Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Linky love

Great news, Christians -- President Bush has blown a kiss to us right-wing bloggers! This exciting development comes via my Prayer Warriors at Power Line:
“I think what’s healthy is that there’s no monopoly on the news,” Bush said. “There’s competition. There’s competition for the attention of, you know, 290 million people, or whatever it is.

“And the amazing thing about this world we live in is that there’s a kind of free-flowing, kind of bulletin board of ideas and thoughts out there in the ether space, sometimes landing on somebody’s desk and sometimes not, but always available. It’s a very interesting period.”

Having long been pilloried by the mainstream media, Bush now finds the rise of the alternative media nothing less than revolutionary.

“It’s the beginning of the twenty-first century; it also happens to be the beginning of—or near the beginning—of a revolution in newsgathering and dissemination,” he said. “Not in newsmaking—that tends to be pretty consistent.”
I don't know about you, but just the thought of President Bush saying the word dissemination makes my ladyparts all tingly! And to be personally recognized by the greatest president in the history of history? Well, on behalf of Christian bloggers everywhere, let me just say, "Mr. President, you're welcome."

Of course, it isn't all flight suits and sweet nothings. Karl Rove has a few unkind words for lefty bloggers:
“There is so much ugliness and viciousness and fundamental untruths that the blogosphere transmits,” he lamented. “It also is a vehicle for ugly rumors, for scurrilous personal attacks, an avenue for the creation of urban legends which are deeply corrosive of the political system and of people’s faith in it.”
Amen, Brother Karl! But as long as political discourse remains in the capable hands of us conservative bloggers, Truth will prevail over partisan spin and outright falsehoods. Praise Him!

MSM strikes again

Liberal Media's campaign of relentless negativity against Our President's glorious Crusade to sublimate Iraqis' natural tendency for terrorism into Freedom Loving has found success -- in the minds of US soldiers:
A poll of U.S. troops currently serving in Iraq—reportedly the first of its kind—shows that 72% advocate a U.S. pullout within a year, with only 23% for staying as long ”as necessary,” reports Nicholas Kristof in his New York Times column today. Some 29% urge withdrawal “immediately.”
I just can't help but feel that if MSM had devoted more air time to freshly painted schools and christenings rather than polluting our beautiful minds with the untidier scenes of freedom, they wouldn't have gotten us into this mess.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Onward, Christian soldiers of Capitalism

Sister Nancy Beth is delighted to see that the blogosphere has declared this week Corporation Appreciation Week. For too long, the contributions that America's great corporate citizens have made to strengthening Our Christian Values have gone unheralded, and I consider it an honor to do my part to salute these unsung defenders of Liberty!

First & foremost in my heart are the good citizens at Wal-Mart, who truly need all the cheerleading they can get. Sadly, Wal-Mart -- much like our great crusade to bring Freedom to the ragheads -- is a favorite target of The Left and their allies in the liberal media. The Left's relentless focusing on the negative, regardless of how minute or utterly inconsequential the alleged misdeed, has led many otherwise patriotic Americans to needlessly question the Christian Bounty Wal-Mart brings to content stay-at-home moms like Jane Q. Citizen. This same barrage of negativity has also prompted examination in some quarters of the quality of wages & benefits Wal-Mart offers to those slatternly single mothers & other loose-moraled women who constitute its workforce. The minimum wages of sin, you know...

But Christians, I must ask you: Does Freedom not come at a price? So why then all this agonizing over such minuscule concerns? Make no doubt about it: The moonbat campaign to "reform" Wal-Mart is nothing more than a second front in The Left's assault on Freedom, Chastity, and Capitalism, which started in earnest on 9/11 and won't end until Christians like yours truly are enslaved in Chairwoman Hillary's re-education camps.

Wal-Mart dutifully serves the cause of Freedom by bringing an early form of American Capitalism to people around the world, most notably the heathen Chinee. Just imagine their gratitude! They also promote an organizational model of the workplace in keeping with The Bible, and are wise stewards of the land God gave Wal-Mart dominion over. And today I am happy to see they are defending the ideals of Our Country by standing up to Hillary and her fellow travellers:
Scott also criticized bills filed in at least 22 states that would force the retailer to spend more on health care, saying they require companies to "spend an arbitrary percentage" of payroll on benefits.

"I believe what we're seeing is a little too much politics," Scott said. "I think we all know what the employer mandate bills are all about."
So very true, Mr. Scott. It's all about taxpayers like you and me footing the bill for day spas for welfare queens and illegal immigrants... but not if we Christians stick together. Praise Him!

Saturday, February 25, 2006

"Science" vs. The Truth

Happy Saturday, Christians (and if you're among those responsible for killing Our Lord, shabbat shalom). I felt so bad about neglecting you while I caught up on work this week that I'm blogging on the weekend. Remember that guilt is a very powerful force, so be sure to use it wisely.

Something Jesus pointed out to me is this article about the purported genetic origins of nancyhood.

Normally, X chromosome inactivation occurs at random: half of the cells in a woman's body will have one X chromosome inactivated, while the other half inactivates the other chromosome.

However, when the researchers in the current study examined cells from those women who had at least two gay sons, they found that 42 of them—or 23 percent—showed something different. ...

In contrast, only 4 percent of mothers with no gay sons and 13 percent of those with just one gay son showed this type of extreme skewing.

Bocklandt thinks this suggest that a mother's X chromosomes partly influences whether her son is gay or not.

