars such as Michael Jackson and Charlton Heston, said, "It's a nuclear disaster for him [Gibson]. I don't see how he can restore himself." Throughout the industry, the sentiment is the same: "Gibson has committed vocational suicide and is dead in the water. It's all over for him."

Yet, I don't remember anyone in Hollywood or in the national media saying it was "all over" for Jesse Jackson when back in 1984 he called Jews "Hymies" and referred to New York City as "Hymietown."...
The fact that Rev. Jesse Jackson to this very day enjoys such a lucrative career in show business demonstrates the depths of Hollywood elites' contempt for America and hatred for Christianity. Why studio bosses continue to greenlight his projects remains one of the least understood mysteries of the Vast Liberal Conspiracy, but you know it's only a matter of time before he's feted with an Oscar for lifetime achievement.

If that weren't bad enough, Agape Press has the latest on Hollywood's unconscionable plan for turning our innocent youth into sex-crazed teen-agers: by having people in their 30's making PG-13 comedies:
It might be interesting for young women to know that John Tucker Must Die, a film written from the girls' point of view, which gives a free pass to the young man and makes girls feel bad about wanting to get even with a guy who has been using them, was written by a man, Jeff Lowell. While his age is not revealed in his Internet Movie Database bio, his filmography indicates that he is at least in his 30s. Additionally, the film is directed by Betty Thomas, who also directed the exploitative Howard Stern's Private Parts and introduced Marcia Brady to lesbianism in The Brady Bunch Movie.
Films do not come out of thin air. They are products that are created and honed, often over years of development, shooting, and post-production. Movies are intentional, not accidental. By uncovering the people behind the curtain who are producing these films, perhaps we can begin to ask important questions like, "Why would a 30+ year-old man want to make a film that made female promiscuity seem fun, and funny, and which gives a pass to young men who abuse young women's affections?"
I'll tell you why: to turn them into either (a) man-hungry tramps, or (b) vegetarian lesbians, both of whom will be recruited into radical anarchist organizations like Code Pink or the Democratic Party and will then enslave Our Nation's men through their radical agenda of casual sex, compulsory abortion, and keeping males out of college. If Hollywood had the courage or the integrity to let 15 year old boys make movies, it's highly doubtful we'd be exposed to cultural trash of this sort. Praise Him!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Up from bondage

Hello, Christians. There's no real point to this post, other than to just check in behind the scenes. According to Sitemeter, one of my earlier posts that has made me especially popular with the perverts of the internet is Christian Housewives in Bondage, in which I lament my exhausted state from just having moved in with Jesus. It's been nine and a half months since then, and since I am inspired by the more personal style of blogging that I have been reading lately over at Nancy-Cons Mom of Three, Evidently.org, and Beancounters, I felt I owed it to the Christian women of America to give an update on what it's like to be a Bride of Christ.

Actually, it's pretty damn great. One of the more prominent messages presented to me growing up was that you should always put others' needs before your own, so that they will love you more. I've got a lot of truly horrible stuff happening in my life presently (cancer-stricken sibling and close friend -- now in remission, thank God; beloved old grampa cat with failing kidneys), so even though I thought that I was valiantly persevering in a manner consistent with my upbringing, it still felt as though I was losing ground with each step, like I was walking chest-deep in the river against a particularly strong current. Being with Jesus means that He can carry me for a change, instead of me carrying everyone else. And more importantly, I can let him. That's not something I think I could have learned with anyone else but Him, by the way.

Also, Jesus started a medical program, so despite all the fun we're having watching violence in Middle East escalate to a point where Rapture is a near certainty, don't get too happy, girls. It's a four year program, so you still have to pay your bills this month. He quit His job to start this program, and surprisingly, this transition in our lives has been nothing short of amazing in every way. You'd think not having a source of income and wondering how you were going to be paying your bills for the next four years would be a source of alarm for some people, but in comparison with all the stress Jesus took home from His job for us, it's a truly minor consideration. We'll just trust that what I make at the Beauty Palace and the student loans the Democrats grudgingly give Him will be enough to see us through.