That the Darwinists would make common cause with the homos like this comes as no surprise. In fact, it wouldn't shock me in the least to find out that The Left, having saturated the liberal arts departments of America's universities, are now flocking to the hard sciences to further pervert scholarship and concoct pseudo-scientific justifications for their sinful lifestyle. Liberals bitch & moan about a few harmless references to Jesus in the public arena, but the real threat is to us Christians: Evolution is the creed of the non-believers, and they shovel it down the throats of our children at every opportunity, all in the name of "scientific objectivity."


Something else I found noteworthy at the same site where I found the above article is the exposé on the 10 deadliest animals. Here's what those bearded-lady environmentalists don't tell you:
Not every elephant is as friendly as Dumbo. Elephants kill more than 500 people a year worldwide. African elephants generally weigh in around 16,000 pounds – all the better to stomp you with – not to mention their sharp tusks.
Liberal patsies, no doubt on account of their irrational Bush hatred, ultimately like to depict poachers -- or anything that encroaches on the pristine habitat of their animal "friends" -- as some sort of threat to the sustainability of life on earth, without any discussion of how many lives those evil, evil poachers are actually saving. Well, moonbats, wake up and smell the lattés: It's kill or be killed. Praise Him!

Friday, February 24, 2006

placeholder random 10

Because I'm too busy to do much of anything else:

Face Toward The Sun - Died Pretty
If You Believe In Christmas Trees - Cardinal
Abschied - Nico
Opening Part II - Gavin Bryars
Kafi Noir - Sheila Chandra
Open Your Heart - Madonna
My Heart's Reflection - Yo La Tengo
You Send Me - Aretha Franklin
Lights on the Vibe - Solid Doctor
Oh How Your Love Is Strong - Bert Jansch

For the record, I disavow any responsibility for tracks by that dirty whore, Madonna, that might appear on these lists (as happened today), and assign full blame to Jesus.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The quiet joys of dhimmitude

Acquiescence to the black/feminist/homosexual/Islamofascist juggernaut takes many forms. While some of the less angry members of The Left may believe their good-faith efforts will be met with similar moderation by their radicalized cohorts, Muslim attempts to bomb Legoland tell us otherwise. Conchita's been on my back all day, but a casual glance at the headlines of my Prayer Warriors alert us to this alarming trend.

Yahoo prohibits the letter sequence "allah" in its email addresses: Their reasoning is the usual namby-pambyisms about tolerance and sensitivity, but did the 9/11 hijackers exhibit similarly genteel regard for us Americans? I dare say not:
Yahoo Inc. said Wednesday it has changed policy to allow usage of the word. In a written statement, the company defended the previous policy as an attempt to protect users from hateful speech.

"A small number of people registered for IDs using specific terms with the sole purpose of promoting hate and then used those IDs to post content that was harmful or threatening to others, thus violating Yahoo's terms of service," the statement said.
Fortunately for us Christians, we don't need to use the forbidden letters to insult Islam, as any visit to their message boards will prove.

Vatican begs Muslims, "Mount me like a dog": It pains me to have to finally admit that my beloved Catholic Church has assumed the supplicant's position in dealing with the so-called Religion of Peace. Their latest crackpot scheme is proposing reciprocal tolerance between Muslims and members of other faiths. This diminution of ethical clarity comes as no surprise, as their half-baked attempts to weed nancies out of the priesthood can attest. While they've taken positive steps to purge the fudgepackers from their ranks, they've done absolutely nothing to address those flirtatious altar boys who use their pre-adolescent wiles to seduce our helpless Brothers. This moral blindness is on display yet again in this Vatican-themed moral equivocation:
Iraqi Christians say they were well treated under Saddam Hussein's secular policies, but believers have been killed, churches burned and women forced to wear Muslim garb since Islamic groups gained sway after the U.S.-led invasion in 2003.
Have we forgotten about the incubators, the rape rooms, Uday's plastic shredder, and Saddam's plans to assasinate Our President's father? The Pope would rather depict the oppression of Iraqis by Saddam Hussein as some halcyon age rather than celebrate the untidy freedom Iraqis now enjoy -- thanks to the efforts of Our President. It's enough to make me start attending Mel Gibson's Latin-only church.

James Dobson begs nancies, "Mount me like a dog.": Somebody pinch me hard, because I think I'm dreaming, and it's not a good one.

Some fellow conservatives are criticizing Focus on the Family founder James Dobson for supporting proposed Colorado legislation to give same-sex couples limited legal protections.

The proposal would smooth the way for any two people who cannot marry to register for rights to hospital visits, making medical decisions for each other and property transfers. These rights are already available to two persons but they need lawyers to prepare paperwork.

The bill, filed by a Republican opponent of gay rights, competes with a Democratic domestic partnership measure that covers gay couples and, critics say, would treat gay couples essentially the same as married couples under the law.

Dobson said he believes in equality under the law but doesn't want to redefine marriage.

I hope this isn't Rev. Dobson's way of announcing his intention to helm one of those ex-gay ministries I so enthusiastically endorse. The repercussions of allowing equality for homos under the law would rock the foundations of Western Culture to the very core, resulting in transgendered hooliganism, compulsory bestiality, and mass ritual suicide... which is just what Osama wants. Remember to keep the faith, Christians -- it's for the good of Our Country. Praise Him!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Eczema, Texas Ranger

Hello, fellow Christians! It's been a while, but I'm itching to get back into the blogging game after mine & Jesus' exciting trip to Texas. I have to admit that I had hoped to use this excursion to do some field research on the State of the Coiffure in the Lone Star State, but cold weather (mid-20's for much of our stay) kept us indoors and the ladies' tresses under wraps. From what little I could observe on the local news broadcasts (Joseph had 3 tv sets going -- all at once!), blonde highlights are the new ranch dressing: They go with everything and are perfect for any occasion, regardless of your skin tone or hair color.

Our first destination was the opulent Ripley's & Tussaud's Palace of Wax. When we told Jesus' family where we had gone, it became evident that everyone who grew up in the Dallas/Fort Worth area wanted to go to this tourist trap, but never did. Jesus & I recently protested the Ripley's on Hollywood Boulevard, so we were curious as to how many outrages we'd find here in Texas. Sure, Ripleys' served up a few demitasses of Evolution-Lite in the guise of freaks whose pitiful condition was caused by "chromosonal mutations" (the Darwinist catch-all excuse for when God hates you so much that he smites your progeny), but the wax museum dished up plenty of Texas-sized helpings... of Jesus!!!

Unfortunately, I didn't have my digital camera with me, so these pix from my cell phone will have to do. What you can't see is Wax Jesus' liberal use of eyeliner -- Jesus reassures me that the last time He applied it that badly was as a teenager going to midnight screenings of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. (Also noteworthy but sadly unphotographed: The lonely fate of stars whose voltage has diminished is being relocated throughout the museum, and an armor-clad Charles Bronson was standing next to King John I for the signing of the Magna Carta.)

The next day we braved the icy roads to protest Southfork Ranch, where we spotted the handprints of former Jhirmack spokesmodel and present day proprietress of her own line of beauty aids, Victoria Principal. Could this possibly be the most Christian place on earth?

Sadly, No, as they say on the internets:

It pains me to report that even Southfork Ranch as fallen into a state of dhimmitude, as this "crescent of embrace" flying brazenly over the former home of Ms. Principal can attest. The tour guide claims that the flags represent every country that Dallas has been aired in, but this is nothing more than a transparent attempt by Hollywood Liberals to mollify radical jihadists. Well, Hollywood, there's no placating these people, and you'd better grow a backbone before they've stoned Sue Ellen and put Miss Ellie in a burqa.

On Sunday, I had planned on Witnessing at one of these megachurches I've been hearing so much about. I had my air horn & foam finger ready, but Mary said that we'd be protesting the Dallas Museum of Art instead. It became evident by their collection that this city is sitting on some serious bucks, or as Jesus put it, "Every time you fill your tank, another picture goes on the wall." Mary wanted to see the Maya exhibit, which was informative. Evidently the illegals' murderousness and penchant for narcotrafficking are pretty deeply ingrained.

Our final trip was to the Sixth Floor Museum:

This place is better known as the spot where the spurned Hillary Rodham, then only 16, "allegedly" murdered her former lover, John F. Kennedy, in her diabolical plan to destroy America through advancing the cause of World Communism, planting the seeds of defeatism in America's armed forces, who had just begun advising the military of South Vietnam, and installing her gullible puppet, LBJ, who would declare War on Initiative, thus ensuring a limitless supply of future Democratic voters. This horrible scenario climaxes with her assuming control in a bloodless coup better known as the 2008 presidential elections. Don't let this brazen hussy get away with it, Christians! Praise Him!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I blame TBogg

The incivility of The Left has finally infected one of the standard bearers of political discourse. I point my finger in the faces of all left-wing bloggers and say, "You helped this happen."

Because the blogosphere is self-correcting...

I contend that Princess Sparkle Pony's picture of Co-Ed Condi is really Gary Coleman in drag.

[Better me than Charles Johnson.]

Local color

Greetings from lovely Fort Worth, Christians. Jesus & I got in this afternoon and promptly began watching television, as local custom dictates. During our extensive viewing, I learned of the sad tale of Dena Schlosser, a local woman who claims she was commanded by God to saw the limbs of off her child. According to the reverend of her church, Doyle Davidson, that wasn't the voice of God, but rather of demonic possession. Well, duh. But what I find particularly fascinating is Reverend Doyle's means of purging the demons from the bodies of his comely female parishioners:
Davidson also testified that he has cast demons out of parishioners and seen evil spirits, including one that was 6 feet tall with a long tail. The former veterinarian, who has no formal religious training, has a cable TV show in the Dallas area and several states. ...

A police report states the pastor was in the home of another married member of his congregation, sitting on top of her and trying to choke out evil spirits.
So "casting out demons" is what kids are calling it these days... who knew?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The bluest hair in Texas

Greetings, Christians! I have the proverbial good news & bad news. The bad news is that posting on this blog will probably be light (as in the nonexistent variety of light) until next Tuesday. The good news is that Jesus & I will be in Nuevo Promised Land, Texas, for much of that time. Texas, it goes without saying, is where Jesus called home for the first twenty or so years of His Second Coming, and His parents live there to this day (For the record: Mary lives in Dallas with her fourth husband, Lorenzo, while Joseph lives in Fort Worth).

Naturally we have Big Plans, but I'm not sure how much to divulge. Jesus gets squeamish when I reveal our potential whereabouts on this blog, lest some moonbats intercept us and try to convert us to their asinine liberal worldview with their specious "reasoning," pornography masquerading as literature, etc. That being said, let's just say I'd like to protest Southfork Ranch as well as the establishments that pander to the selfish hedonists of the Oak Lawn neighborhood, tour the majestic George Bush Turnpike, and perhaps get my hair done at one of those elegant salons profiled in Southern Hair. Jesus & Joseph are even talking about going to a firing range for a good old fashioned Tejano peppering. Sign me up!