Another of the benefits from His entering school is that I now have TWO GLORIOUS NIGHTS A WEEK TO MYSELF ALONE IN OUR APARTMENT. To put my circumstances in context: For the past nine and a half months, I have had approximately 35 minutes to myself in this apartment Monday through Friday. Jesus' job put Him out the door at 7:30 and home before I was, and if I didn't want to be late -- which I was, constantly -- I had until 8:05 to get out door and on to the bus stop.

These meagerly 35 minutes were all I had allotted to myself for performing the morning ablutions and conducting my prayers while applying makeup. Sure, we could get up earlier, but as it was, we were already getting up at 4:30 a.m. to protest the gym three mornings a week. There wasn't a lot of fat built into this regimen, at least not in the morning.

It became impossible to leave on time, as I could not resist tacking on another 5...10...20 minutes onto that little bit I had to myself. Conchita was far more gracious than I think I would have been had our positions been reversed, but since I theoretically get in before she does, it's entirely possible it never really showed up on her radar as a problem, despite the occasional pointed comment by my co-workers.

Now, with Jesus' new schedule, He's got 75 minutes to get ready by Himself once I'm out the door -- not enough to be considered luxurious, but surely enough time to get the job done. I am in a far better mood, a discovery I made shortly after getting to work that very first morning. I am also trying out this idea that radical change can, in very rare circumstances, affect things for the better.

So, how am I celebrating my new Freedom? Well, I spot-cleaned the carpet, and then I decided to blog. I waivered for a moment before doing it on Edicts of Nancy. Theoretically, this is the sort of thing that my inner selfish hedonist was all gung-ho about doing over at that shamefully neglected other blog. Well, you obviously can't trust those people with anything, so here it is. This was sort of fun, though, so maybe I'll do more of this in the future. Praise Him!


Apparently launching their missiles into Israel isn't enough for the anti-glamour forces of Lezbollah. Now they've taken to debasing cosmetology in their wicked jihad against Freedom:
DAMASCUS, Syria — The barbershop here on a shady side street says it's for VIPs, and a cut could set you back a hefty $20 or more.

But not if you're from Lebanon.

A sign lets customers know that Lebanese refugees get trimmed and shaved for free. Barber Tarek Hammami has also hit up his clients, the well-to-do kind who can afford his elite haircuts, and talked them into delivering truckloads of fans, small refrigerators and food to shelters for those who have fled the violence in Lebanon.

"All the Lebanese who ended up here in Damascus, they're poor people who have nowhere else to go. That's one reason we help," Hammami said Monday. "But there's another reason. We feel that maybe what they're doing to the Lebanese people, maybe they'll do to us, to all the Arab people, next. Maybe next year is our turn."
Just imagine it, Christians: Thousands of Al Qaeda hairdressers maniacally snipping away on the borders of Israel as they practice their black art, and all with the sole objective of restoring the Caliphate. If that isn't enough to make you pray for a couple of "errant" cruise missiles to "accidentally" land in the beauty parlors of Damascus (and Tehran, for good measure), then you've clearly been infected with the anti-Semitism of The Left. Praise Him!

* Term coined by commenter Esperanto Manimal.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Hanging up on Terror

First Al-Qaeda used suicide bombings (minus the bombs) to turn Gitmo into another political theater in which they could enact their ludicrous farces. Now we see that pre-teen terrorists are staging their own deaths for a gullible press in a pathetically transparent attempt to discredit Israel. Suicide has quickly become the jihadis favorite tactic for waging war on Freedom, so it only makes sense that suicide prevention hotlines should become the latest weapon in Our Nation's arsenal against Islezbofascism:
1-800-SUICIDE is in danger of being shut off or worse falling into the hands of the Federal Government. With teenage suicide being the 3rd leading cause of death between 18 to 24 year olds - our government should not be duplicating prevention efforts but helping fund the many local organizations and non-profits with proven track records on prevention. In addition our government should not be in the business having access to this private and sensitive information!

Despite the fact that almost 2 million callers have reached help and hope over the last 8 years, and a government funded evaluation stating the benefits of 1-800-SUICIDE, the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Service Administration (SAMHSA), a division of Health & Human Services, has decided to create their own government run system where they would have direct access to confidential data on individuals in crisis.
What seems to have escaped these liberal hand-wringers is that the government is probably listening in already. Praise Him!