While I'm there, I'm going to get to the bottom of this alarming story from Prayer Warrior Phyllis Schlafly:
If you don't have access to Texas newspapers or the internet, you may not have heard the sensational news about the enormous cache of weapons just seized in Laredo, Texas. U.S. authorities grabbed two completed Improvised Explosive Devices (IEDs), materials for making 33 more, military-style grenades, 26 grenade triggers, large quantities of AK-47 and AR-15 assault rifles, 1,280 rounds of ammunition, silencers, machine gun assembly kits, 300 primers, bullet-proof vests, police scanners, sniper scopes, narcotics, and cash.
Actually, it sounds a lot like the barbecue we went to the last time Jesus & I were in Texas, but I can see why Phyllis would be distressed:
Rep. Tom Tancredo reported that sheriff deputies spotted a military-style Humvee near El Paso, Texas, with a mounted .50-caliber machine gun escorting a caravan of SUVs bringing illegal drugs into our country. Our outgunned and outmanned sheriff deputies and state highway patrol couldn't do anything except take pictures.
It was probably just Governor Schwarzenegger's entourage returning from their latest steroid run to Juarez. Had the border patrol officers waved them down, they probably would have given out their autographs. No worries, Phyllis.

Over and out, Christians, and as that old euphemism goes, "See You Next Tuesday." Praise Him!

That joke isn't funny anymore

I've been content to ignore the typically dim-witted moonbat drollery over Dick Cheney's hunting mishap, since it seemed to me that only the Angry Left of the blogosphere would make sport of it. Why dignify their juvenile antics with a response? However, now that Hollywood has taken up the cause, I feel it is my patriotic duty to make a stand. As an American and a Christian, I believe that if Vice President Cheney felt it was necessary to shoot his hunting companion in the face, then there's no need to question him on this matter further. All this second-guessing is demoralzing to our men in uniform, and is yet another transparent attempt by The Left to give comfort to the enemies of Freedom. Praise Him!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Trust him, for he knows of what he speaks

Sister Nancy Beth would like to second this sentiment appearing at CNSNews.com:
"Marriage has become a counterfeit means of validation to the small percentage of 'gay' men and women who are fighting to co-opt it," Chambers argued. "Marriage rights mean forced acceptance and forced validation of their broken lives and broken hearts."
And if anyone knows a counterfeit marriage, it's Alan Chambers:
Chambers, a former homosexual who now has a wife and two children, said homosexuality attracts some people for reasons that can seem logical.
If Alan can get it up with the Missus to sire his brood, I don't think asking you feminists take a few months out of your lives to incubate a few Christians is that big a sacrifice. Praise Him!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Fragrance of The Beast

Hello, Christians -- if this didn't strike me as such a startling development, I would have waited until my next Glamourgeddon countdown. However, since this seems to drastically effect the Rapture Index, I felt I owed it to all of you. Please make sure you've scheduled your hair & nail appontments in time for Judgment Day, which is rapidly hurtling towards us... possibly even next week. The evidence? Rock band KISS, not content profaning makeup in their quest to lead America's teens to Satan, have announced their own line of fragrances:
KISS, the flamboyant '70s “rock and roll all night, and party every day” band best known for its on-stage pyrotechnics and colorful make-up, this fall hopes to fire up fans with a beauty and fragrance collection via Gemini Cosmetics, New York. KISS's longtime merchandise and licensing representatives, Signatures Network and Doc McGhee management, brokered the deal.
Increase Rapture Index by 25, and brace yourselves. (By the way, there's still time to order my rapture panties with the expedited shipping option.) Praise Him!

But it's worth it!

'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Cost $363M:
So, the commission focused on the estimated value the military lost from each person discharged. The report detailed costs of $79.3 million for recruiting enlisted service members, $252.4 million for training them, $17.8 million for training officers and $14.3 million for "separation travel" once a service member is discharged.
Look on the bright side: It would have cost the military a hell of a lot more once these nancies started requisitioning supplies from Pottery Barn and Banana Republic. Some people may say that you can't put a price on freedom, but $363 million to keep the bungholes of America's servicemen free from any untoward scrutiny by these people strikes me as quite a bargain. Praise Him!

What would Sister Nancy Beth do?

If the Pentagon is readying plans for tactical strikes against Iran's nuclear plants, but most Americans consider activist judges a greater threat to our way of life than a nuclear attack, wouldn't it make sense for the Pentagon to make our nation's courthouses the focus of their plans?

Of feminine bondage

While I may not pay the membership dues, I definitely consider myself a Concerned Woman for America. I frequently check in with them to make sure that my Outrage is suitably targeted, and if not, callibrate it accordingly. Today's front page offers this blurb, "Sex Trafficking Expert Speaks at Grove City College: Dr. Crouse links liberal feminism to sex trafficking," so naturally I followed the link to see how Hitlery and her feminazi underlings are responsible for enslaving hundreds of thousands of women world-wide.

While I don't dispute that Ms. Rodham-Clinton's handsome visage graces many recruiting pamphlets for the whorehouses of Bangkok, I must say that I found the connection in this piece a bit tenuous. Sure, there's the obligatory bit about how feminists have given countless millions of people herpes:
“[W]omen are beginning to see the costs of imbibing the unnatural cocktail of self-centeredness served up by radical feminism. In the meantime, however, the costs have been staggering. So-called sexual freedom, loudly touted by libertines and radical feminists, has brought soaring rates of sexually transmitted diseases and plummeting rates of marriage.
But where is the feminist/sex-trafficking connection so teasingly flaunted in the subtitle? I think this must be it (my emphasis):
Sex trafficking is the No. 2 crime worldwide. It involves young women and girls lured into situations where they are repeatedly beaten and raped. Traffickers often promise them jobs, educations or good marriages here in the United States, only to steal their passports and to force them into sexually abusive situations.
Just like Feminists! Feminism, too, seduces gullible young ladies into thinking they can scale the corporate ladder by getting a college education. But in all likelihood, all these aspiring Gloria Allreds will end up doing is turning tricks at a roadside rest area outside Barstow. For whatever reason (perhaps in observance of the passing of Coretta Scott King?), Concerned Women For America feels the need to be tactful about saying it, but I have no such reservations: Women of America, stay at home and get pregnant, otherwise you'll get sold into the White Slavery. Praise Him!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Friday random ten

Michael A Grammar - Broadcast
Arnold Layne - Pink Floyd
I've Got So Much To Give - Barry White
himmelweg (le chemin du ciel part 3) - Christian Renou
I Have Been Floated - The Olivia Tremor Control
Holiday_Magic - Ern Westmore
Sarajevo - Sex Clark Five
Deluxe (Immer Wieder) - Harmonia
Gallop To Kansas - Hazel Dickens & Alice Gerrard
Prepared - Mission Of Burma

Making a surprise appearance this week is a recent offering from Princess Sparkle Pony. "Holiday Magic" is an ode to the eponymously named line of glamourceuticals that reminded me of the panegyrics bards of the Middle Ages would compose to honor the royal court -- totally worth the half hour it took to download via my crappy dial-up connection!

Totally Tammy!

My having overlooked the wisdom of Tammy Bruce and only recently adding her to the list of Prayer Warriors is a source of endless shame for me. Tammy's ability to generate Outrage of the purest grade while working in plugs for her books has made me think of her as a kindred spirit. Today Tammy calls on The Left to genuflect before the casket of Mrs. Chesty Puller (and no, she wasn't a Russ Meyer starlet -- I checked) like they did for Coretta Scott King:
She certainly deserves it. While Coretta Scott King deserves respect, she also was a media darling. There are some heroic women who live more quiet lives as they support a husband who did great things for our nation. Virginia Puller is one of those women. You in all likelihood don't even know who she is, specifically because she didn't march around, or hold press conferences, engage in politics or court the media. Virginia Puller, the wife of heroic Marine legend "Chesty" Puller, died last Saturday. Her funeral is set for this Saturday. Will the president be there? Does Bill Clinton care? What are Jimmah Carter's plans?

That's right. MLK and everyone else involved in the civil rights movement in the 60s owe their right to demonstrate in a free country to the actions of men like Puller and the support they received from their families. And while Americans who happen to be black do owe a great deal to MLK, the reality is they owe as much if not even more to the American military in general which has kept this nation safe and free, allowing activists to continue their work here at home.
Nothing less than the attendance of Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, & Jimmy Carter (who will hopefully mourn rather than going off on yet another pointless diatribe about how much he hates Freedom) at Mrs. Puller's funeral will expose liberals as the pack of grandstanding hypocrites they truly are.

It struck me that the mandatory paying of respects to lesser historical figures (or the spouses of lesser historical figures) could be quite an effective means of exposing moonbat hypocrisy. Let's go down Yahoo's list of the recently departed to see how we can put this to best use:

Actor who played Jeffersons' neighbor died - The Left loves to go on and on about their committment to miscegenation, but will any of them bother to pay their respects for actor Franklin Cover, whose kick-me-hard white guilt dialogue read like fundraising pitches for the People for the American Way? Hah! Tom Willis was just their useful idiot; once he was off the air, his fate was sealed with his former liberal benefactors. He is survived by a wife of unspecified race; let's hope that when she passes, The Left will show at least a modicum of grief for the widow of this footsoldier of perversion.

Actor 'Grandpa Munster' Al Lewis dies - Before Satanism could take root in America's soil, someone had to work the rototiller. Television's first wave of attack against Christianity began in the 60s (naturally), where the Occult was presented as cuddly and humorous, rather than cunning and dangerous. Al Lewis, along with Count Chocula and Sesame Street's The Count, were the Pied Pipers who led America's youth down the dangerous road of vampirism, goth, and self-mutilation, all in the name of "religious tolerance." Devoted to taking a wrecking ball to America, he ran as a Green Party candidate for governor of New York. Will The Left bother to use his funeral as a forum to attack Our President? Only if there are cameras present.

Betty Friedan - Her crimes against Natural Order have already been amply documented by my conservative peers, and her passing was mourned by celebrated mass-murderer Hillary Clinton, as well as the lesser deities in the liberal pantheon. According to her obituary, she was divorced, but surely she must have left a cherished pet of some sort behind. When this animal goes into the Great Beyond, will liberals pause to reflect on the quiet support it gave her? Or can we safely deduct from their absence of grief for Friedan's budgie that Feminism was just another hot-button issue liberals used to foment anger in their ignorant ranks, much to their electoral advantage, regardless of its consequences for the Great Nation they purportedly love? I think we all know the answer to that.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

You'll never guess what I got you!

I was touched by this lovely photograph of the First Lady and Our Holy Father exchanging gifts (from Yahoo), but my women's intuition tells me that both of their pantries are already full of sterling silver chafing dishes. Might I suggest the following instead?

Those smiles seem a little more genuine now, don't they? Praise Him! Posted by Picasa

The new Salem witch-hunters

I figured I could safely ignore the Ohio coingate scandal as the figment of the hyperactive imagination of unhinged liberal bloggers... until I saw the craven depths that they would sink to (my emphasis):
The executive director of the Ohio Elections Commission expects to recommend today that a complaint against a former governors’ aide involving illegal campaign contributions be referred to prosecutors.

H. Douglas Talbott, who previously worked for Govs. George V. Voinovich and Bob Taft, took cash from former Maumee coin dealer Thomas W. Noe in 2004 and made contributions in his own name to three Ohio Supreme Court justices, according to a complaint referred to the commission by investigators. ...

Taft also appointed Talbott to the Ohio Cosmetology Board in July 2003. Besides the elections complaint, Talbott faces possible ethics charges related to a $39,000 loan he reportedly took from Noe but didn’t disclose.
Is nothing sacred to The Left? Two days ago, they turned Coretta Scott King's funeral into an orgy of Bush-bashing, and now they're going after the backbone of Christianity, cosmetology. Until liberals learn how to overcome the temptation to politicize everything, they will continue to marginalize themselves to the point of total irrelevance.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Prayer Circle Jamboree

Hello, Christians! Here's what my Prayer Warriors have been up to.

Myrna Blyth serves up a political critique of hairdos better than I could ever hope to do -- sometimes I wonder why I bother.

National Review's S.T. Karnick conclusively dispels the myth that Prog Rock only appeals to dorks.

Hugh Hewitt explains how governmental spying on Martin Luther King Jr. invalidates Jimmy Carter's unhinged criticism of governmental spying on the Kings.

Wizbang identifies the true victims of the Massachusetts gay bar rampage: gun owners.

WorldNetDaily warns us of one of the unintended consequences of celebrating Black History Month: getting HIV.

Also at WorldNetDaily - how Toyota's bilingual Superbowl commercial has condemned millions of immigrants to a life of poverty.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Future Fornicators of America

Heartland America, be on guard! It looks as if The Left is trying to turn the Sunflower State into the Daisy-Chain State. I'm not one to read the National Law Journal, but every so often the mailman accidently delivers us the copy meant for the law office in the strip mall across the street. What I read in this week's issue so incensed me I had to share it with you. Their website is restricted to subscribers-only, but fortunately I was able to use the mailing label to gain access to it. Here's the bulk of the article in question, Teen 'kiss & tell' reporting law in court:
The privacy rights of teenagers are being put to test in Kansas, where a federal lawsuit is challenging a so-called "kiss and tell" law requiring all sexual activity by young teens be reported to authorities.

Under the 24-year-old law, doctors, school counselors and psychotherapists, among others, are required to report the sexual activity of anyone younger than 16 as evidence of child abuse.

In a bench trial that started last week, the Center for Reproductive Rights (CRR) is challenging the law on behalf of counseling and medical professionals, arguing that it threatens the confidentiality of teenagers seeking health care services. They fear that the law could set a dangerous precedent.

"This move is not an isolated one . . . .It's part of all sorts of efforts to prevent adolescents from being able to access health services and make reproductive health care choices in a confidential manner," said CRR attorney Bonnie Scott Jones.

But state officials defended the law, saying it helps authorities fight child abuse. "The state has an interest in enforcing state law and in protecting children," said Whitney Watson, spokesman for Kansas Attorney General Phill Kline. "Unfortunately, [the plaintiffs] have spun, and the media has chosen to write, that this is all about two 15-year-olds after homecoming, and that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about 12- and 13-year-olds who end up pregnant and the attorney general has opined that they have been raped." ...

Kline's interpretation held that any sexual activity involving teens younger than 16 must be reported, even when it's consensual, involves teens of the same age and abuse is not suspected.

In July 2004, a federal judge ordered the law enjoined until the court reached a final decision. Defendants appealed to the 10th Circuit, which on Jan. 27 ruled that a minor's right to privacy is overridden by the state's interest in protecting public health and "best interests" of minors. Aid for Women v. Foulston, No. 03-CV-1353-JTM (D. Kan.).
Perhaps these enemies of decency were emboldened by the recent decision allowing Kansas teenagers to commit sodomy with impunity, or perhaps it's their adoration of All Things Dorothy that makes Kansas such a coveted prize. Regardless of their motiviations, one thing is abundantly clear: They're coming from your children! If this law falls, it's an absolute certainty that The Left will personally be chauffeuring the teenagers of Kansas to Lover's Lane and forcing them to debase themselves by performing unnatural acts, rather than allowing teenagers to engage in the wholesome activities they would rather do.

[Sorry for the brevity of this one, Christians. It's been another hectic day here at the Beauty Palace, and once I get home, I'll barely have time to whip up a sumptuous meal of Suddenly Salads for Jesus before I rush off to my Christian Cosmetology workshop at Our Lady of the Denunciation. Perhaps tomorrow will allow me more time to fight the Good Fight.]

Monday, February 06, 2006

Lessons in The Lord's Infinite Bounty

Father Joe's sermon at mass yesterday was about the abundance of the The Lord's gifts. We certainly got to see this principle in action, as seating was especially plentiful on account of some televised sporting event (the best thing about which I can say is that it was apparently nipple-free). Had they bothered to show up, these armchair Christians would have learned not to hoard what we perceive as our own finite resources, but rather to give of them freely and let The Lord replenish them. I've often felt decorum has required that I hold my tongue, but I've taken Father Joe's words to heart and will be more generous in sharing my "intolerance", as The Left is so fond of calling it, even at things that I would normally have kept silent about. And indeed, why shouldn't I speak up? After all, anyone who's afraid to voice unpopular opinions in a country so deeply rooted in Christianity is probably going to Hell anyway. This is what's outraged me over the weekend:

Agape Press directs us towards a new government site geared towards helping parents talk to their teens about the joys of chastity. That's all well and good, except for one thing:
While condoms aren't perfect, they are the only method of contraception that can help reduce the risk of STDs. Other methods of contraception like birth control pills, shots and patches do not reduce the risk of STDs. Tell your son or daughter that the best way to avoid getting an STD is for them not to have vaginal, oral, or anal sex until they are in a mutually faithful, monogamous relationship, preferably marriage.
"Preferably marriage"? Why is the federal government equivocating on the bedrock institution of Western Civilization, and why won't they state that people should abstain from all this dirty sexual business until they're MARRIED? And more importantly, why is the government of a country founded on Christian principles condoning oral and anal sex, even among married people? They obviously know something we don't. My guess is that another homosexualist cabal is running this organization, and what we are witnessing is the groundwork for that day when radical gay activists criminalize heterosexual marriage altogether. Outrageous!

There's no magnetic sticker I won't put on the Praisemobile to show my committment to our men in uniform, but this item, about how the military is trying to counsel its soldiers on marriage, infuriated me like nobody's business:
It teaches the lovestruck to pace themselves with a R.A.M. chart the Relationship Attachment Model which basically says don't let your sexual involvement exceed your level of commitment or level of knowledge about the other person.
Perhaps I have a defective missal, but the version of "Onward, Christian Soldiers" I'm familiar with doesn't include any verses about fornicating with the cheap floozies that congregate outside foreign military bases. Why is the military condoning extra-marital sex? This is just another example of the moral rot that started with Clinton's Don't Ask Don't Tell policy. Vile.

My final outrage for now is the death of anti-homosexual crusader Jacob Robida, whose only entry on an otherwise pristine rapsheet is taking an ax to a couple of nancies at a gay bar in Massachusetts. Evidently, Janet Reno has assumed the reins of power of the Arkansas State Police, as her jack-booted minions (in spirit, anyways) have once again trampled all over the liberties of God-Fearing Americans to promote their liberal agenda:
The teenager involved in a bloody attack on three men in a Massachusetts gay bar died early on Sunday morning from wounds sustained in a gun battle with Arkansas police, a police spokesman said. ...

The 18-year-old, who had become the subject of a nationwide manhunt after he was accused of wounding three people with a gun and a hatchet in a New Bedford, Massachusetts, gay bar last week, shot and killed a police officer in Gassville, Arkansas on Saturday after the officer pulled the Pontiac over for a routine traffic stop, police said.
Had they bothered to ask him rather than taking him out, I'm sure Robida would have said he was merely acting in self-defense and trying to neutralize a few homosexualists before they gave him AIDS or threw him in jail for heterosexual marriage in the first degree, soon to be a felony. Put yourself in his situation and ask yourself: Would I not do the same? I want my country back!

As Prayer Warrior Michelle Malkin so amply demonstrates, Outrage is a an endlessly flowing river, and it is the duty of every Christian to immerse himself in its cleansing waters*. Praise Him!

* Just don't pee in it.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Friday random ten

Keep Young And Beautiful - Annie Lennox
The Man I Love Is Oh So Good - Maggie Jones
War On Want - Do Make Say Think
Optical Flow - Rafael Toral
Barbara Allen - Shirley Collins
Someone/Rock Stars On The Marie Celeste - The Mekons
Where Merlin Plays - Red Temple Spirits
The North Star Grassman And The Ravens - Sandy Denny
Moth Pt VIII - Mick Turner
Circles - Camper Van Beethoven

In other exciting entertainment-related news, Jesus & I will be attending a revival meeting tonight at some place called The Village. Noted theologian & cosmetics enthusiast Varla Jean Merman will be discussing the Seven Deadly Sins. If Ms. Merman is as adept at biblical exegesis as she is at applying her makeup, it promises to be a most inspirational evening. Praise Him!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Apocalipstick Soon

A few weeks ago, I used news stories on cosmetics as a means of handicapping the impending Rapture, since our Christian friends at Rapture Index haven't included such a category -- yet. I'm always eager to help them out, so here's what's happened in the world since then, and how it affects the likelihood of the Second Coming.

Creeping authoritarianism: Many thanks to loyal Nancy-Con Blue Gal for tipping me off to this alarming development:

Wanted by the FBI



Greig is known to frequent beauty salons. She has an affininty for animals, especially dogs.

Be sure to check out the pictures, where the FBI has given Ms. Greig a number of less than flattering 'dos. You're welcome to blame my paranoia on the ceremonial frankincense, but I seem to recall the career bureaucrats of the federal law enforcement agencies of this country going out of their way to make Our President look bad. Unless President Bush circumvented the cumbersome bureaucratic process and declared this woman a fugitive from justice himself, this looks like nothing more than a pathetic hatchet job against a good Christian woman who enjoys the simple pleasures of having her hair done. And when did the State determine what hairdos we should have? Increase Rapture Index by 3.

Sodomy: Surprise, surprise -- the most rabid enemies of Christianity are also the leading foes of makeup:
Lambda Legal represents Darlene Jespersen in a federal lawsuit against Harrah’s Casino. Jespersen was a dedicated, top-performing bartender for Harrah’s in Reno, Nevada for 21 years. Jespersen refused to comply with a new dress code that required women to wear a full regimen of makeup (foundation or powder, blush, mascara and lipstick at all times), applied precisely the same way every day to match a photo provided by Harrah’s. A decision in the case is currently pending before the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit.
This gives me the chills: The same Circuit that ruled the Pledge of Allegiance is unconstitutional is now ruling on the legality of compulsory cosmetics applications. Christians, I fear for the fate of Our Nation. Increase Rapture Index by 1.

One-World Government: The Anti-Christ will come to power through the consolidation of the world's governing bodies (UN, EU, etc.), so it was a relief to see that hairdressers have done their Christian Duty to gum up the works:
Poland, the Czech Republic and Cyprus opposed a compromise agreement presented by the Austrian Presidency on the issue of exemptions to EU VAT rules. Under current rules, value-added tax in all member states has to be set at a minimum of 15%. Countries can set higher VAT rates, but cannot go lower except for certain services such as home construction and renovation, hairdressing or bicycle repairs.
Great news. Reduce Rapture Index by 1.

Miracles & the Unexplained: While The Left is determined to slander the cosmetics industry with junk science linking essential ingredients like phthalates and parabens to cancer and lupus, we learn that the tasteful application of makeup has, in fact, a therapeutic effect:
At the Virginia G. Piper Cancer Center in Scottsdale, Ariz., eight women sit shyly around the table, glancing into vanity mirrors while dabbling through the bags of eyeliners, mascaras and lipsticks placed in front of them.

It was a mini-makeover party of a sort, as cosmetologists Helaine Markowitz and Shelly Freed spent the afternoon dishing tips on everything from choosing the right shade of blush to wrapping a chic head scarf.

For the participants, all battling cancer, the "Look Good ... Feel Better" program is a chance to feel beautiful, even in the ugliest of times.

"You still need to get up every single day," Markowitz told them. "If you don't make that effort to put on a scarf or a little bit of lipstick, you're going to end up wallowing in your illness. But if you look in the mirror and say, 'Hey, not so bad,' you're going to make it through."
Naturally, the article has MSM's usual touchy-feely self-esteem bias, where if you feel good about yourself, you can handle anything, etc., (excuse me while I put my finger down my throat) and downplays the Lourdes-like qualities of cosmetics, but we Christians have had to learn to read between liberal media's li(n)es to get the true story. Decrease Rapture Index by 2, and praise Him!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Keep your liberal arts out of my ladyparts

It was a busy day at the Beauty Palace today, with Conchita's incessant demands keeping me occupied for seven and a half hours straight. I couldn't even do my blogging on my lunch hour, which is what I usually try to do in these circumstances, because I had to protest the post office & the local Rite-Aid. I think my work here is an important expression of My Christian Faith, and her endless list of tasks that kept me from blogging while at work was a thinly veiled attempt to rob me of my basic Constitutional rights. Christians, please pray for me, as the persecution I must endure by the evil forces of Secularism knows no bounds.

I did manage to visit a few of my Prayer Warriors, and was naturally struck by the following passage from David Limbaugh's recent piece over at Human Events Online:
Though O'Beirne has been a fierce advocate of equal opportunity for women, she abhors the radical feminists' goal of legally enforcing an equality of outcomes, which would include, for example, absurdly equalizing the percentage of cosmetology, welding and carpentry students between the sexes.
I witnessed this with my very own eyes during my one semester at beauty school. The Ward Churchills of Martinelli's Beauty College were so devoted to its PC orthodoxy of total gender parity they'd admit any males that applied, even the fags. But that's nothing compared to the poisonous ideology found in some other ivory towers:

O'Beirne cites a female sociology professor, Jessie Barnard, who says, "To be happy in a relationship which imposes so many impediments on her, as traditional marriage does, women must be slightly mentally ill." Another, Katharine Bartlett, the dean of Duke University's law school, attributes women's support for the traditional, nuclear family to deeply rooted ideology (read: brainwashing). ...

While radical feminists hold themselves out as champions of women's freedom and choice, they have sought to systematically undercut the natural bond between mother and child and put a guilt trip on mothers who would prefer temporarily to sacrifice their professional careers and stay home during their children's formative years.

The relentless guilt-trip working women lay on stay-at-home moms (How dare you want to be present for your child's early years when you could be paying two thirds of your income to daycare? ) reminds me of my own persecution I've had to routinely withstand. These attacks should come as no surprise, since the same anti-Christian, anti-Family cabal that kept me from blogging today is the same one that's calling the shots in Corporate America.

Something I've often wondered is why my Prayer Warriors, despite their relentless assaults, have yet to deliver the final coup de grace that would finally consign Feminism to the same dustbin of history as Communism and other discredited ideologies. After all, we have been told that feminism has alternately outlived its usefulness, like Latin, or never reached its objectives, like Esperanto, which may lead a waivering Christian to wonder why this high level of vitriol is directed at a dead language. But as Limbaugh points out, the cloistered halls of academia are little more than incubators of extremism, hatching more unkempt man-haters within this viper's nest than a summer's worth of Lilith Fair concerts. Kudos to O'Beirne & Limbaugh for casting them into the light; perhaps now they'll make peace with their God-given inferiority and serve their men humbly. Praise Him!